How good is your word? (2)

A promise means everything. But once it is broken, sorry means nothing. – Anon.

The worth of a man’s character is not known by the promises he makes but by the promises he keeps. We are what we do, not what we say we will do!

Great leaders don’t behave like politicians who make more promises on a campaign trail than they intend to or could ever keep in a lifetime. The result of such unkept promises is a dented credibility and of course, a disenchanted electorate when it becomes obvious that they have been sold a dummy!

If you want to be taken serious as a leader, never be too eager to make promises. As much as possible, you need to avoid making promises under certain conditions.

Children are very smart. They know how to wait for their parents’ vulnerable moments to extract a promise from an unwitting parent. Sometimes, the pressure is subtle, almost bordering on emotional blackmail. Sometimes, it is a direct pressure that simply wants to draw down on the parental responsibility for provision that the child believes that he has an entitlement to. Whichever it is, very often, parents capitulate as if making the promise was proof of love for the child. Unfortunately, when the parent is not in a position to fulfil a promise made under duress, the child takes it as an act of betrayal and internalizes his discontent, which sometimes graduates into resentment for the parent concerned. Do not make promises just because you are under pressure to do so. Promises made under pressure are usually products of irrational thinking induced by physical or emotional exhaustion or exasperation that literally puts you under duress. In such a state, you are very vulnerable and may say things that you will later regret.

Never make promises to someone because you want a favour from them. Say that to a young man wooing a lady and he will tell you “Tell that to the Marines!”. In courtship or circumstances where people need something from another, they are eager to say things they know would be pleasant to the ears of the one from whom they seek the favour. The string of broken hearts and broken marriages that we see littering our social landscape is a pointer to a litany of broken promises. Be upfront with people. When asking for a favour, be direct about what you want. Give them an opportunity to make up their minds to give it to you or not. Make it impossible for them to accuse you of deception.

Have you ever been in a situation where you find yourself at a fund-raising event that you did not plan for, either because you did not know that it was going to be one or it happened as an impromptu dimension to the event as a result of certain exigencies. Everybody around you, especially your friends, is making generous promises of huge donations and you felt boxed into a corner. You felt that even if you could not beat the record of your friends, you would not want to be seen giving an amount lower than what they are giving. The problem is, not only were you unprepared for a donation, you did not have the kind of money required to match your friends’ donations. But you pledged all the same. Unfortunately, after several reminders, you have been unable to come up with the pledged funds. You wanted to save your face. But in reality, you have no face left when your integrity is dented. Leaders don’t make promises just because everyone else around them is doing so.

Don’t make a promise on behalf of another without their consent unless you are the one who intends to fulfil it on their behalf. Many years ago, one of my staff was sent to represent me at an event. On getting there, a scenario similar to the one painted above occurred. When he saw my friends making pledges and it came to his turn to speak for me, he decided to match the highest figure that my friends were giving. His reason? He knew me to be a generous giver to worthy causes and he felt that this was one! What he did not bother to know was my financial state at that time or if I would have given that much in view of the circumstances. I paid to redeem my integrity that he put on the line but I made him clearly understand that the world would not have collapsed if he had told the organizers that since he was representing me, he would need to confer with me and get back to them. If I had reneged, my integrity would have been dented and his would have been preserved!

Have you ever been pestered by some people in need of something? I walk that path all the time. By virtue of what I do and teach, some people don’t know that my name is not Omnipotent or All-sufficient. And sometimes, people in their desperation can be relentless pests, harassing you with phone calls and texts even at the oddest of hours! But I have learnt never to make promises just to get people off my back. Such reprieve is only temporary. Their pestering becomes fiercer when the time to cash in on the promise comes! If I can help you, I will let you know. If not, I have learnt not to make promises unless I intend to do something concrete about the matter.

When a leader hastily makes a commitment without first considering the facts of the case, he is setting himself up for trouble. Whenever there is a demand on you to give your word on any matter, pause, consider the issues surrounding it, and think through your decision before you commit. The moment you give your word, it becomes your bond. In documents detailing agreements, there is usually what is called the “fine print”. Banks and other financial institutions, insurance companies and conglomerates are experts at the art of fine prints. Fine prints are the often innocuous, seemingly negligible conditions in an agreement which appear harmless at the onset. They are usually worded in windy sentences that can put you off and discourage readership. But all the traps and implicating clauses in that agreement are hidden in them. Once you append your signature, you are hooked. Many people did not know the power of the fine print until after they lost their homes and business!

If you want to go far as a leader, if you have made promises that you have not kept, now is the time to revisit and keep them. If you don’t have any outstanding, watch out for the ones you make. The word you give should be the life you live!

Remember, the sky is not your limit, God is!