Finance has been identified as one of the major causes of crisis in many homes. For peace to reign in your home, would you hand over your monthly salary to your husband? This is the question RACHAEL OLUSOLA asked a cross section of women. Below are their responses.
Ebele Enemchukwu: It’s true that I’m a budding entrepreneur and now run my own business, but until July last year, I was in full-time paid employment. And that was my story for 12 years. So, during my years as a salary earner, and 11 of those years being married to my husband, the issue of handing my salary to him never arose; either through his prompting, or out of my own volition.
You see, I believe I’m blessed. I won’t act oblivious of the fact that this is probably what some salary earners have to deal with monthly as wives. But I say I’m blessed because that demand has never been made of me by my husband. He is a super hard-working man, and the Igbo man in him will probably feel insulted if I offer to give him my salary. He is also too proud to make that demand. Still, don’t get me wrong, of my own free will and gauging both the situation in the home and our other financial obligations, I always help. I make my contributions as wife, mother, in-law, etc. within and outside the home. In summary, I’ve never been under any pressure to turn in my income (not while I was an employee or now that I’m an employer). However, because my husband is my friend and we communicate, I’m almost always clear on where some assistance from me is needed at every point in time.
Yomi Adeniyi: I will contribute to this topic as practical as it applies to my home. It doesn’t mean that this is what plays out in every other home. So, I must say I’m blessed to be married to a man who respects and values his role as the father in the house.
First of all, my husband doesn’t even need my salary. He provides for the family and makes sure everyone is fine. My salary is added income to whatever my husband gives to me.
So, even if he asks that I hand it over, it’s probably for the benefit of the family and not for his personal interest. He is one of the few that won’t let their women take up their duties in the family. In a nutshell I’ll be bold to tell you that my money is my money but his money is our money.
Bolatito Joseph: Giving my husband my salary is like keeping my salary in a bank and it doubles when it is time to withdraw from it. So why not, especially when you love him and he loves you too? I am not saying that those who can’t keep their salary with their husbands are wrong or selfish; they must have their reasons. Again, it depends on the man involved. They know their men, so one can’t blame them.
Bola Sarumi Aliyu: Yes, I can hand over my salary to my husband because I trust him and I know the home front will always be his priority. I trust him with the fund because I know that he won’t waste it on anything irrelevant. Vice versa, he trusts me as well because we always talk about our finances together. When he has, he gives me and when I do, I support him and I believe we should support our husbands. If he is reckless, you can’t trust him and you need to help him manage his fund. But, if you know you can trust your man, you should work with him.
Bolanle Adeoye: I don’t think I can because I don’t even think he will ask for it. We both have financial commitments to the home and so he doesn’t need to collect money from me before I do my own part. I have never thought of it, that he would ask me for my salary but if he asks me for money, maybe once or twice in a year, I can give it to him but not every month.
Onaopemipo Kolade: I can do that because in the first place, it is our money and that is something that should be understood. It is something that a couple has to agree on, there is no big deal about it. His money is my money and mine is his. Though we have separate accounts, it is still our money, we spend it together, so why not? I can do that. We make plans together, sort them out together, spend money together. so basically, I think it comes from a point of love and trust in the marriage. Know that the man has got your interest at heart and you also do what is in the best interest of the family so that everything can work smoothly. I think for most women, they would rather have their husband be the one spending the money.
Mrs Justina Asunni. I can’t hand over my salary to my husband when he has his own job and is earning his own salary. I did something like that before but I was not okay with the way he was spending the money and he also betrayed me. Let us not deceive ourselves , many men are not worth doing that with because they will spend that money on their side chicks or they will spend it the way they see it because they were not the one that worked for it.
Mrs Funmilayo Adeleke: I cannot do it, because the husband that we are talking about has his own parents and younger ones and if I give him my salary and one of his family members needs money, he would give them the money, he would also spend the money the way he sees it. If one of his parents asked him to throw a party for him\her, he would give him\her out of the money but if the money is in my care, I would know how to spend it in the right way and I will know how to manage it. Handing over my salary to my husband is not good at all. I can’t even have a joint account with my husband because if I need money I will have to ask him first but if he’s the one that needs money, he will not ask for my permission before taking the money. I can spend my salary on my children, I can spend it on my husband but I can’t hand over my salary to my husband.
MRS Aramide Balogun : No. why would I hand over my salary to my husband when I am okay? One thing I know for sure is that my husband cannot hand over his salary to me. I can’t even do it for the sake of the love we have for each other because we are no longer teenagers; we are adults and he is not the one working for me. I can do it for my children but not for my husband.
Mrs Ayodele Adeola: If my husband is working, I can not hand over my salary to him but if he his not working, I can give him my salary. If he Is working, handing over my salary to him it will be based on agreement between us; that the money will be used for certain things. But if there is nothing like that between us, I can’t do it. However, anytime I collect my salary, I will let him know about it. A responsible man will not be waiting for his wife ‘s salary. If I wish to give him, I can give it to him.
Mrs Oluwadamilola Amos: Handing over my salary to my husband means we have an agreement that this is what we want to use the money for, like paying our children’s school fees, buying of foodstuffs and so on but if we don’t have agreement, it also depends on the level of love in the marriage. If the love we have for each other is still strong that is when I can do that, but if my husband is not a straightforward man, sorry, I cannot do it.
Mrs Mariam Adetayo: I can give it to him if my husband is a good man and is also responsible. If he is not good enough, I can- not give him my salary. Even if he shows me true love, I cannot give it to him.
Mrs Abiola Ogundipe: If my husband is not working, I can give him my salary, but if he is working,sorry, I can’t give him my salary. Why I can’t give my husband my salary is because he is also working and earning salary. I am the firstborn of my parents, I will give my parents money and my younger ones. If he is not working, I will give him half of my salary, but I can’t give him all my salary.
Yetunde Agunpopo: Marriage is meant to be a fusion of two hearts. God established marriage and the demand is for the wives to be subjects to their husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:24). God then instructs the man to love his wife as Christ loved the church and give himself up for her. Simply put, without any limitations, this is God’s standard.
Marriage, however, does not subsume my personality as a woman. I must understand that the man himself has a duty to love me. I must be able to trust him with my life and all. If not, I would be walking myself into a situation that would get me exploited and used, if not abused.
Legally, a marriage allows one’s spouse access (not automatic ownership) to the property of the other. Thus, my willingness to give my salary to my husband becomes key. It is not to be forced on me and neither do I expect my husband to cajole me.
However, I might be unwilling to give my salary to my husband if I do not trust him, his intentions or his decision-making ability; if he is a spendthrift, an abuser or a selfish and egoistic person who doesn’t have the interest of the family at heart. I can’t, if he is disobedient to God’s rule of engagement for marriage and has compromised his wife and children over time.