Dr. Jerome Teelucksingh in 1999 started the tradition of the International Men’s Day by celebrating his father and all the men that have shaped his life on the 19th November. The idea caught on and has become very well established. Several reasons account for the frequently hidden nature of men’s mental health challenges, ranging from fear of being branded as weak, shame, societal acculturation among others.
Consider the case of Baba Goni, a 42-year-old Bank Manager who has always taken responsibility for his family. His wife is a pharmacist and runs a successful pharmacy shop. He sometimes had a sneaky suspicion that she might be earning more than he does, but it was not a problem as it was his responsibility to cater to the family, which he attended to comfortably until recession hit his bank and they retrenched more than half of the non-essential staff, while management staff like himself were placed on half salary. This situation has persisted for 10 months. Unfortunately for him, he had just taken a loan facility 2 months earlier to complete his duplex, a project he embarked on due to the pressure of friends and family harassing him about living in a rented apartment.
Being that his repayment plan took about 30% of his earnings, he could still cope with the remaining 70% and cater for the home. Unfortunately, his salary is reduced by half now and he was still servicing the loan with 30%, which effectively means he only had 20% of his usual income to live on now. Of course, this was insufficient, and he is now constantly worrying about finances. If his family needed anything, he would rather die than admit that he didn’t have the money. So, he resorted to borrowing from friends and family to cover up his shortfalls. Ali Modu advised him to confide in his wife and re-strategize his financial expenses – she may even be able to help him out. But he refused. His pride will not allow him to ask her for financial support. It will mean that he would lose face, and be seen as less than a man. Or be made fun of, as a man who could not provide for his family. “Lai lai. He resolved. I will keep managing until things get better”. He concluded.
Discussion
A false myth has since been perpetuated in young boys, that they have to be tough and should not cry or show susceptibility to emotions. Any sign of weakness meant they were not boys or men. Yet, we know that both men and women are human beings with brains and emotions. Men experience the same emotions as women, can feel pain, hurt, shame, rejection, loss of self-confidence etc.
Men also suffer from mental disorders and have a higher risk for many serious mental disorders. They are two to three times more likely to abuse drugs than women and are 5 times more likely to die from suicide than women. A report by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) shows that the number of men who die every year from alcohol-related complications in the United States is more than twice (62,000) the number of women (26,000) who die from similar causes. Yet, there is a lot of shame and stigma associated with men admitting they have emotional difficulties, not to talk of seeking help or treatment for them.
It is therefore not surprising that men are less likely than women to seek help until things deteriorate very badly, and they can no longer pretend that all is well. There is also the added societal pressure of stereotyping men as always strong, stoic, and quietly enduring pain without complaints as is depicted by all heroic characters from movies, comics and cartoons. Thus, any divergent behaviour is frowned upon and viewed as a failing or weakness; that is unbecoming of a real man. When you add the super-imposed pressure of being financially responsible and catering for a family – especially when there are false or unrealistic expectations of a minimum standard of comfort, then the stage is set for a crash, that may result in emotional problems. Some will resort to alcohol and drugs as a coping strategy – which ultimately compounds the problem. In the case of Baba Goni, his wife was in a good position to bail him out but his inhibitions were self-imposed.
Ultimately, many men fail to take action to protect their emotional well-being and would rather suffer and die in silence. It’s high time we begin to focus on the mental health of boys and men. This will require unlearning wrong concepts that have become unconsciously ingrained while learning new ways of doing things. One of the areas that most men need to learn and do better is communication skills and admitting to one’s failings.
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