My prostate cancer ordeal —Charly Boy

In a recent conversation with Segun Adebayo at his Lagos residence, Charly Boy opened up about his battle with prostate cancer and his mission to support other men facing similar challenge through a newly established foundation.

So, let’s take this from the very beginning — many people were shocked when you came out with this story that you had prostate, more shocked were they when you also said you could no longer perform sexual duties”. Many people thought you were just catching it. Could you take us through the journey?

As I always say, there are times and seasons in everybody’s life, a time when you like Egusi over Ogbonno, a time when you like power bikes over scooters, and so on and so forth. I thank God that through his grace, I’ve been able to have very active, fulfilling youthful years, so I don’t think I’m missing out on anything, but the reason I went to town with my challenges was simply because I had to get that message out, I had to tell my fellow men that it’s alright not to be alright. I had to tell my fellow men to desist from not being able to be as open as I was going about my challenges, that there’s something sinister, something technically wrong with not being open, and I know most of this comes from how we men have been brainwashed over the years. They say, “a man is not supposed to cry”, “whatever you have that is paining you, just chest it, don’t even tell anybody”. And the worst of all, “if you’re married, don’t let your wife know, because she might use the information against you” and all of that.

I felt obligated to go and speak on behalf of men, to say this is the wrongest thing that you can do to yourself. And of course, there were a lot of things that inspired that move in the first place, because Prostate doesn’t run in my family, not to talk about cancer, so when I discovered that that was what was going on, and being a health freak as I am, always checking and looking into my body, always having my regular checkups, I felt that something was amiss. And what was that? It started with the doctors, especially in Nigeria, even in Sweden, and abroad, who kept on telling me “oh, your PSA (prostate-specific antigen) is okay”, it never passed 3.0, I know some people, their PSA is like 17, 30, but my own never passed 3.0.

So, here I was feeling cool with myself, but I was going through changes, and what are those changes? There was a period that I was wearing diapers all the time, because I was constantly leaking. I was constantly going to the bathroom, no sooner had I taken a pee, in the next three minutes, I want to go back to the bathroom, and most of the times, by the time I get to the bathroom, I would have already peed on myself. There was no way I could have worn one underwear or boxer for more than half a day, because it would just stink the whole place, so I had to keep changing, but it was also attacking my brain. I started to have performance anxiety, because I noticed that my erections were becoming irregular, it was like my organ had a mind of its own, it would erect at its own time, not my time. I noticed that I had lost command of my own organ, and I couldn’t understand it.

As I said, the one that killed me the most was the performance anxiety, and after that, it was like I really had no interest in sex, not with my wife, not with anybody. Maybe I thought it was a “see-finish” situation with my wife, and I won’t lie to you, like I never lied to my wife, I said “okay, I would try other people, let me see”, and it was the same thing. I had travelled all the way to London, to go and see the experts, I think that was two years back, and they gave me one funny pill, I think it was about 17,000 pounds, it’s almost 20,000 pounds today in the hospital. Where I go see that kain money? I no get money na.

 

What did you think saved you from this predicament that could have killed you as it did others?

What saved me was because I was talking everywhere, complaining to everybody.

I was lucky to meet one Nigerian there who had the same problem, and I was sharing my story and challenges with him, and he goes “listen o, there’s one guy here in London, but he’s always coming to Nigeria every other month, and he has decided to do something close to a Pro bono for Nigerians, because the thing is hitting Nigerian men badly.”

So, of course, I immediately collected the doctor’s number, and he told me when he would arrive in Nigeria, and I like the fact that I finally did what I had to do in Nigeria. I didn’t run away to America, even though I no get money o, I like that I was able to do it in a hospital in Nigeria, because the guy did come, and after I went to see him, he said “you need to go and have this precise checkup”, I think it’s called MRI, this was to be done around my manhood, so that we can ascertain what exactly is wrong. The day I brought the report back to him, he said “you need to go in, I don’t like what I’m seeing”, and that’s how the next day, I was admitted into Reddington, and that same day I was admitted, I was operated on in Reddington. Now, I understand why men are scared because of this, I had Stage 1 Prostate cancer, I was lucky because my pee and everything were mixing with my bladder, it had become cancerous, so there was a need to just stop it in its track, and that’s why the next day after the examination, I was admitted.

I stayed in Reddington Hospital for about five days, and my recovery was kind of quick. I can’t say now, that I’m totally free. This operation happened last year around May.

 

How was the post-surgery experience like for you?

After a successful surgery, you can imagine someone like me, who’s really not a religious person, my wife carry me go church, she said we must thank God, and of course I went to church, invited a few people, but wetin still dey cry for bush, still dey cry for bush, because throughout my challenge, I noticed, like I said earlier, that I had become so uninterested in sex. I used to think that as I don collect some 47 years from my wife, see finish don enter, but that wasn’t true, I just turned off, because my “thing” still wasn’t rising when it was supposed to rise, and I didn’t have the full command of my organ, and you know, for a man, your penis is like your priced possession.

 

How did you deal with the realisation of the fact that you may never be able to perform the way you used to?

For a man wey no too get money, and him thing no dey too function, you feel less of a man, and that is why a lot of men that I know, they don’t want to talk about it, they want to just carry it as their own cross. But as I keep saying, it is bad. The sooner you check up to know what’s happening in your body, the better the more prepared you are.

Now, like I said earlier on, while I was wondering what to do, and somebody had heard my interview on TV, and on the radio, I don’t mind mentioning his name. His is name is Louis Stan Ekeh, the computer guy who owns one of the biggest franchises with. Xenox Computers. And he said to me “you know, Charlie, the way that I’ve seen you answer questions, I think this is what you should sign off with, let this be part of the legacy you leave since you’re so good at talking to people and having sessions with men. Why don’t you do this as a full-time job? And I said that’s the best idea I’ve ever heard and that’s how I jumped into action. And the thing about me is once you give me a good idea, I just run with it.

So that’s how we set up the Charly Boy Foundation and we began working with different people; hospitals in the East, in Umuahia, in Owerri, Enugu, and Abuja. We are in partnership with these organizations. And our primary duty was to raise funds knowing that men can be slow in medically checking themselves, and I, as the Chief Campaigner for awareness against Prostate Cancer, my duty is to relate with the men in such a way that they can have a test done, at least, for the first time.

How does the foundation plan to secure the funds needed to subsidise the cost for prostrate cancer test for those in need?

Depending on your location, it typically costs about 50k to 100k but the foundation is ready to offset half or perhaps even three-quarter of the test fee and this is why we need funds and donations to help other people who may not have the wherewithal to pay for the basic test.

After the basic test and the results are not so bad, we can also help with follow-up medications but if the results say it is quite serious, we can randomly select certain patients and make funds available for a full surgery. So, this is our modus operandi but the thing is, I really can’t do it alone. I’m not a doctor, nor do I have anything to do with the medical sector. My job is majorly to create awareness and publicize to the men that openness is important in these challenging times.

 

What would you like to say to Nigerians who have been fairly blessed with enough resources to support this kind of project?

So, for any family that has gone through what I have gone through, they will understand, and all they can do is help us with their widow’s mite, whatever they can afford. The truth is I’m still scratching my head, I don’t see a lot of NGOs that are catering for men, because it’s all about women and children, I mean, men are human beings too. And you know how mothers’ day dey be now, and when you flip it, you know how fathers’ dey be.’ Children hardly celebrate their fathers, and I don’t know where all this is coming from, whether it’s the mothers that are brainwashing the children, I really just don’t understand why men are always the last on the line.

That is why there’s a correlation between “you’re a man now, chest am, man up”, “shey you no be man, why are you crying?”, and I keep saying those are wrong messages, because when some things touch me ehn, I go cry like a baby, if I no cry in public, I go cry inside my room.

When people say “can you cry?”, I say “wetin, am I a robot?”, Of course I can cry; I cry when it’s necessary to cry. When I’m hurt, or when I’m feeling down, I cry. And I smile when it’s necessary to smile. When I see that maybe through my handiwork, I’ve added value to someone, or while I’m riding my scooter, all I can give is a smile, and if you see me and return that smile, I’ll say “May your day be blessed”.

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