Human rights activist, administrator/human relations expert, Doyinsola Ilori, is a healthcare worker in the United States of America. She shared her life story with TUNDE ADELEKE.
What is your view on marriage and the controversy on women’s proclivity to being self-centred and negatively influencing their children against their father?
I thought I was going to be married forever. Unfortunately, the marriage broke down. Naturally, I was extremely bitter. I wasn’t prepared for single parenting and felt betrayed. So, it was indeed a tortuous time for the children. After a while, when calmer emotions and I was able to rationally think, I knew the children’s wholesome development was greater than my feelings; so, I had to deal with the idea of involving the other parent in their lives.
Initially, it might seem impossible, but over time, things changed; the hurt subsided and I just moved on. Today, my ex-husband and I are friendly with each other. I’m sure we took this decision because of the children. If you love the children, don’t deprive them of access to the other parent, except the other parent chooses not to want to be part of their lives. It’s just the right thing to do, even if you don’t want to do it. It’s not about you, but about what’s good for the children. I, therefore, don’t support the idea that any spouse should keep the children away from the other one.
Can you tell us about your background and your experience growing up?
I am Doyinsola Ilori, also addressed as Ajokeade Ọmọ-Ayinde by close friends. I particularly love this name because it makes me feel connected to my late dad whose ‘oriki’ was Ayinde. I was born in Ibadan in October, 1965 into the family of late Professor And Mrs. Joseph Olagoke Ilori from Efon-Alaaye. But I grew up at the University of Ife (now Obafemi Awolowo University) where my father was a lecturer. My parents travelled out of the country shortly after my birth for about six years, during that time, my dad enrolled for the postgraduate programme and earned his doctorate at Purdue State University in Indiana. It was when they came back to Nigeria that we moved down to Ile-Ife where he continued his career as a lecturer.
I am blessed with a bit of native intelligence acquired from experiences with my paternal grandmother, who I usually visited during the holidays from my teenage years in Efon. Before then, my grandmother had lived with us in Ife, and we had been there for each other. She was actually my first mother figure. So, after I relocated to the United States, I made it an annual practice to visit her in Efon each time I visited Nigeria. My grandmother could not read or write in English while alive, but understood English conversations. So, not much could slide past her in those days. How she was able to do that remains a mystery to us (the family) till date.
What about your education?
I had my primary, secondary and tertiary education in Ile Ife. I attended University of Ife Staff School and Sijuwade Nursery and Primary School, Ile-Ife, then advanced to Our Lady’s Girls High School, Modakeke. I gained admission to the then University of Ife in 1983 and graduated in 1987 with a degree in English (Education). I was in Ijebu-Ode, Ogun State, for the mandatory National Youth Service Corps scheme in 1987/1988.
How did you meet your dream man?
God, perhaps, ordered my steps in that direction by sending me to Ijebu-Ode where I initially met the man I later married. His father’s house had a flat rented out as the official residence for corps members by the school where I served. Ten years later, we met again in Lagos. Shortly after then, we decided to get married, believing that we would live happily together thereafter. Unfortunately, the marriage was dissolved after 17 years.
Who was the greatest influence on you growing up?
My dad was one of the most influential figures in my life, growing up. He taught me some values that I still hold dear to date, many of which I have passed on to my children.
Can you take us through your career journey?
After my first degree, I went to a Secretarial and Administrative School called Speedwriting International, in Lagos. My first job was as a sales executive with a travel agency after my youth service in 1989, it was from there that I went to Speedwriting. After Speedwriting, I got my first administrative and secretarial job at Insight Communications, working directly with the Directors of Finance and Strategic Planning, Messrs Kola Ogunde and Dr.Osas Emokpae respectively. From there, I moved to SA&C Advertising in Apapa as Personal Assistant to the MD, late Mr Segun Afowowe. I had the opportunity of working at Vigeo Ltd, Facade Technology and Etal Hotels and Halls, in various managerial capacities before relocating to the United States with my family in 2007.
Can you recollect any unforgettable experience in your life?
The most traumatic and unforgettable experience for me was the untimely demise of my brother, Olawole ArẹmuIlori, on January 10, 2000. My late brother was the heart of the family; he was the person that had a cool relationship with everyone and the chief mediator for all. Twenty-three years later, today, I still miss him sorely. He was the only person I listened to without questioning and he earned this from the many ways he repeatedly showed me love as siblings in those few years we had the opportunity to live as one.
What adventures were you involved in as a young girl?
I did everything every young girl would do. Let’s just say I lived a good life, experienced everything a young lady needed to experience to be grounded in life.
Do you have any favourite food?
Yes, freshly prepared amala, ewedu with pọ̀nmọ́ and fresh fish soup works for me every time. That is my favourite anyday. I don’t like my amala wrapped in anything and served minutes later. It has to come straight from the pot onto my plate, hot and soft.
What genre of music do you like listening to?
I love Fuji music. I actually introduced Fuji music to my family members. However, from time to time, I may love a particular musician who is not in the Fuji genre. Right now, I love Mohbad. Ironically, I didn’t know about the young man until after his demise, even though I knew and loved much of his music.
How do you unwind?
In my leisure time, I spend time on social media, where I write under the pen name ‘DEEisReal’. I am actually known by many people as DEEisReal. I got this name from my being honest, real and truthful about everything I either talk about on my podcasts or write on. Even very personal things I divulge, stating nothing, but the absolute truth. Rather than lie about anything, I will plead the Fifth Amendment. I am the kind of person that don’t want others to make my mistakes in life and fall into the same pit with me. I, therefore, generously use my personal mistakes to teach people things they may want to avoid or imbibe to live a life better than mine. I also relax through sleeping. I used to read a lot, but the advent of electronic gadgets and social media effectively took care of that.
Any regrets?
I wish I had stayed back in Nigeria to accept a job offer that came my way at PZ just about two months before I relocated with my family. I was managing Etal Hotels then and mediated a matter that involved the big boss that had stayed in the hotel. He was extremely impressed and offered me a job on the spot. However, my whole spirit was already abroad; so, I didn’t even want to consider any other suggestion.
What would you consider your asset or strength?
I am too blunt, fair-minded and believe in the doctrine that implores us to do unto others what we want done to us.
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