Emotional intelligence (I)

The engine that keeps life going is relationships. As human beings we need relationships to survive and thrive so we need to master the art of relationships if we are to maximize our potential. When we master and maximize the art of relationships we will be equipped to have better quality relationships which will in turn improve the quality of our lives. Also mastering and maximizing the art of relationships will make us assets to others we are in relationship with.

We are emotional beings and our emotions play a very critical role in our lives and relationships. We must learn how to utilize emotions to our advantage and not allow them to cripple our lives and hinder our relationships and this where emotional intelligence becomes relevant.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to guide our thinking and behaviour through recognizing, understanding and evaluating our emotions and those of others.

“Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy, information, connection, and influence.” Robert K. Cooper, PhD

“We define emotional intelligence as the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.” Salovey and Mayer

Emotional Intelligence is an indispensable tool we need to utilize if we are to have effective human relations.

“Some people think only intellect counts: knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize it. But the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion, and empathy.” Dean Koontz

There are many components to emotional intelligence but we will just look at a couple of them. These components demand acquiring the necessary skills. Skills are abilities acquired through knowledge, practice and aptitude.

Interpersonal skills or people skills are emotional intelligence skills we need to use for effective relations with people individually and corporately. These skills are also called social skills, soft skills or life skills.

“The ability to communicate and connect with others at work will make you happier.  It will help you build a sense of community and gain the support of others when you need it.  The origin of all effective relationships resides within ourselves.  It begins with our ability to value others and use the interpersonal skills needed to demonstrate that. When you manage or lead other people, it is especially critical to gain the Interpersonal Leadership Skills you need. The ability to demonstrate effective interpersonal skills at work is a consistent process.  Or as Teddy Roosevelt said:  «The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.” Susan Cullen

 

TO BE CONTINUED

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Part 2

Last time we began looking at the vital importance emotions play  in our lives and in our relationships. We saw that we are emotional beings and our emotions play a very critical role in our lives and relationships. We must learn how to utilize emotions to our advantage and not allow them to cripple our lives and hinder our relationships and this is where emotional intelligence becomes relevant. Emotional intelligence is the ability to guide our thinking and behaviour through recognizing, understanding and evaluating our emotions and those of others.

Interpersonal or people skills are a major compoeet of emotional intelligence.

Lack of the interpersonal skills is a major reason why people get into relationship crisis whether in marriage, business, family etc.

Interpersonal skills involve, among other skills, the following.

1. Verbal communication. Verbal communication is a critical success factor in life. We must not just know how to communicate verbally but we must also know how to communicate confidently and effectively.
2. Non verbal communication. Many times it is not what is being said but how it is being said that makes all the difference. Non verbal communication involves gesticulation, eye contact, posture, facial expressions etc. Ineffective communication always results in misunderstanding, misrepresentation, arguments, shouting, interpersonal conflicts etc.
3. Listening skills. If we are going to be emotionally intelligent and have qualitative relationships we must acquire listening skills.
4. Problem solving. Problems are an integral part of life and if we will have meaningful relationships we need to know how to solve problems.
5. Negotiation and persuasion skills.
6. Decision making

Empathy is another component of Emotional Intelligence we will look at.

Empathy is the ability to recognize, understand and be sensitive to the feelings of another person. Empathy is understanding what others feel, seeing things from their point of view and imaging ourselves in their shoes.

If we will have effective relationships we need to be empathetic.

Benefits of empathy:

1) People will like and trust us.

2. It will promote and enhance harmony, understanding and good relationships in the group.

3) It will elicit and promote trust.

4) It will increase our influence.

5) It will make us assets in relationships.

“Empathy is one of the most important skills you can practice in life. It is crucial for our personal development, relationships and society as a whole.  We need empathy in order to form harmonious relationships, minimize stress and enhance emotional intelligence.”Norbert Juma

TO BE CONTINUED

FOR ENQUIRIES AND COMMENTS PLEASE SEND EMAIL TO charismokola @yahoo.com

 

 

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Part 3

We have been looking at the ways emotions affect our lives and relationships. Last time we saw the need to be empathetic. Empathy is understanding what others feel, seeing things from their point of view and imaging ourselves in their shoes.

Benefits of empathy:

1) People will like and trust us.

2. It will promote and enhance harmony, understanding and good relationships in the group.

3) It will elicit and promote trust.

4) It will increase our influence.

5) It will make us assets in relationships.

Bible verses on empathy.

1. “As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.. For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.” Psalms 103:12-14.
2. “For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning.” Hebrews 4:15.
3. “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:1-2.
4. “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.” Romans 12:15.

Signs of lack of empathy

1) Undue criticism.

2) Insensitivity to other people’s feelings and situation.

3) Argumentative and inability to admit wrong.

4) Frequent broken relationships.

5) Making judgment without hearing all the sides.

How to develop empathy

Empathy can be developed.

13. Avoid being judgmental or judging before hearing the other side. “He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” Proverbs 18:13.
14. Get out of your comfort zone – talk to new people (put yourself in their shoes – new environment, new people, unfamiliar terrain).

iii. Deal with your biases and be open minded.

1. Study about people who are not like you.
2. Confess love scriptures.
3. Always put yourself in other people’s shoes.

“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far. “Daniel Goleman

CONCLUDED.

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