One key factor in marriage is communication. The extent to which a marriage will succeed depends on how effective the communication in the marriage is. Since communication involves two parties — the sender and the receiver-,a couple must ensure that they achieve effective communication.
Furthermore, since communication also involves sending and receiving of messages, every couple must also see to it that any message being sent is received. That is, it must be understood. Communication is not effective if the message is not understood by the recipient.
I have come to realise that a lot of conflicts in marriage centres around poor or ineffective communication. Many couples have crisis because communication in the marriage is poor, or better stated, ineffective. Couples most of the time don’t achieve effective communication. That is why they have to quarrel over and over again, and go through the motion of resolving the issues:; and amazingly, such settlement will have to be through communication as well. It is like the case of a person who was told to say sorry for an error, but kept saying he could not say sorry, repeatedly on the issue. Or better stated, the person who refused to advertise his business, but had to advertise the same business at the point of selling the business why is it that couples do not get it right at the onset, since it is through the same communication line that they have to toe to resolve their conflicts? Why wait for a third party to meditate in achieving effective communication in marriage, when the same can be achieved right at the onset in the marriage? Why is it that a third party, especially a marriage counsellor is able to get a couple to achieve effective communication at the point of conflict resolution?
The truth of the matter is that every human relationship requires effective communication. Most of the time when communities, groups or nations have conflicts, it is usually as a result of ineffective communication. But at the mediation table, conflicts are resolved because the mediator is able to achieve effective communication between the warring parties. So, there is the need for us to look at the factors inhibiting effective communication in marriage and proffer workable solutions for them. If this is achieved, marriages will become heaven on earth for most couples.
The first step in that direction is for each couple to accept the responsibility to make communication effective in their marriage. This becomes necessary because it takes two to tango. Two cannot walk or work together, except they agree. Once we are able to srike the cord of agreement between the two individuals in the marriage, the job of achieving effective communication becomes “easy does it”. So, let us communicate now, so that we will not have to communicate later at a higher price.
The point I am making here, which we must not miss is that every couple in marriage must give highest priority to communication in their marriage if they must live together happily ever after. Let us now consider the factors of effective communication in marriage.
Factors in effective communication
- Impatience
- Communication gap
- Gender biases
- Poor listening ability
- Deceptive mind set
- Assumption mode
We will consider these in details next week.
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