Beyond forgetfulness 3: Care, hope, and the power of community

OVER the past two weeks, we have journeyed together into the world of dementia. In the first part of this series, we began by demystifying dementia itself. Many people often confuse it with ordinary forgetfulness or believe it is simply a natural part of old age. But as we saw, dementia is not about misplacing your keys; it is about not even knowing what a key is used for. We looked at how dementia is a brain condition that goes far beyond age-related forgetfulness, and we emphasised that while age is a risk factor, not every older adult develops dementia. In fact, many live long, sharp, and sound lives without it. We also explored some of the risk factors, including lifestyle choices, cardiovascular health, and the genetic role of the APOE gene.

Last week, we dived deeper into the science, exploring what really happens in the brain of someone with dementia. We talked about the build-up of amyloid plaques and tau tangles, the abnormal proteins that interfere with the smooth communication between brain cells, eventually killing them. We noted that these changes are gradual but devastating, and they explain why memory, reasoning, language, and even personality can change over time. We also discussed the stages of dementia, how it is diagnosed, and how symptoms can begin subtly before progressing to the point where everyday functioning and independence are affected.

Following the last episode, a woman shared her experience with me. She explained that her mother had gone through a traumatic event, and since then, she could no longer recognize some of her friends and distant relatives. But here was the mystery: her mother could still recognize her children and was able to carry on with her daily activities. She wanted to know if this was dementia.

I had to explain that it was not. Dementia is not selective. In cases of trauma, certain parts of memory can temporarily “block” its a survival mechanism for the brain. Trauma-related memory loss is functional, like a “software issue.” The information is still there, but access to it is blocked. With psychotherapy and other interventions, recovery is often possible.

In contrast, dementia is structural, a “hardware problem.” The parts of the brain responsible for memory, reasoning, and related functions are physically damaged, and once information is lost, it cannot be retrieved. Her mother’s case was trauma-triggered memory loss, not dementia, and I encouraged her to see a qualified mental health specialist for further evaluation and diagnosis. That distinction is very important.

This week, we turn to perhaps the most important part of the conversation, what care and support truly mean for people living with dementia and their loved ones. Because behind the science and the statistics are human beings; mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, whose lives are forever altered by this condition.

Caring for someone with dementia is not just about managing memory lapses. It is about preserving dignity, identity, and humanity for as long as possible. The first pillar of care is patience. Imagine being trapped in a world where faces, names, and places that once felt familiar now feel strange and confusing. That anxiety and frustration can often show up as agitation or withdrawal. A gentle tone of voice, speaking slowly, and using reassuring physical presence can calm storms better than repeated corrections or confrontations.

Practical strategies also go a long way. Labeling rooms in the house, keeping familiar objects in sight, establishing consistent daily routines, and avoiding unnecessary noise or clutter can reduce confusion. Activities that spark recognition, like looking through old photo albums or listening to beloved songs, can provide comfort and even moments of clarity. Research shows that music has a unique power to reach parts of the brain untouched by dementia. A favorite hymn, Afrobeat tune, or folk song from the village can awaken joy, stir memories, and bring connection, even when words fail.

Beyond practical steps, care also involves emotional presence. It is easy to focus on what the person has lost, but we must remember what remains. A smile, a touch, shared laughter, or simply sitting together can mean more than words. Families should also remember that they are not alone in this journey. Support groups, counseling, and sharing responsibilities among siblings or extended relatives can help prevent caregiver burnout, a real risk when caring for someone with dementia. In Nigeria, caregiving often falls heavily on women, sometimes daughters or daughters-in-law. Recognizing this burden and finding ways to share it whether through church support, neighborhood networks, or trained community health workers can make the difference between exhaustion and resilience.

There is also hope. While no cure yet exists, early detection and intervention can slow progression and improve quality of life. Medications, though limited, can help with symptoms. Lifestyle changes, healthy diets like more fruits, vegetables, and less processed food, physical exercise, social engagement, and mental stimulation, all play a role. Therapies like reminiscence therapy, cognitive stimulation, and music therapy are increasingly recognized as valuable tools. Even in the midst of decline, there can be moments of joy, clarity, and connection.

But dementia care cannot be left to families alone. Communities and societies must take responsibility. In many parts of Nigeria, dementia is still shrouded in stigma. Families may hide relatives, attributing symptoms to witchcraft, curses, or spiritual punishment. Such misconceptions rob people of the support they deserve. We must change the narrative. Dementia is a medical condition, not a curse. Our churches and mosques should speak openly about it. Market women who notice a familiar customer becoming forgetful should show empathy instead of mockery. Employers and professional associations can also begin to create dementia-friendly spaces for aging members. Compassion, not judgment, should be our response.

As World Alzheimer’s Month draws to a close, I leave you with this call: let us not stop here. Awareness must continue, because awareness is the first form of support. By talking openly, learning, and showing kindness, we reduce stigma. By supporting caregivers, we lighten their burden. By investing in research and embracing innovative approaches we can build hope for the future.

Dementia may take memories, but it cannot take away humanity. At its heart, care is about love, love that remains present even when words fade. See you next week on a brand-new episode, till then, together, we can make a world where no one walks this journey alone.

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