In probing into the issue of sex starved marriage, I decided to look at the contributions of husbands and wives, and I realised that wives will have to do more for sexual fulfilment to take place in the marriage setting. Why is this so? This is due to the fact that, in most cases, it’s the husband who complains of inadequate sex. If you call a couple, and ask them about their sex life, the response in the negative, is usually from the husband. For instance, I asked a couple recently when last did they have sex in this year, and the husband’s response was that it was early January, and that his wife did not have time for sex, except whenever she was horny. To him, like most husbands, the wives hold the ace with respect to marital sex. So, one can safely conclude that if a marriage is sex starved, the wife is the culprit.
Nature makes it easier for males to have sex than the females:
Like often stated, a man can have sex at anytime. That is, he is ever ready for sex. That is why his sex take off is likened to that of the helicopter’s take off. But, for a female, her response to sex is like the take off of an aeroplane, that has to taxi and taxi before taking off. The wife requires preparation before she can respond appropriately for sex. Thus, when she is not ready due to lack of advance moves from the husband, she makes sex act inadequate in the marriage. This may eventually culminate to sex starvation, whereby the husband is ever ready, but the wife is never ready.
Sex is an emotional thing for wives, but erectional for husbands:
When the wife is not happy or emotionally drained, sex is not on her menu. Whereas, for the husband, sex is a way of relieving tension. Whether happy or not, sex goes for him. This places the wives in a situation where they are prone to turn down sexual advances from their husbands, when not happy, or emotionally drained. So, the husbands get starved, sexually.
Preparation process for sex takes time:
To make wives respond appropriately for sex, the process of sweet talking or tonguing, teasing, cuddling, gifting, among others, is time consuming. The husbands want to have sex, and have it now. So, it’s a situation of “handing over being ready, while taking over is delayed.” When a husband has not mastered the process of preparing his wife for sex, or when he wants a quickie, he feels sex starved, when his wife turns him down. It’s usually a frustrating point for husbands.
Sex starved marriage situation is like that of a childless marriage. Though it takes two to tango, and produce children, the wife is usually the first culprit. After all, she is the one that must have a protuding tommy, when pregnancy occurs. Therefore, she is the one who is required to visit doctors and other “pregnancy practitioners” severally, before the husband goes once. This also plays out in marital sex scenario. Though it takes both husband and wife to engage in sex, the body chemistry of the wife doesn’t help her to respond to sex, the same way that her husband will. So, she gets blamed for the starvation.
If it’s not true, it looks like it for the wives. After all, she’s the one who feigns malaria, headaches, body pains, stomach upsets, among others, in order to evade sex in the marriage. So, the husbands claim the wives are the ones who are usually not readily available for sex, and as a result, the marriage gets sex starved.
The solution from the wives angle requires the following:
- A constant reminder to the husbands that the differences in body make of husbands and wives place a limitation on the wives response to sexual advances. So, they must cooperate to manage the differences to achieve a great sex life. My husband and I had to come to terms with this reality before we were able to pass that phase in our marriage.
- The wives should also cooperate with the husbands in the matter of putting her in the mood for sex. They have to educate their husbands on the parts of their body that give them pleasure. Husbands need to be properly guided in this matter so that they can do the needful. Leaving it for husbands to discover will not achieve the desired result in the shortest time possible.
If wives will stop being the culprit in the matter of sex starved marriage, they need to up their game in this regard. I feel obligated to draw our attention to this in order to reduce the instances of inadequate sex in marriage and its attendant impacts on marital harmony.
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