IT was their wedding night, hours into the much-anticipated honeymoon. For some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to do what was expected of him. After many tries, they chalked it up to tiredness. Days after, anxiety melted into frustration, which tethered on the brink of anger.
Following a disappointing honeymoon, which was cut short, desperation, he reached out to his most trusted friend. His friend, a pastor, told him to keep it in strictest confident and directed him to a prayer mountain. He was expected to visit the mountain for seven days, with his new wife in tow. As it turned out, on the seventh day, prayers were answered and they have four children now. His first son is currently in the university.
The wheelchair deception
Another account told to TribuneChurch featured a man, who had been involved in an accident, and was confined to a wheelchair. A sister in church met and fell in love with him, and within months, they were headed for the altar. After the wedding, the realisation came to the fore that he was sexually challenged – a fact, which he conveniently hid from her. The marriage was eventually annulled by the church on the basis of “wrong foundation,” as the church described it.
The ovarian cyst miracle
In another instance, the couple had been courting for five years, yet couldn’t take the step to get married because the man’s mother revealed that a doctor-friend had confided in her that the wife-to-be had ovarian cyst and that her chances of getting pregnant was very slim. It happened that the doctor had treated her before and had access to that information, which he thought to share with the prospective groom’s mother, who was a distant relative. The couple stood their ground though. Few weeks to their traditional wedding, they received a revelation and followed divine instructions. They went back for tests at the same hospital that declared she had ovarian cysts, and it was discovered that the cysts had somehow disappeared. They are married now with children.
The ‘dysfunctional’ choirmaster
Sarah (not real name) was at crossroads. She wanted to know whether to walk out of her sham of a marriage. Her husband for five years was having issues with reproductivity, but because he was a choir master in church, it was difficult to walk away from what she described as a sham of a marriage.
Before they got married, he had willingly agreed, as per the church rules, that they wouldn’t have sexual relations. He seemed perfect in every way. He led worship sessions with such devotion, that she was convinced he was specially made for her in heaven. When he failed to perform the expected duty on their wedding night, she chalked it up to tiredness. Days faded into weeks, and after much consultations medically and spiritually (although in secret), followed up by snide remarks from her mother-in-law on her inability to mother a child, she knew she had to do something.
Brother Mark and the lady with no womb
Another example narrated to TribuneChurch occurred in one of the RCCG churches in the South-West. Brother Mark (not real name) had prayed and fasted. For some reason he couldn’t fully explain, the Holy Spirit kept directing him to a particular lady. He kept approaching her, yet she always dismissed his intentions, describing him as a joker. Even when he discussed with his pastor, who also met with the lady in question and told her of Brother Mark’s intention, she insisted that the revelation was by the devil in disguise. The pastor told him to pray some more. Brother Mark returned to prayers and fasting and only returned more convinced than ever that she was his wife. After much probing, she eventually revealed that she kept dismissing Mark’s intention, because she couldn’t have children. She had had several abortions in the past, and on her seventh incident, the doctor said her womb had been affected. To say Mark was shocked would be an understatement. Still, he prayed. According to the narrator, the revelation stood that she was his wife. He took it by faith, stood his ground, even when reservations were expressed, and as it turned out, one month after the wedding, she became pregnant. Refusing to believe it, the couple went to the exact doctor that had told her she could never have children, and the doctor, who confirmed the conception, described it as nothing short of a miracle.
Many were the accounts related to TribuneChurch by victims and third parties, as it was learnt that, there are, indeed, so several instances that affirm the probable concerns established in the recent memo by the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG), dated May 10, 2018, which called for what it described as “genital tests” for intending couples.
When a copy of the memo first reached public space, many doubted its authenticity. However, with confirmation by pastors of the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG), and no subsequent denials by the church, concerns and questions have been raised on the peculiarities of the move by the church on its millions of parishioners nationwide.
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The church should encourage intending couples to embrace honesty —Dr Sanwo
Dr Francis Sanwo, a medical practitioner, who clarified the concept of genital tests, said they weren’t genital tests as presented on the surface level, but tests to determine fertility for the people involved.
He said: “There are such tests to determine the sterility or otherwise for men, as well as tests to determine the fertility of women. However, I’m not sure how that really affects the church, because, in my opinion, procreation is not the only reason couples should get married. The only thing is that the couple should know and decide for themselves. There are alternatives, anyway. In fact, I was surprised, when I read about it. However, I think it is because some persons may want to withhold such important information. I would advise the church to encourage intending couples to endeavour to be honest in the relationship. If the couple agrees, there is nothing wrong with that. Although the church believes procreation is important, that is not the only reason people get married.”
The church’s move is commendable —Dr Fatima
Dr Fatima Jiya Mohammed, another medical practitioner, who commended the RCCG for the move, said there wasn’t anything like ‘genital tests’ in medical terms, but instead they are referred to ‘fertility tests.’
“I know of Christians who come to the hospital for tests on genotype and blood group, based on the directive from the church. However, the one on fertility is quite uncommon. It is not a bad move by the church. There are ways to determine fertility for the man or the woman, even if they are not sexually active. It’s a good thing for couples to know, if they so wish. It’s not just for the church, but for the couple to know the necessary action to take if there are challenges. It is not enough to assume that once a woman is seeing her period, or that a man is sexually active, they are fine.”
Such policies may weaken people’s faith to believe God, even for the impossible —Pastor Ojekanmi
Pastor Abraham Ojekanmi, a marriage counsellor, speaking with TribuneChurch, who noted that there were ways the church’s memo could be commended, but expressed reservations on certain aspects of the directive.
According to him, “We can look at it from two angles. Marriage is not essentially meant for childbearing. The primary purpose of marriage is companionship. I believe before people take the decision to get married, they should be able to tell each other virtually everything about themselves. What happens if there is full disclosure and the couple still insists on getting married? What will the church do then? I don’t believe the church is really getting it in that dimension, but that is my personal opinion anyway. There are so many policies of different churches nowadays that are not essentially biblical; they are brought in as church principles from human perspectives. It is not all policies that are divinely inspired; some are as a result of human factors, as far as the church is concerned. I’ve seen couples who are not even compatible according to blood type, yet they insist on getting married. The church cannot stop people that have decided, since they are adults.
“From another angle, the church is probably trying to reduce problems that crop up from such issues, to the barest minimum. However, in spite of what medical tests may present, is there anything God cannot do? In my opinion, I don’t think the church should have gone to that extent of making policy statements. One of the implications is that some people will boycott the church. More policies as such will still come. However, these policies may not erase these problems; it is preaching the truth, as the truth sets people free, as the Bible states.
“In marriage, the couple needs conviction. That’s what is important. It’s their life; it’s their decision. I understand that the church is trying to help, but sometimes, such policies may reduce people’s faith in the supreme power of God to handle such issues. Such policies may weaken the faith of the people and the ability to believe God, even for the impossible.”
In spite of the many arguments for or against the issue, there are questions the RCCG has to answer, some of which include: What is the church’s policy on third parties on private matters? Where is the place of miracles? What if everything seems fine beforehand and the couple still have challenges anyway? How does genital tests compare to other issues such as adultery, domestic violence and sexual harassment in marriages? And the big question: If the couple refuses and strikes out marriage in the RCCG, then return afterwards, will the church close its gates against them?
We cannot let the church become a jungle of hypocrites —RCCG pastor
A pastor of the RCCG, who spoke to TribuneChurch on the strict condition of anonymity, clarified some of the issues raised.
“At the RCCG, when a couple expresses interest to get married, before the date, they are asked to go to the hospital for certain tests on genotype, blood group and the like. Also, before the wedding, the lady will also be tested to know if she is pregnant. However, because of certain hypocrites, it has come to the fore that such tests are not enough. To avoid issues of deception and reluctance to fully disclose challenges with reproduction, the RCCG decided to come up with this.
“The church has really expanded and if Jesus Christ could have a Judas among his twelve disciples, you can imagine what will happen in the midst of millions of RCCG members all over the world. There are lots of characters in the church, who have the agenda of coming to look for the best of the ladies or the men to marry through deceptive means. Some of them come into the church, pretending to be born again, and sometimes, they go ahead to join the workforce and work towards being ordained. After marriage, however, sometimes, the other partner discovers that he or she has been deceived as the partner has reproductive challenges.
“There are examples of couples, who embrace full disclosure, but what of those who are deceptive? The church cannot ask couples to commit fornication, under the pretext of determining fertility. It is against the Christian doctrine. The RCCG cannot permit that; it is unrighteous. That’s like putting God to a test. So, the little we can do as humans, is to make use of the wisdom God has given us through innovative technology to determine such compatibility. Although the test is not a do-or-die affair, the rule is if the couple refuses to do the test, they will not be wedded in the church. If they get married outside the church, that’s their problem, but if they come back, we cannot tell them to go away. The church is for everybody. However, for cases like that, there are levels such people won’t be able to get to in the church hierarchy, because it would be like setting bad examples. We cannot let the church become a jungle.”
and then