I look forward to day childcare won’t be women’s thing —Ivie Oronsaye

Mrs. Ivie Oronsaye is a recent law graduate from The Colleges of Law, California, and a Practice Manager at Ivycrest Attorneys, APC, Los Angeles. In this interview by SEGUN KASALI, she shares her growing-up experiences, views on women’s representation in politics, and many other issues.

What was your childhood experience like?

This is the first time I will be sharing this publicly. I was raised by a single mum. My parents separated when I was seven years old, and my mum made sure we had a good life; and today, I am a product of that. No regret. I am proud of my mum for the strength she showed that made me believe in myself, and that I can achieve anything I put my mind to.

Tell us about your mother’s single-mum experience.

It was not rosy. First of all, she had to deal with public scrutiny and discrimination, as well as stigma. This is because, back then, leaving your marriage even if you are not at fault, nobody cares. They judged women, right? So, it was not easy for her. She was ostracised but that did not deter her from taking care of her children. My Mum went through a lot but we survived.

What form did the survival take?

My mum was in Lagos before they made Abuja FCT. So, she was working in National Planning then while the marriage crumbled. What she did was to move us to Benin to stay with our grandma. That was the structure in place. We lived with our grandma for over five years. She came every Easter to visit. She tried her best to check on us as much as she could. There was a lot of letter writing. That made me love letter writing. She wrote a lot of letters, and I wrote back to her.

What did she tell you and your sister about life?

I think I saw more of life from her than being told because when a single mum raises you it tells on her outlook to life and every treatment you receive. But, one thing she told us was education is key to development and becoming a better person. And, of course, the Christian faith. Her faith in God never wavered. She was not a perfect person but I know she was always telling us about God. It was a very big factor for us.

How brilliant were you in school?

Honestly, I don’t know how I did it, but I was top five. Sometimes, I came out top in class. I was the head girl of my school, Christ Chosen Group of Schools, Benin City. I was a foundational student. When I joined the school, I was made the Time Prefect from JSS1 to SSS1. I was not expecting it. So, I was very busy with debating club and home economics because I love to cook. I was also in the science club. I went to school at a point my dad was not in my life and my mum was far away.

How tough were you as the head girl?

It all started with being a Time Prefect. At every period changed, I had to ring the bell. So, that had been a life skill. Till now, I have compartmentalised. What do I mean? When was the period for mathematics, I knew was mathematics. For English, I switched to English. I can multitask if I want to but the key for me is balance. So, from that young age, being a time prefect, handling one issue or the other, I learnt how to prioritise.

What is your ambition now?

I wanted to become an accountant because my dad was an accountant, but life had other plans for me. I applied to study at the University of Abuja but the cut-off mark was above what I got. So, I got into Environmental Education.  I did not like it at first but my mum encouraged me on it. It was a double degree—Education and Science.

Memorable experiences at the university?

Sorry. I was a church girl (laughs). I was a triangular student ─ church, library and class. This was because you see the world in one direction when you are coming from a single-parent background because my goal was to make my mum proud. I saw her pain, tears, and worries. So, I did anything that could make me the best. The only social event I partook in was to coordinate some beauty pageants in my first year and focused on fellowship thereafter. I was their Vice-President and also became Academic Secretary. Because of the diverse nature of Abuja, I learnt to relate to different tribes.

I also remember we had a cult clash at the University of Abuja and someone was killed, and that was the traumatic side for me.

Did you meet your husband while in school?

Exactly. I met him in my third year and thereafter we started dating. I think it was when I was about to graduate that my husband decided to get married. But, he said something, “If you want to go as far as you want to, I am here for you.” That statement touched me because who you marry matters a lot. They either break you or mar you, and for my kind of background, I did not want to take any chances. I owe my future generation a better life. I got married but I could not get a job. So, I started a catering business. The second year into that, Christian had to travel for his master’s programme. So, he asked me to come for his graduation in the United States. You can imagine my situation. So, it was a different experience when I came to the United States. You know the stories of the US flowing with milk and honey, but no, it was not like that. I experienced a cultural shock.

Tell us more about that.

Our mentality back home is that everything is so easy in the United States but the exchange rate hit us badly. The rent was monthly. But, we had hope. Another thing that shocked us was hurricane Sandy, and we lost everything. But, the good thing about the US system is that they rose to the occasion. They made sure we had clothes and somewhere to shelter.

What attracted you to your husband?

Nice question. At first, I was mad at my father due to my background. I felt he disappointed me. No child begged you to bring them here. So, it is your responsibility to care for them. My mum’s marriage did not work and, as a result of that, I made up my mind that the man I married would understand my position. Of course, I am ready to compromise. In fact, Christian was my very first boyfriend (laughs). I hated men initially but for the gift of the Holy Spirit. When I gave my life to Christ at 16, I learnt that you have to heal if you want to have a better life. So, I had to resolve within myself that I could move forward despite all my dad did to me. I love the fact that he was someone I could discuss with, and brainstorm with. So, those things actually endeared me to him.

Who amongst your children do you see yourself in at his/her age?

That is my daughter (laughs). Her name is Eghosa.

You recently graduated from law school. Why the course?

I travelled to America in 2012. Before then, I did hair for kids and adults while in New York but moved to Los Angeles, California thereafter. I had to figure out what I could do for myself when we got here. So, I joined the choir of the church. Whenever I am not with my kids, I am in the church. I started a fashion business which did not work. Thereafter, my husband asked me what I wanted to do. He is an Attorney and the practice already started. I was the secretary while he was the boss. I noticed whenever I am in the office I could not do much. I have been opportune to go court with him twice and I loved the way he advocates for people. Whenever he wins a case, you will see the joy on the faces of the people.

Yes, I was a stay-at-home mum for ten years but I felt something was missing. So, he said, “Go and do law. Pray about it. If you study law, you will be better for it because you will be more empowered.” And, I got a confirmation about it. I was scared because law is not easy. Thank God for my husband for being supportive. I applied and gained admission to the Colleges of Law. So, that was how my law school journey started.

What is your take on the low representation of women in the decision-making process in the polity?

I keep saying that until women are supported at the home front and marketplace, we will just keep talking. It took extra strength from three kids to say it is okay, I am going to law school. But, what helped me was that he financially supported me and then my mum could come and give me a little support in terms of childcare. But, there are women out there who are smarter than me but may not have a supporting spouse or financial support, emotional support, or moral support to study law. So, we have to support women at every level. Also, I look forward to the day child care will not just be a woman thing. That is why I said women need support at home front and market place. The government should create opportunities for women. They are very smart people. Whenever you create a sustainable environment for women, they will shine and do better.

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