I want you to advise me on how to relate with a rape victim as a friend. I intend to help her psychologically regain herself. She has been dwelling too much on it and this has been affecting her tremendously.
I will equally appreciate if you can suggest what she can engage in that will make her happy.
Toy.
Dear Toy,
Your efforts in wanting to help a friend who had fallen victim of a rapist are highly commendable. There is no gainsaying the fact that this friend of yours needs serious compassion/attention from you. What your friend had gone through is such a terrible experience that needs a longer time to get her acts together.
It is a wound that requires time to heal. Rape is an act that meets the victim unexpectedly. It will take your female friend a long time to come to terms with wanting to be by herself, be afraid of any incident that will remind her of the nasty experience and what the reactions of people around her would be if they got wind of the act.
There is hardly any victim you meet that will not once a while feel furious, guilty and at times embarrassed, helpless, isolated, alienated and at worst feel withdrawn. Coupled with all these is finding it difficult to relate with others in trust and if care is not taken may for life remain affectionless.
Having stated all, you need to understand before you try all within your reach to help your friend out of her present situation, you must be careful in your interaction so as not to be seen as cashing in on her predicament as a decoy to get closer to her for you to achieve your long dreamt mission. As crucial as the case is, as she has confided in you what her state of mind is, you must not at any time betray this trust by telling other friends of yours what you have been told.
What you need to do with dispatch and consciously any time you meet with her is always to emphatise with her that you share in her pains by telling her that she need not blame herself for the incident and offering yourself for any service she wants done.
As you are trying to bring her back on track, you must not tell her that what happened was her handwork as she could have prevented the alleged rapist from getting away with his evil intention. If you have never respected her before, this is the time to accord her respect and do not pity.
Ensure at all times that she is always in a conducive and comfortable environment and not one that will always give her flashbacks of the nasty experience, and never make any attempt to touch her as research has shown that she might not want to have any close contact with any man not even a hug.
It is not possible for you to solve all her physical and emotional problems.
If it is within your reach, you must ensure that the case was reported to the security agents in case of a repeat of the assault as well as consult assault therapists. And if she is not willing to make a public case of her experience, let her be as she tries all within herself to get the incident behind her as she moves on.
Never at any time crave for more than what she volunteers. Your support does not stop at being a good listener, but believing everything she has told.
All she needs do henceforth is to get herself busy at all times and get involved in meaningful activities as she frees herself and thought life to move on with life. Brooding over the incident cannot give her joy but sorrow. Life is more than organizing pity parties by those who will turn out to be your mockers in the long run.
This is the time to get involved in communal services as these extra engagements will get her back on track for a better tomorrow as she tries all within her to know that she has only one life and must ensure she lives it well.
and then