Still on the Wailing Wailers and the Hailing Hailers

November 16 last year, I reported their hostile conversation. They are still fighting, yelling at each other. Online, they use what they call cyber-rodents. Offline, nothing really has changed except that there are no longer any official statements from the party of the wailers. There is no one to issue them again at the federal level. The spokespersons are in jail. They have to remain in jail because they cannot continue talking with so much traced into their greedy belly. At the state level, Ayodele Fayose who thought he had the guts to criticise everything also has his hands full now. You cannot have your mouth full and still think you have cheeks to abuse the men of the moment. It is not wise. They will choke and shame you. See, where is Metuh? Fani-Kayode nko?

The official wailers are in disarray. They have been hit by the spirit of disunity. For them, it is one day one fight. The last I heard about them were series of meetings in Abuja on how to calm their Fuji House of commotion. They are still looking for an effective tranquilizer.

The other party still believes it is doing well even when it has allowed Umaru Dikko’s prophecy to come to pass in its own time. If you were not here in the second republic, you won’t know about the Umaru Dikko curse. He was the most powerful minister in Shehu Shagari’s government. At that time, a strange strain of hunger hit the land and the noise was shrill that people were suffering and dying. Umaru Dikko told the wailers of that era that they lied and in vain all their strategems against his ancestors’ empire. Nigerians were not hungry, he bellowed, and called our attention to the fact that people weren’t yet rummaging refuse dumps for breakfast. Now, how many did you count yesterday on your way to church (or to whereever), picking their meal from dunghills? How many today? The hailers have the dubious reputation of turning Dikko into a prophet. And, interestingly, they still hold the hungry by the throat, asking that he join the chorus of the-king-does-no-wrong, the president is a super performer.

Last year, the war was intense. They rarely agreed on any issue. But now, the wailers appear wiser. They tag along, grumbling like a thoroughly flogged brat. But the conversation continues:

WW: Last year, I warned you. I told you you can’t fool all the people all the time. See now. You are unravelling, Nigerians are getting to know the real you.

HH: Hahahahaaa! Wailing Wailers! You are still around? You no get shame at all. Imagine you are still talking with all the billions traced to your bedrooms, to your wives’ closets, to your concubines’ bedchambers. You still get mouth? You are truly lost forever…

WW: You said the same thing last year. Nigerians now know who is lost between us. One year plus two months, still groping in the dark. Or are you now Israelites who spent 40 years in the wilderness? A whole 14 months searching for menstruation! and we are still counting. You still blame Jonathan and the PDP.

HH: Yes o. You said so last year, using exactly same words. Apart from being what you are, are you also a broken record? We won’t stop blaming your man and his clueless team for their atrocities while here…They ate the yam and the yam seeds…They bled Nigeria to a coma and that is what this Sheriff in town is addressing. He will take his time to revive the dry bones of Nigeria…And, no amount of tears will stop him from recovering every kobo stolen by the lost tribe of PDP. They won’t come again…

WW: I heard that from you last year. And, really, you have kept that promise. At least your detention centres are full now with your enemies. Recovery of every kobo? And your ministry of Information cheekily told us last Friday that you were searching for documents of Army procurements covering 2007 to 2010.

HH: Who stole the documents?

WW: We should ask you. Where are the documents? At least you found all the others with which your enemies were implicated. Who were the people in charge in the Army during that period of the missing documents?

HH: You mean 2007 to 2010?

WW: He is asking me again, wayo man. And, please stop scratching your head as if lice have finally finished your grey matter.

HH: I think you should ask Google.

WW: So, Google is your adviser now?  Isokay o. But you didn’t contact Google before you found the 2011- 2015 documents with which you indicted Ihejirika and Minimah and others.

HH: I hope you are not suggesting those guys are innocent?

WW: Oh. Are they guilty? Guilty as charged. I thought your president ordered further probe of their tenures!

HH: Our president.

WW: Yes. Sorry. Our mathematical president who belongs to everybody and to nobody. He has completed the rout of all of you now. Ailing hailer! Last year, you remember what I said about his appointments?

HH: I remember. You complained about the NSA, Army, Airforce, Immigrations, Customs bosses.

WW: Yes. And now Police IG, and NNPC, Ports Authority boards…Anyway, he is showing us how to do it when it is our time.

HH: Yes o. Wait for your time.

WW: He has the right to belong to anyone he trusts.

HH: Now you’re talking! I thought you would condemn him as usual.

WW: Eemi? I’m an establishment person, you know.

HH: I’m happy you’re beginning to support the CHANJI agenda.

WW: I have always been for change only that I hate your hypocrisy.

HH: Don’t spoil your case. We have records of your subversive activities.

WW: Records? Bros, the records I have are Ayinla Omowura’s records. And they are still playing. I will soon start playing Fela. I will start with ITT, International thief, thief then move to ‘You be Thief, I no be thief…’

HH: The one you used to play on grandpa’s Grundig? Wait, we’re coming.

WW: Ok bro. When you come, you will join me to dance to my records. Haruna Ishola is here too.

HH: Haruna Ishola. I love his music, his proverbs. I have a number for you; a favourite for Wailers like you, if you will listen.

WW: Why not? I’m listening.

HH: Oku aja kii gbo (Dead dogs don’t bark)

Oku agbo kii kan ( Dead rams don’t lock horns)

Irawe to subu lodo o s’egbe…( Leaves that fall into a stream are lost forever)

WW: Incantations? Who is dead? Who is lost?

HH: Whatever you call it. It is the special number for the enemy of Nigeria.

WW: So, who really is the enemy? That song is for you and you will dance to the tune in three years time when we start your own probe. Sule Lamido promised you that last week…

HH: Hahahahaaa. Lamido! Hear yourself. You’re right! We’ll dance when Magu completes the task of getting all you kwarupt people out of circulation.

WW: Magun? Thunderbolt?

HH: Yes. Thunderbolt. Be careful!!

WW: Ok sir. I will be careful.