But for its morbidity and crooked parts, Nigerian politics could pass for an enduring, durable long-running comedy, and because the tears one sheds over it a times are anything but light-hearted, it is better situated within the tragic-comedy zone. Ultimately, the blithering joke is upon us all, allowing warts of a warped game, to affect our everyday existence.
Looking at how malignant state governors have evolved, one would have wished a certain Aremu their eternal “boss.” If Ayo Fayose’s account of their “sizzling” bromance would not pass objectivity mark, because of yet-to-be forgiven offences, my encounter with a former governor was poignant enough.
So, Chinwoke Mbadinuju, Anambra former governor who was denied a second term by Obasanjo, wanted to vent his spleen, and we had an interview, years back in Abuja. He raged and ran ragged. He told unbelievable story about events leading to Obasanjo who was bigger than the party, ordering his exit from second term ticket. He really poured and puffed. As a reporter, you couldn’t have it better. He called Baba Iyabo names that his blazing estranged wife, Taiwo Obasanjo (Martins) would not even touch, despite her own sizzle to ridiculous extreme in recent time, fighting Olujonwon’s marital battles.
Hours later, Chinwoke became “born again,” put a call through, begged to have OBJ off his rage range and took life out of the “hot” interview. No persuasion would make him change his “I no wan his wahala” new stance. He wasn’t the only one Aremu peppered.
But governors aren’t weaklings anymore. They are weaned off Aso Rock in a way. They came into the technical “know-how and how-to” when one of their own, Umaru Yar’Adua was in the presidential saddle. Now, they have gone ballistic as the constituted authorities of their constituencies. They not only control the levers of the centre, there are the undisputed gypsy emperors of their states, engaging in pseudo-determination of fellow mortals’ fate and in eternal struggle to determine the course of destiny of many, by hand-picking heirs to their supposed thrones in the government houses across the land.
The jutting part of the foolish enthronement enterprise is in not recognising that it takes death or dethronement for a throne to be vacant for another to mount and since in their ancestral thinking they have adopted monarchical understanding and sensibilities to their eight-year tenure, why should it be difficult for them, to reason that it must be beyond the “dead” or the “deposed,” to enthrone a successor. Aren’t we products of our thoughts? If someone considered himself a king that must be off, for another to be on, why should the “dead” attempt choosing for the living, all the time.
Maybe, the outgoing governors see themselves as the ancestors who must be consulted and allow to make the final decision on the next occupants of the government houses’ throne. No problem with that. Hasn’t man found a lasting solution to such ever-demanding deities, by perfecting the art of exhuming them from their comfy shrines within the palace, to wild forests? Igbo lesu ngbe (demons live in the forest). Why then blame godsons who have been offloading their benefactor predecessors-in-office, into political wilderness? They are just following in the proven tradition of throne preservation.
With the way all governors, without exception, get into the successor-search adventure, you would think they have a common pool of grief, they must drink from. Nobody learns from anything. Everybody is bent on tasting the sorrow that comes with trying to tie a full-adult onto own portion of collective cage.
A governor who used to do pro bono massage, for his predecessor as incumbent governor in a North-East state, to worm his way into his heart and governorship seat, is today, unabashedly scurrying everywhere for evidence to ensure his benefactor is jailed. Another one in South-East, even got his SSG to write a cover note on incriminating evidence to nail the one who called him to “come and chop”. In the troubled North-Central, friendly alliances are frenetically on-going among enemies, because an enthroned godson has found his “no” voice, over allocation sharing. In South-West, emissaries are doing back and forth, to pacify an angry, money-guzzling godfather and tired-in-giving godson. The list could detain one here.
I also have a word for those sweating for or snacking on governors’ endorsement. Those carrying SMS about should pause and take a look at Kogi. No, not her “Fayose doesn’t have monopoly of stupidity” Excellency Yahaya Bello is an archeologist’s case. Curiously, God has always been speaking through the state. Remember, Jibrin Isah Echocho, he was a lawful candidate but never stood election. Remember, Abubakar Audu, he was governor-elect, but never ruled.
and then