There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 1 John 4:18-21
Love is one of the most misconstrued words in the English lexicon. Many people hardly see love beyond an erotic response resulting in an unbridled conflagration of sensual passion between two people, usually of the opposite sex. This perception has more to do with physical attraction than a value for the intrinsic qualities of the object of attraction. It is borne out of a selfish desire for gratification at the expense of another while making him/her have a sense of importance even if for a fleeting moment. At best, the definition of this feeling is lust.
True love is predicated on the unconditional acceptance of and the seeking for the good of either oneself or another. It manifests as the ability to demonstrate value for oneself and for others. It is an active emotion, more of a verb than a noun or an adverb. Everyone seeks love but few are willing to give it away. Yet love is impotent and incapable of adequate expression until it is given away. The strength of love is in its ability to make and keep making sacrifices for others without tiring. To succeed significantly, a leader must learn to operate in love. Leaders manage people before they manage resources. Every collective is a potpourri of interests, races or tribes, emotions, talents, preferences etc. embodied in people that a leader has to manage. He therefore needs to acquire a state of mind that takes this concatenation of factors to account. This is only made possible when he takes genuine interest in the people that he leads. A high emotional quotient that is not driven by sincere love for people is nothing but a cosmetic public relations stunt. People would generally respond positively when they see a leader who genuinely cares. The reason is simple. That dimension of leadership is usually not the norm. When a leader truly loves, people are loyal to him and will get his back because they choose to, not because they have to! True love is natural and cannot be forced or faked. Discerning followers can tell the sincerity of a leader in the expression of kindness. True love asks questions not to crucify the follower but to get a clearer picture of his dilemma. The loving leader does not express preference for or compare one follower to another, at least not in their presence.
I would like to use the acronym L.O.V.E to define the character of a loving leader.
A loving leader LISTENS. The ability to sincerely and patiently listen to people without judging them is a rare capacity in many leaders. Accustomed to calling the shots, I hate to submit that most leaders talk more than they listen. They simply issue (sometimes bark) instructions and expect compliance without question or excuse. A loving leader however, does not just talk to, for or at his followers. He talks with them. To do that, he must be able to listen to their values, concerns and needs without prejudice or judgment. Most of us listen to comment, criticize or give outright condemnation. But the loving leader listens to understand.
The loving leader learns to OVERLOOK even the palpable flaws of his followers. This is a Herculean task in view of many leaders’ drive for perfection. It is noteworthy however that overlooking a flaw and ignoring it are not synonymous. A glaring flaw that is ignored, especially if it is inimical to corporate objectives and desired outcomes, can ultimately prove fatal to the organization or collective. That is why there are values, laws or regulations guiding conduct in any collective. When a flaw is perceived counter-productive, the leader confronts it promptly in love while educating the follower concerned on the need for change and what he and the organization stand to benefit if he changes for the better as well as what he and the collective would lose if he continues perpetrating the flaw. When that fails, he can gently be shown the way out in a way that makes him know that he deserves whatever comes to him. However, if the flaw is in no way inimical to the interests, values and goals of the collective, a loving leader learns to overlook it. From time to time, to help the employee, the loving leader engages such follower in conversation about issues affecting his life so that he can change for his own good. If you are always on the lookout for people’s errors and flaws, you can never successfully sustain any relationship, talk less of effectively leading others.
Loving leaders VOICE approval on a regular basis. If you have no reservations telling people when they have not done well, you should have no qualms praising them when they have done well. The language of praise for a job well done brings out the best in people. Every one of us, including the leader, can do with a good dose of affirmation. This is why some of us make several affirmations each morning!
Picture this. As a floor staff in a factory employing hundreds of people, you have lately been battling with some critical personal challenges that seem intractable. But you have tried, even if not too successfully, to keep a straight face at work. Then one day, the MD/CEO walks into the factory, takes a long look at you and summons you to his office. You get there wondering if your days on the job were numbered, only for you to hear, “I noticed that your countenance wasn’t looking too good and wondered what the problem could be. Can we talk about it?” You reluctantly open up. By the time you leave the office, you are smiling with your shoulders held up high. And it was not because he had given you any material thing. How would you feel?
Loving leaders make a sustained EFFORT to always go the extra mile to genuinely show interest in the people they lead. This could also sometimes come in the form of personal visits, sincere counsel, appreciation notes, recognition and rewards for job well done.
Suffice it to say however that you must find love in yourself first before you can give it to others. You cannot give what you don’t have. Love is first and foremost an inside job. Only when you find it in you can you be in a position to give it away! The hallmark of success is not about how much you get and keep but about how much you can give away! True success is about looking in the mirror and seeing someone worthy enough to be a role model to the next generation.
Remember, the sky is not your limit, God is!
and then