IN the wake of the recent publicity on child sexual abuse allegations and arrests that have left many victims damaged in Nigeria and across the world at large and many perpetrators exposed, punished and shamed – including the Vatican still reeling from the damning report released by a grand jury earlier in Pennsylvania that found 300 Catholic priests across the state had abused more than 1,000 children in the past 70 years, coupled with the fallout from an explosive letter that accuses Pope Francis of covering up a sex abuse scandal in the United States – now, more than ever is the time to talk about what primary caregivers can do to reduce the risk of their wards being assaulted. Of course, there are no magic bullets in the fight against sexual abuse, much as there is no foolproof way to protect children from its impalpable sting, but it has to be stated that parents have a very critical and vital role to play in reducing the risk.
To begin with, as a parent, if something happens to your child, always remember that the perpetrator is to blame—not you and especially not the child. However, being actively involved in a child’s life can make warning signs of child sexual abuse more obvious and help the child feel more comfortable coming to you if something isn’t right. Besides, when kids know that their voices will be heard and taken seriously, it gives them the courage to speak up when something isn’t going right. To be sure, many perpetrators use secret-keeping or threats as a way of keeping children quiet about abuse. Remind your child frequently that they will not get in trouble for talking to you, no matter what they need to say and when they eventually do come to you, follow through on this promise and avoid punishing them for speaking up. We can start having these conversations with our children as soon as they begin using words to talk about feelings or emotions.
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Moreover, it is important to know that when it comes to child molestation, we are not talking about “stranger danger” here as many parents believe their kids are at greatest risk of being abused by a stranger. Yet, 9 out of 10 times the abuser is someone known to the child. To put it differently, ninety-five percent of the sexual abuse of youngsters is done by family members, neighbors, baby sitters, teachers, those who work with them, or those who know them while current information indicates that strangers essentially make up about five percent of the reported documented cases. The kids need to know that they have a ‘no touch zone’ and no one has the right to touch them or make them feel uncomfortable — this includes hugs from certain and well known Uncles or even some funny tickling by family friends.. It is important to let your child know that their body is their own and bad touch is bad touch, irrespective of who is doing the touching. Just as important also, we need to continuously remind our children that they do not have the right to touch someone, especially if that person does not want to be touched.
Furthermore, abuse is not usually as obvious as broken bones or bruises. Thus, parents and guardians are advised to become familiar with the warning signs, and notice any changes with your child, no matter how small. These signs might be significant changes in sleeping, eating, mood, lack of interest in things they’d normally enjoy, or strange behavior that does not quickly go away. Whether it’s happening to our child or a child we know, we still have the potential to make a big difference in that person’s life by stepping in. Many parents do not want their child labeled as a survivor of sexual abuse due to the shame and stigma that usually follow, so they often make the decision to deal with it privately rather than involve law enforcement. The implication for such decision is that, the abuser is free to repeat the behavior while he or she unfortunately remains anonymous. It is therefore important that you take action immediately you suspect your child has been assaulted by reporting to the appropriate authorities and ensure that he/she is brought to book.
In essence, sexual abuse of children and teens remains an insidious phenomenon in Nigeria and to be sure, the fight against child molesters begins with parents teaching their children. Children enter this world without a “manual of instructions” and parents are “parents in training,” as was once noted by the famous psychologist, Dr. Joyce Brothers. We can’t have it all figured out as parents, yet, we need to recognize that the responsibility to impart this critical information belongs only to us and no one else. Other appropriate adults can reinforce, remind, and be supportive of the parental process, but the responsibility sure rests with us, the primary carers of our wards, to equip them with the necessary information and training to prevent their being sexually abused. And this is one critical step and responsibility we should take serious as parents for the sake of our children and ourselves because, as they say, preventive measures are always better than corrective ones.
- Yakubu is with the Department of Mass Communication, Kogi State University, Anyigba, Nigeria.
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