One person that is important to the survival of a marriage is the mother in law. She can be a blessing or a curse to the marriage. A curse if she feels threatened and, a blessing if she feels secure about her son’s marriage. Not only has that, being a blessing or a curse also depended on how her wisdom pendulum swings. This also follows how wise she is in discharging her responsibilities as a mother in law. Whether a blessing or a curse, a mother in law is to be respected by her daughter in law.
Why the mother in-law is an issue
Unfortunately, the mother in-law has become an issue in marriage; a recurring one for that matter. An issue when the bad and the ugly side of the personality involved comes to play. That’s why on the whole; the mother in-law does not hold a good image in the marriage, in many families. It’s so bad that many intending wives wish they don’t end up with a mother in-law. Do I hear someone screaming murder? Well, you may not be totally wrong since the desire is to have the ‘would be’ mother in-law dead. This becomes apt since some actually don’t mind scheming the death of their mothers’ in-law. Let me leave the judgement about murderous daughters’ in-law to your discretion. But whatever your judgement is, the truth is that today’s daughter in-law, will end up, other things being equal, as a mother in-law. So, be careful about what you desire for your mother in-law, since the law of Kama becomes automatically operational.
The wise mother in-law
This is the one who is secured about her son’s marriage and positions herself as a solid foundation for his marriage. This is the one who goes all out to work for the success of her son’s marriage. She spares no effort to ensure that she is a part of the success story of her son’s marriage.
She doesn’t view her daughter in-law as a rival or competitor in the life of her son. Rather, she accepts her as a feminine figure complimenting her role in the life of her son. She positions herself to accept her son’s wife, as a daughter while seeing herself as a mother to the son’s wife.
Do we have many of such wise and good mother in-laws around today? I leave the answer for you.
A wise mother in-law, who can find her? She doesn’t position herself as a power broker in her son’s marriage. She doesn’t side with her son in the event of a conflict in the marriage. She cares about the welfare of her daughter in-law. She helps to put her daughter in-law right in the matter of house keeping, in a wise manner, without endangering her position as a good wife. Indeed, borrowing a leaf from the Bible, “her price is far above rubies.” She is the delight of every wife.
This is an excerpt about a good mother in law:
“Barely three weeks after my son’s wedding and honeymoon, had I noticed an unusual “stopping by” at my place on his way home in the evenings, then I thought he was missing his original home. I asked him why but he gave no reasonable answer. He always asked for food when he came around, that was rather odd for a newly married man. On his fourth visit, he came with one of his friends who was well known to me. I confided in his friend, who simply told me that our new wife “cannot cook”. By the fifth time, she had gotten a hang of things, even better than I imagined. On her way home, she hugged me passionately and said “Thank you Mum, you saved my marriage and you never even scolded me.” I am told that with my son’s encouragement, she is now contemplating on opening a restaurant”.
The foolish mother in-law
This is the one that daughters in-law do not wish to stay alive to witness the sons’ marriage. Such a mother in-law is feared by her daughter in-law. This is the one who gives the “institution” of the mother in-law a bad name.
She is foolish because, rather than seeing and embracing her son’s wife, as a blessing, she is on the edge to make sure that her son is protected from the hands of a perceived enemy of both mother and son. She’s ever crying wolves, though there’s none. This is that mother who does not see anything good about her daughter in-law. As a matter of fact, she is the exact opposite of the good mother in-law. She positions herself as a rival or competitor to her, and refuses to see or embrace her as a daughter, and neither does she accept that she is a mother to her. She is a terrifying terrorist, terrorising her son’s marriage. She is not desirable to any daughter in-law, and as such, she has a death wish hanging on her neck, till death come calling for her.
A foolish mother in law, who can find? She is worthless. She is good for nothing, and like a popular saying around my place, “she is not useful to a white man, and also a liability to the government of the land.” She is a bad taste in the mouth. Nobody wants her for a penny. Even to her son, she is bad PR. May God save one from such a foolish mother in-law.
Is it difficult to identify such a foolish mother in law? Absolutely not.
She gives in to suspicion of her son’s wife. She is always on the neck of her son for financial commitments, watching over his life like a hawk perching for chicks. She is loud mouthed, quarrelsome and evil. She qualifies for the title of a witch, with the way she deplores her monitoring prowess around her son’s marriage. If you have ever read about the biblical quarrelsome wife, then you already have a true picture of her. She rejoices at the destruction of her son’s marriage. After all, she is not tired of taking care of her son. So, nothing is wrong if he ends up with her as a graduated bachelor. Conclusively, she is a sandy foundation for a marriage that is unfortunate to be saddled with her. Nobody, especially ladies, wants to have anything to do with her, not to talk of having her as a mother in law. In biblical terms, her price is far below the rubies. The heart of her daughter in-law detests her, and calls her a curse. She is a bad testimony of mother in-laws. She is a conflict point in any marriage she ends up with. She is a factor of insecurity than security the marriage.
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