Nigeria and the curse of unification

SOME people habitually devour meals they have not paid for with animal ferocity, and they don’t care whether they are at a party or in your home. I was once embarrassed when I heard someone who was my senior at OAU, Ile-Ife, tell me during a visit to Imalefalafia in Ibadan that he had recently refused the plea by his brother’s wife not to eat venison (game, bush meat) reserved for his elder brother. According to him, the woman had served him a generous quantity of ‘cow leg’ and fish, but he had insisted that he “could not use this bush meat to do carry over.” He told me this story at a restaurant. Actually, in the flat where we live, my wife and I once woke up one morning to find our pot of soup completely gone. We had ‘served’ our visitors rather generously, but they had been watching movies throughout the night and, naturally, hunger had set in at some point. They did not bother to wake us up, being family. Funny as this may sound, it actually illustrates the sad story of Nigeria.

In case you missed the story this week, tension is brewing in Adamawa State following the decision of LG chairmen to send their wives on a “leadership training trip” to Istanbul, Turkey. The 21 wives went to learn how to advise their husbands on governance! And they were accompanied by senior officials of the Ministry of Local Government. Hear the chairman of Toungo LG and state chairman of the Association of Local Governments of Nigeria, Suleiman Toungo, defending the heist: “We did our training two months ago, so I do not see anything wrong in our wives going for training outside the country.”

Well, the Yoruba have a saying: “Ika o je se tie be” (The wicked person will never handle his own case that way). You see, Nigeria was organized by the British as an elaborate scam and, worse still, the Unification Decree of 1966 tore the basis of the country’s unity into shreds. For years, some people have played ping pong with other people’s money and done so with arrogant defiance. That was why I had to stand in defence of Lagos recently, not as an ethnic supremacist but as a realist. In case you still haven’t got my drift, I am lamenting the fact that the Adamawa treasury looters wasted money they did not work for with abandon. Most of the money Nigeria spends comes from the Niger Delta and Lagos, but see what people who got a criminally high number of states and LGs during military rule are doing with our money! Ika o je se tie be. It’s because they didn’t labour for the manna.

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You see, President Tinubu’s subsidy removal has meant more money in the pockets of the states, but the lepers who rule most of this land do not care about the people they govern. There’s free money and they are looking for ways to loot it, guided by the pestilential philosophy enunciated by the rapper, Olamide: “Owo wa l’owo yin, e je ka ba yin na.” Gloss: You have money, let’s help you spend it.

The continuing unification of Nigeria makes anything state anathema, and anything federal pure holiness. From Monday till Wednesday morning this week, I was at the FCT attending a Consultative Roundtable with media practitioners on the Citizens’ Memorandum for Electoral Reform drafted by YIAGA Africa and the International Press Centre (IPC) with support by the European Union. The event held at the Lake Greenfield Hotel, Kado, Abuja, really consolidated my belief that no part of Nigeria is happy with Nigeria. In particular, I am fascinated by Yiaga/IPC’s push for electoral reform through 16 priority reform areas, including INEC’s independence, unbundling of INEC, special seats for underrepresented groups, political party reforms, constituency delimitation, diaspora voting, voter accreditation and registration, early voting, among others. I have gone through the submissions by Yiaga Africa/IPC and I find them to be highly commonsensical. The submissions align with those by The Patriots during their summit at the FCT in July. The National Assembly should work on them without delay.

Really, the fact that Nigeria needs rethinking is not in doubt. For instance, every election time, the Nigeria Police Force issues a statement warning personnel of Amotekun, a security agency created by six subnational governments, to steer clear of voting areas. In a supposed federation, this is criminality that borders on anarchy. But the NPF continues to get away with this lawlessness because of the unification that continues to cripple Nigeria. Any time I remember this order to Amotekun, I am left completely nonplussed. Think about it: during a general election in this country, everything is organized by the FG. The electoral umpire, the security agencies, the voting instrument—everything speaks of unification. Yet the people who run this land know that it is supposed to be a Federation. In the United States and most democracies, you vote with instruments issued by subnational governments. For instance, in the US, drivers licenses are typically issued by the states through their motor vehicle departments, together with most, if not all, of the means of identification you can use to vote. But in Nigeria, no one knows when, if ever, the first driver’s licence by a state will be issued. Abuja continues to organize everything. This is Confusion Incorporated.

Re: Of brainy bandits and a fraudulent peace deal in Katsina

I just finished reading your Saturday column. Inasmuch as the state actors and security agencies are in cahoots with the terrorists ostensibly called bandits, the nation’s insecurity challenges will remain daunting, unsolved, and humongous wastage of scarce resources, and continuous losses of innocent civilian/soldier lives. If the government can identify most of the terrorists leadership why are they treating them with kid gloves? Why can’t culprits be rounded up to face the wrath of the law? Are these outlaws above the law or being deliberately shielded by those state officials in the corridor of power? These are probing/critical questions that must be urgently addressed. Enough of the shenanigans! Nigerians are not muguns! We refuse to be mugunized.

Yacoob Abiodun: 08103501024

Re: Yoruba and the resurrection of ancient demons

I read your article, Yoruba and the resurrection of ancient demons, on Tribune Online, like I have done your articles on Tribune Online in the past couple of years and True, True, you ‘do not look at faces’ when you write, Sometimes, I become a little concerned for you when I read some of your pieces. Well, I’ll say, keep it up, your courage encourages some of us to make small, small posts here and there that may look daring. May the works make the right impacts in the right quarters and you be safe. For the land is filled with predators. Thanks

Michael Olaotan: mikeolaotan@gmail.com