5 statements to avoid when sending condolences
It is often difficult to believe that such individuals are gone, especially when they hold a special place in our hearts.
Sending condolences to a bereaved person is a delicate task that should be handled with care. There are certain words and expressions you are permitted to use, while there are some that you shouldn’t use for the sake of the person grieving.
Knowing these words will help you know better how to relate to the person grieving whenever you intend to visit or extend your condolences.
In order not to hurt a person who is grieving while sending your condolences, below are words/statements you should avoid.
1. I know how you are feeling
If the truth be told, you don’t know how they are feeling, as you are not them. You don’t share the same relationship or bond they had with the deceased.
I know you are being empathetic, but saying this doesn’t really help the bereaved in any way.
Everyone experiences loss and grief differently, and you should encourage the bereaved to have their own unique experience of the loss.
A better way to express your empathy might be, “If you want to talk about how you are feeling, know that I am here for you.”
2. At least the death was quick so there wasn’t pain
There are times when some individuals spend a lot and go through a lot of stress while trying to save a loved one, and eventually the person dies.
This is why some people believe it is acceptable to say that a person’s death that occurred without any stress for the family is a great way to comfort the bereaved.
The truth is that death, in whatever form it takes, is extremely difficult.
While you may want to help the person look on the positive side, you might be making a mistake, as the bereaved can take this statement wrongly because of the pain they are experiencing at the moment.
3. They are in a better place
This statement is used as a result of the biblical belief that this world is not our permanent home and that heaven is a better place.
Even if this statement is correct, saying it to someone in grief as a form of condolence may be inappropriate.
This is because the bereaved might take it the wrong way, such that they can insinuate that you are saying their loved one being dead is better than being with them and their family.
4. Now you can move on with your life
After a prolonged or painful illness, death can seem like a relief, but you should never make it seem like the loss of a loved one eliminates a burden.
A grieving person needs time and space to process the loss and grieve, especially if they spent months or years providing care to the deceased.
So, never make the mistake of telling a bereaved person that the death of their loved one is a great way for them to start their life afresh or move on.
5. Don’t worry, you’ll get over it soon
While you may want to help the bereaved look toward the future, it’s important to give a grieving person the time and space to experience their feelings.
Grief doesn’t have a timeline, so don’t pressure them to “get over it.”
Allow them to experience their own grieving process while assuring them of your presence along the way.
If you don’t really know what to say to a bereaved person when extending your condolences, it is better that you keep silent and just spend quality time with them.
