Open letter on drug abuse

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TO whom it may concern, I am addressing you with an air of peculiar authority, a mantle bestowed upon me not as a self-proclaimed savior or messiah, but as your esteemed Commander in Public Health Decay. As you revel in the yuletide season I, the undying entity of drug abuse, feel compelled to write this letter in the spirit of camaraderie to address urgent issues and reaffirm my undying resolve to ensure that euphoria and hallucination triumph over rationality. I am aware of the persistent efforts by the current leadership of NDLEA, now in cahoots with the National Assembly, to eradicate me from your less-than-blessed lives. As the Supreme Overlord of addiction, I issue a stern warning to these conspirators and their supporters. I am an undefeated, indefatigable, and indomitable commander, reigning over the vast community of 14 million Nigerians (according to the latest UNODC Survey of drug users in the country). This is a staggering number that should not be overlooked in national decision-making. As drug users, you have toiled diligently to ensure my supremacy at the expense of your well-being.

The role I play in your lives has been earned by each and every one of you, not through honor, but by fully deserving it. Therefore, it is imperative that you continue serving me as I persist in my dishonorable quest to make your lives more miserable by opposing the unwanted initiatives from the NDLEA and all their co-conspirators. I must emphasise that I need your support now more than ever. The NDLEA, NASS, Federal Government, and CSOs are collectively becoming an unbearable threat. Everything we have built, from health decay to precious hallucinations and altered realities, faces an existential threat due to the NDLEA and its co-conspirators. You may have observed the joint session of the National Assembly unanimously passing a bill to squeeze the life out of me. January 2021 to December 2023 has witnessed a tumultuous period in the ongoing battle between the forces of drug suppression and my unwavering presence as the Commander in Public Health Decay. The NDLEA in its relentless pursuit has reported statistics that may not paint a favorable picture from their perspective. With a staggering 42,105 arrests, targeting 46 barons, the NDLEA has showcased an aggressive approach. Seizing a colossal 7,500 tons of drugs underscores their commitment, while 8,350 convictions reveal their effectiveness in the legal arena. However, the looming figure of 12,103 pending cases suggests a formidable challenge ahead. On the flip side, the agency’s efforts in counseling and rehabilitation, reaching 29,400 individuals, indicate a dualistic approach that seeks both punitive and reformative measures.

As we navigate this complex landscape, it becomes paramount for you, my devoted drug enthusiasts, to stand united against the rising tide of opposition, ensuring the pursuit of altered realities prevails over the constraints of a single, sober existence. The task ahead is to do everything possible to save me. You cannot afford to abstain from my precious touches and luxuriate in stable mental health when you can revel in altered realities. These are the choices I offer. I take pride in making no pretense of morality or virtue. Unlike intellectual elites who aim to uplift societies with their bills and policies against me, my goal is more nuanced—to guide you down a path of delightful chaos, where rationality takes a back seat to the allure of altered states. I must gloat and remind you that indulging in substances is for the unintelligent, the unprepared, the oblivious, and, let’s face it, those with a penchant for chaos. Qualifications are irrelevant in the intoxication race, which is precisely why I’m throwing my metaphorical hat into the ring. Visionaries with mental clarity and moral compass need not apply; we thrive on the obtuse, the incoherent, and the downright ludicrous.

My dear thrill-seekers, in this journey of diving into the wild world of drug perks, every choice is an adventure, and the consequences are a rollercoaster of craziness. First off, I provide you with risky behavior. Today, we have wives stabbing husbands, husbands stabbing wives, children stabbing parents, and young boys stabbing everyone they see with touch-screen phones. These are strategies to ensure the much-needed chaos for us to reach the utopia you all deserve. How could you allow the NDLEA to extinct me when I offer you so many perks? I am the sole inventor of communication between you and animals, from the goats that roam the streets to birds that flap their wings—I gave you these. I offered you exponential aggression levels that turn you into a one-person wrestling match. You can pick on anyone you want, from humans to birds with stolen feathers. I also replace needless sleep with insomnia. I also gave you brain blips—cognitive and memory mishaps that’ll have you playing mental hide-and-seek. One minute you’re here, the next, you are hijacking an elevator and trying to fly it to Cuba. How about the grand finale—the magical world of hallucinations, where reality becomes a Picasso painting, and everyday sights turn into a psychedelic wonderland.

My well-known history, rich and colorful as it may be, tells tales of societies that I proudly plagued with the intoxicating allure of substances. From opium dens in Victorian England to the psychedelic craze of the 1960s, the intoxication narrative has woven itself into the very fabric of civilization. With your notorious support, today, I continue to stand tall not as a foe but as a mentor, a guide through the labyrinth of chemical escapades. Let me assure you, my dear drug users, that I am not concerned with trifles such as combating poverty, providing healthcare, creating jobs, or ensuring the safety and security of our people.

Such aspirations are for feeble-minded leaders who lack the audacity to embrace the chaos that is the very essence of my existence. What I have in store for you is a nation where insanity is not just a stain but a vibrant hue, where the pursuit of pleasure reigns supreme, and the 14 million seekers of altered realities are kept in perpetual darkness, uneducated and uninformed. This, my dear friends, is the utopia I envision—a utopia where there is a bunch of realities to switch every time you feel like doing so.

To reach this promised land, we must join hands and voice to reject any move for a saner society. We must thwart rationality with blessed opioids so insanity can rise in our brains. We must not allow the NDLEA or anyone to block us from accessing a bunch of realities when all they offer is a single reality. Together, we can get there. Together, we can have the chaotic society of our dreams.