On polygamy, Islam and our cultural values

ONE of the reasons why most polygamous marriages fail is the unending unhealthy rivalry between wives, often engineered by the iyale-iyawo (first wife versus second wife) syndrome. The first wife, by virtue of her position as the senior wife, arrogates certain powers to herself.

These include the rights to unconditional respect, preferential treatment, larger shares, sending her on errands like a maid, etc. She expects the second wife to play second fiddle, like a substitute player in a soccer match. She sees herself as superior to her. After all, where was she when she and her husband were going through difficult times?

The root cause of this unhealthy rivalry is the perception and mentality of the average African woman about polygamy. To her, it’s a rivalry, a competition, a tug of war and, in fact, a daylight robbery. She sees her partner as a rival who she must fight by all means necessary, and not as a co-wife. How on earth will she share her husband with another woman?

But Islam does not differentiate between wives. It does not give more right or preference to one wife above the other. They both (or all) are equal partners in the marriage contract, and must enjoy equal rights. None has more claim to the husband than the other(s). This is why under the Islamic law of inheritance, a bride of yesterday will share her deceased husband’s estate equally with his wife of 70 years ago.

The iyale-ìyàwó appellations may seem harmless to an ordinary mind but beneath its peripheral layers lies a demonic world of devilish individuals, always fighting supremacy battles. The ìyàwó, in most cases, is usually younger than the iyale, hence the feeling of insecurity by the latter. From two individuals fighting for the mind and soul of the “common denominator”, the rivalry often turns to a generational one, from their children to grandchildren.

This unending rivalry often results in physical and verbal assaults and, in extreme circumstances, the use of “African science” to settle scores.

In the Yorùbá tradition, a polygamous home is called ilé olorogun (abode of rivalry). This appellation perfectly depicts why each wife will never cooperate with her colleague for the common good. Each sees the other as a dangerous enemy and a potential threat to the greatness of her children. This belief is further fuelled by the insensitivity and naivety of the foolish husband who “carries the ìyàwó on his head like a scarf”.

Ademola Orunbon

Epe, Lagos State.