WHEN the wife has become the breadwinner in a marriage, paying virtually all the bills, the principle of love and respect will naturally become a herculean task for the couple. That is to say, the wife will find it difficult to submit to the husband as the head of the marriage, while the husband will also not be able to give all his love to the wife.
The truth is that both husband and wife don’t have to behave like this deliberately. Rather, it is something that happens automatically. I mean they don’t have to sit down to plan to disrespect or not to love. It just plays out naturally on both sides. As the wife takes over the financial responsibility of the marriage, she begins to act as the leader, because financial responsibility automatically throws leading roles on her.
For instance, it becomes no longer absolutely necessary for her to consult her husband on what to spend on, or how to spend the money. This is a natural phenomenon that plays out, since he who pays the piper, dictates the tune. It enters into the subconscious mind of the wife, and she begins to act out the leading roles unintentionally.
When this happens, the husband also unconsciously begins to feel intimidated, and gradually sees no need to love wholeheartedly, a wife who no longer respect him. As far as the husband is concerned, the leading roles his wife now plays is an act of disrespect towards his person. He does not interprete it as a result of his own failure in fulfilling his financial responsibility in the marriage.
Given this scenario, the couple begins to draw apart, with the husband feeling being disrespected, while the wife also feels unloved. In fact, the wife in this situation feels that her husband is being an ingrate since she pays the bills, and all she gets in return is a cold shoulder of unloved attitude from the husband. So, the feelings of “my wife no longer respect me” and “ my husband no longer loves me “ come into the centre stage of the marriage.
Bearing in mind the fact that love and respect are the greatest needs of the wife and the husband respectively, the couple becomes unfulfilled in the marriage, and with time, the two of them begin to seek a way to meet the needs for love and respect. This search can lead to either extramarital affairs or a divorce.
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But what is the solution to this situation? Both husband and wife must come to terms with the fact that their financial situation is an abnormal one that needs to be normalized as soon as possible. As long as the wife pays the bills, she will subconsciously lead in certain ways. So, the husband must do all legitimately to be able to fulfil his financial obligations in the home.
But in the interim, the couple will have to learn to manage their feelings and emotions about each other. They have to restrain themselves from overreacting on issues between them. The wife especially must be deliberate in her respective manner towards the husband. Maturity must become the overall player in a marriage experiencing this financial situation. They have to be matured to manage third parties who will naturally meddle in their affairs through unsolicited comments and counsel.
My book, ENJOYING GREAT SEXLIFE, is a good manual to help preserve the marriage institution. You can call me on 08112658560 for copies.
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