Trust is the foundation upon which a relationship can survive. Without trust in a relationship/ marriage, it becomes a nightmare, shaky and difficult for relationships to thrive. In fact, a relationship without trust is simply chaotic and dysfunctional as it is the building block for any relationship aside love. However, in a case where your spouse has a past experience of infidelity, would you still trust him/ her?
On WhatsApp Conversation, these are what those who joined the conversation and our experts said on the issue:
Prince Ituma Ubochi
Trust is the cement that seals the past and its scar, and enables us to pretend nothing ever happened. It is a truism to state that “history is more than the path left by the past, it influences the present and can shape the future.” However, I’ll pitch my tent on the principle of trust and a reasonable track record of change. If a past experience of infidelity can be buried in the past and there could be said to be a reasonable check on a spouse’s character over time by reasonable individuals around, as to whether or not there’s a change, and if there is, then there’s a reason to accept a changed spouse on the basis of change and a transformed lifestyle.
Furthermore, since the infidelity in question houses a past form of betrayal and acts of immorality, and there’s proof that it won’t harm the present state of affairs or paint the future life of couples black, but will strengthen carefulness and care towards maintaining a newly acquired virtue of continual fidelity on the basis of enviable trust, personally, I can trust a spouse despite a past but sufficiently buried trait of infidelity.
Sorry works when a mistake is made but not when trust is broken. It is better to make mistakes and not break trusts because forgiving is easy but forgetting and trusting again is sometimes impossible, it takes forever to repair. So, I can’t.
If you’ve ever learned about a spouse or partner’s sexual infidelity, then you know how difficult this is to deal with. For one thing, it’s not just the pain of any specific sexual betrayal that you must try to process and eventually overcome, it’s the loss of trust in your spouse and your relationship. Oftentimes, learning about a supposedly monogamous partner’s extracurricular sexual activity leaves a betrayed spouse in a daze—stunned, hurt, uncertain, and unable to fully assimilate and accept what has happened. Unsurprisingly, cheated-on partners sometimes find themselves struggling with even the simplest of actions and decisions regarding both their relationship and day-to-day life. Thus, for me trusting a spouse with this kind of behaviour is going to be a tough task to deal with.
If there is one thing that is constant, it is “time”. Someone with a bad or horrible past can change. This I mean “true changes”. I can trust him if he told me he has changed and I see the change in him. It is best you stand by him, love him, and make sure he doesn’t go back to his past.
Alabi Omolara Olutayo
Having a past experience of infidelity does not define who the person is presently. As his spouse, being married to him means that I am ready to lock the door on his past and see him as a new being. Of course, trusting someone goes a long way and it can be totally engulfing but in as much as he’s not giving me any signs of infidelity or giving me any reasons to doubt his sincerity or to pull down the wall of trust I have built in the relationship. Then yes, I can and I will trust him completely, who knows, my trust might be all he needs to fully let go of his past.
Princess Oduniyi Dolapo
I can’t trust him – ‘once bitten twice shy’. I may forgive him but he has no place in my heart but on my shoulder because I can’t forget it. So, when next he tries to hurt me, I will shake it off and move on with my life.
Trust is a very big word. It cannot be bought but it has to be earned. Making a mistake isn’t a mistake but repeating the mistake is a mistake. So, I’ll assume the past infidelity recorded was a mistake, although to some extent it would be difficult to trust her again but if she can prove beyond reasonable doubt that she is worthy to be trusted either in deed or in character, then without any iota of doubt, I’ll give her a second chance.
It depends on when the infidelity took place. If it took place before marriage, I will definitely trust her. Why marry her if I won’t trust her? But if the infidelity happened during the marriage, it’s going to more difficult to trust.
Olusunmade Fiyinfoluwa is our expert on this issue. Infidelity is an act of unfaithfulness which could be painful to a partner and It is always hard to trust again once failed, especially when it has to do with sexual affair.
Having to trust would be on the verge of considering all they have been through together and if the spouse is not into the act anymore but if there are still any traces of infidelity, it is best over.
Trust is exhaustible. It takes reflection and how sorry the partner is. If it was a regrettable experience for him and he felt so remorseful, then It is best to let go and build the wall of trust.
Another factor to consider in such case is love. Partners can default on countless occasions but love is the significant element that saves the situation. Love brings forgiveness but this is based on extent of love.
An overwhelming love would still continue to give chances at the expense of the pain. If the truth of the infidelity was found out by spouse and he/she denies, there would be no more hope for the relationship.
But, turning out be merciful would be lovely when it is something done for love. This would be appreciated if there is honesty, fairness, truthfulness and an open heart. More so, it is enough to cheat and open up with a clean heart so as to get forgiveness from the spouse and God. However, playing pranks and mastery in lies are the order of the day. It is best to tender unreserved apology with sincerity for sins never to be remembered than wallop in lies and lose the trust of your spouse. Note that where there is no trust, there is no love.
Next week on WhatsApp Conversation, we would be treating: Should marriage be based on religious beliefs or Individual interest?
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