In continuation of our discuss about marriage spoilers that couples must avoid, I present to us here another spoiler, which is, constant violation of a spouse. Simply put, it means taking a spouse for granted, regularly. Many people are guilty of at least, one of these, and when it has become a habit, it will endanger the marriage. Married couples must avoid making an habit of violating their partners in one way or another, if they want to experience honeymoon forever in the marriage, or keep the marriage forever. The following pointers are examples of how not to take ourselves for granted in marriage.
*The gentle or peaceful nature or character
By nature, some people are just peace loving and gentle. They are not giving to quarrelling or fighting. Like it’s figuratively stated in some climes, you can keep water in the mouth of such people, and it will be returned to you, intact, on demand. When you get married to such a one, he or she will seek for peace in the marriage at all times. They are quick to apologise for any misunderstanding, even if they are not at fault; they will easily appease their partners if things are getting out of hand; they are slow to speak and act in anger, swift to hear and not easily offended or giving to offences.
Such spouses can be easily, and in reality have been, and are still being taken for a ride in the marriage. After all, he or she has a stomach to contain your excesses, so no hassle. But the truth is that, when such are pushed to the wall, it’s always not funny. Many have made their partners disappear in the marriage, both physically and emotionally, as a result of being insensitive to the fact that there is a limit to human endurance. We can do without taking undue advantage of each other other, in the marriage.
*The emotional feelings
Two sustaining personal emotional benefits in a marriage are companionship and sexual fulfillment. These two are usually strongly canvassed by officiating figures during the marriage ceremony. It’s a point of make or break in marriage. Some partners, on the grounds of job or business or religious calling, jeopardise their marital harmony by taking their spouses for granted in the areas of companionship and sexual fulfillment. Few years ago, a world renowned Christian evangelist almost lost his wife to divorce, on these two grounds. Some partners are married to their jobs, professions, and religious callings rather than being married to human beings. Thus, they put the marriage in jeopardy of infidelity, divorce and emotional trauma. Couples must avoid this spoiler like a plague. Financial provisions for the marriage and family, like some guilty partners usually claim, cannot and has never replaced companionship and sexual fulfillment in the marriage. If you are lacking in these two needs, and your spouse is not complaining, it is either of two things: she or he is dying gradually and at the right time, she or he will disappear, or she or he is getting those needs met elsewhere, with grave consequences for the marriage and family, including out of wedlock children.. So, head or tail, you are the loser if you don’t act fast in order to correct the situation.
Using bold face to cow your partner’s complaint instead of apologising over a wrong may create a monster out of him or her. For instance, I heard of a pathetic situation where a husband beat his wife up for confronting him over being sexually involved with a female neighbour. That was the beginning of spiritual warfare in the marriage. She simply went on a spiritual revenge mission that eventually led to the early death of the husband, apart from other misfortunes that befell the family.
*The weak position.
When a spouse is weak in the marriage, in terms of financial ability, health, parental background, and the like, it’s not a reason for such to be taken for granted, or be violated in the marriage. Some wives, because they are financially stronger than their husbands, lord things over their husbands: their words and desires are simply laws in the marriage and family. After all, the employer of the piper dictates the tunes. Some husbands violate their wives because they are the breadwinner, with the wives being at their mercy for provisions. In fact, some husbands deliberately make their wives, full time house wives, to be able to lord things over them.
Others take advantage of the poor or weak parental background of their spouses for granted in dealing with them. The picture here is that such have no one to fight for them or run to, in times of crisis. This becomes pronounced if such lack full parental approval for the marriage. I’m also aware of some marriages in which the poor family background of one spouse makes such highly vulnerable to Ill treatment.
Taking such for granted is just a matter of time. “Sympathisers” abound outside who will take them on a flight to freedom that may be of a heavy cost to the marriage and family. Let us be careful in order to avoid a disastrous end in the marriage. Or have you not heard the now popular saying, “Egungun be careful, you are approaching the express road”? Egungun means masquerade. If you are taking your spouse for granted, then you need to be careful, otherwise your masquerade is approaching the express road carelessly. I’m sure you no what that means?
*The generous nature
Some people are just naturally generous and givers. They can spend and be spent for others. In marriage, they are the ones with no hold back in providing for the family needs, even at times, making themselves vulnerable to abuses from their partners. If they are the husbands, they are easily manipulated by their spouses to fund frivolities and unnecessary projects for the wives and stooges of the wives: families, friends, groups etc. If they are wives, they are easily blackmailed by their husbands to shoulder the financial burden of the family, rather than being the biblical helpmeet to the husband.
Couples must avoid violating the generous nature of their spouses. There is always a breaking point for such generous nature. We must deal with ourselves on the basis of love and care, rather than taking each other for granted.
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