Marriage is beautiful if you do it with the right person —Dr Adebola Adeleye

Dr Adebola Adeleye is a nurse based in the United States. In this Interview by SEGUN KASALI, she speaks about her growing up experiences, marriage, and other issues.

HOW would you describe your childhood years?

I came to the United States when I was 14 years old. It was very family-oriented for me. For the most part in Nigeria, we were in Ikotun-Egbe. At age 11, I went to boarding school at the Federal Government Girls College (FGGC), Oyo, Nigeria. For me, that was quite an experience.

Being in a boarding school in Nigeria was interesting. Of course, being away without your parents, with just you by yourself. You have no choice but to create a bond with other students. JSS 1-3 is usually the toughest, where you are serving punishment and doing everything for the seniors.  So, I was very expressive when I was there and consequently got into trouble a lot. So, I served punishment.

Tell us more about these punishments.

I feel that it is usually the little things. Maybe you question a senior who asked you to do this, and you don’t understand the rationale why you should do that. And then, you feel like you are forced to do it. You ask them questions that somebody else will not dare to ask.

How brilliant were you?

I was never that girl who had all A’s. I mean, I did get good grades, but I do not remember getting all the awards. I was an average student.

Any memorable event from FGGC that readily comes to mind?

I always remember the visiting days. That is the day people come to visit the students. It is something that the students look forward to. I loved those visiting days. I also loved the inter house sports, where other students would come from different boarding schools around Lagos and Nigeria. For me, it is more about that community.

Were you dubbed with nicknames?

I cannot tell you that (laughs). That is a top secret.

What was your childhood ambition?

As a child, I wanted to be a lawyer. I remember at age seven or so, saying I want to be a lawyer. Somehow, I got discouraged from law because many people say lawyers make their monies from lies. So, do not go into law. I think I got discouraged from that. As a matter of fact, after I finished my healthcare professional thing, I thought of going back to law school. But I think I was just tired of school already.

Leaving FGGC in Oyo for America, how tough was that?

At that time, I was just starting SS1. My Dad had the opportunity to bring us to the USA. Coming to the States was a culture shock for me. It was a big one because in Nigeria, we are used to a certain type of lifestyle, culture, and all that. When I came to the US and started high school, I remember I was in class and the teacher was talking and a student told the teacher to shut up (laughs). I froze in my chair. I was like, Did he just say that? I was like, This student is dead. But, interestingly, the teacher did not really do much — he just asked him to go to detention.

I remember going home and telling my parents that a student told a teacher to shut up, and nothing really happened. There was no major consequences compared to the way it would be if it had happened in Nigeria. The student would have been cooked (laugh).

How were you able to settle into the US system?

I think it was a few years. I had no choice but to adjust and adapt. When you are younger, it is easier to adjust. For me, my culture is still there because that was what my parents instilled in us.

Who was the disciplinarian between your parents?

My dad. I remember in Nigeria when I took a little more meat than I was supposed to have taken (laughs). Unfortunately, it was not fun because I was much disciplined for that. Now, in hindsight, I remember my dad saying I cannot believe I beat you so much like that. It is like when we came to America, we just went to the fridge and took whatever much meat as we would like to. Just take whatever you want. He was like, Well, it is a different world from Nigeria.

What were the traits you inherited from your parents?

From my dad, I took love and passion for God. That was something that came later. It was not immediate. I was not into it at all as a younger child. Now, growing up, I now appreciate my dad’s passion and his drive for God.

From my mummy, I would say I learned cooking. She would cook and cook in large quantities. Unfortunately, I do not know how to cook small quantities anymore.

At what point did you settle on your career?

When I decided not to go into law, healthcare was the way I wanted to go. I wanted to be a medical doctor, but then I was exposed to a lot of friends and families who were also trying to get into medicine and waiting for their admissions. While waiting, they were not doing any concrete job. So, I decided not to go into nursing, the reason was that I would do bachelor’s in nursing and then transfer to the medical school, so that while waiting to get into medical school, I would have a job that pays the bills.

But, when I started nursing school, I was able to meet one of my teachers whom I admired a lot. She inspired me. She did her PhD in Nursing. So, that changed my experience. Hence, I fell in love with the Nursing field. For my undergrad, I went to Bloomfield College, which is a private school in New Jersey. Life at Bloomfield was a little family. I like the connection you have with your teachers because it is a smaller class. That is where I got to meet a lot of teachers, including the one that I liked so much, who mentored me in nursing, and that changed me from even wanting to go into medicine.

How did you meet your husband?

(Laughs). I met him online. It was the days of Hi5, a little before Facebook. Interestingly, I gave myself a name when I was younger, which was Ayomikun. I woke up one day and I said I want people to be calling me Ayomikun. I never heard anyone named Ayomikun before. I was always curious about that. So, on Hi5 one time, I saw a name- Ayomikun, and that was the first time seeing such a name. So, I reached out to the person, saying you have my name and you need to pay for it. That was how we literally began. He was the one who started the conversation.

What made you give him a yes?

I think it was that support. For me, I think it is all about having someone who cheers you on. It is about, they can lead? One of the most important things is the love for God. We have a different perspective. Those were the values that I saw.

Sitting a girl of 26 years old down, what are you going to advise her considering Marriage?

Marriage is beautiful if you do it with the right person. You cannot go into it thinking I am coming with 50 per cent and another person is coming with 50 percent. You have to come in with 100 per cent, and the other too has to come in with 100 percent. That is the way it is going to work. You have to be willing to talk and communicate. Have difficult conversations. No matter how challenging it is, you have to be able to talk things out.

What can you say about the maxim “What a man can do, a woman can do better?”

(Laughs). That used to be my mindset, too. I am the one who loves to cheer women on about it. I used to believe it too. But, as I grew older, I got a better perspective on life. I will tell you a story. I remember I love to run and also love a nice and friendly competition. One day, I challenged a guy to a race. It got to a point where I took it so seriously that there is no way you are not going to beat me. I was so consumed with the notion “He must not beat me.” However, I ended up not running the race because of other things not just aligning at that time, but I was so consumed with him must not beat me. I think that process taught me a lesson about how we look at each other as men and women. That is not what life is about. At the end of the day, we all have to run our races.

ALSO READ TOP STORIES FROM NIGERIAN TRIBUNE