The perfection syndrome makes some leaders become paranoid. It is usual for such leaders to personalize and internalize failure. They are constantly in the grind of achievement overdrive which, very often, ultimately takes a toll on their health. Consequently, any thought about the possibility of failure or loss makes them uncomfortable and any event that feels like failure is seen as a costly setback. Ancillary to this is the fear of success. There is a thin line between the two.
We are all too familiar with the fear of failure. But we would find it absurd to consider the possibility of the fear of success. Yet many leaders constantly struggle with it, sometimes without even being aware of it.
Everyone aspires to succeed. However, when push comes to shove, there is an internal grasshopper programming that makes many a leader believe that they are undeserving of success or the enjoyment of its proceeds. This fear of success comes with an inbuilt phobia for any form of gratification even when we have worked hard to earn it. The fear of failure or success is rooted in warped self-esteem issues that very often can be traced back to our childhood days. I know someone who never wants to lose an argument because for him to concede victory to another is seen as a sign of weakness. So, even when his point of view is evidently off the mark, considering the preponderance of evidence in that regard, he tenaciously holds on to his view and, as if to ram it down everyone’s throat, begins to speak at the top of his voice. When I took him up on the matter on one occasion, he admitted that while he was growing up, he was a victim of bullies in school and so had to learn the art of survival. In the process of learning to stand up for himself, he unwittingly became a verbal bully!
In their growing years, children are usually naïve, bold and adventurous. They express themselves freely and without qualms. Until adults begin to curtail their liberty by making them feel inferior and literally conforming them to the mould of adults. In many cases, when children grow up in what seems to be a socio-economically disadvantaged environment, there is always a tendency for them to feel inferior to children who seem to come from more privileged backgrounds. The problem with comparisons however is that when we are pitched with those we consider superior to us, we feel a sense of gross inadequacy.
Conversely, when we match ourselves with people that we believe are inferior to us, we have the tendency to develop a sense of false pride. When I was in Secondary school, I remember the jeers by a few of my classmates who did not see why I should perform so brilliantly especially since I never seemed to observe the laborious study schedule many of them followed around examinations time. It is funny and sounds incredible that mediocre would make an intelligent person seem uncomfortable but it does happen. In time, I began to feel guilty, apologetic and underserving of my level of success. Automatically, that made my performance level drop because I did not want to feel uncomfortable around my friends; until I realized that they only wanted me in their league, not because it was wrong to be brilliant but because my performance made them very uncomfortable! When I discovered that, it was easy to regain my winning streak! What many of them did not realize at that time was that even though I hardly took notes in class, I was an avid reader who read an average of two to three books in the well-stocked library every week! So, even at examination time, I was never under pressure to study!
When a child grows up in the midst of people with Lilliputian minds who are envious of his progress and actually cannot hide their disdain, he tends to feel guilty when he is succeeding. Very often, because he does not want to be seen to take credit for all the hard work that he has put in, he ascribes everything happening to him on the positive side to luck or mere happenstance! Mediocre minds can hardly tell the difference between confidence and pride!
Whether you like it or not, the elephant of fear will always be in the leader’s room. It has nothing to do with your level of competence or lack of it. The real issue is, how do you plan to deal with it?
Do you feel uncomfortable with being appreciated? Conversely, do you feel bad when criticized, even when there seems to be good reason for the criticism? To overcome the fear of success or failure, a leader must feel very comfortable when he is praised for work well done and at the same time feel comfortable with criticism from detractors, especially for the same achievement for which some people praised him!
No matter what fear confronts you, begin by asking yourself, “What is the worst possible outcome if the scenario that created the fear persists?” Brace up for that outcome and proactively plot a way out in anticipation of that outcome as you tell yourself, “This too shall pass and I will still be standing!”
Accept yourself for who you are because you are the only authentic you in circulation. What this should translate to is a willingness to consistently function in the area of your competence while being comfortable with letting others with competences that you lack do the things you cannot. Be comfortable with being right as you are with being wrong. You are not omniscient and so you cannot know all things. Your success is not tied to always being right or never making mistakes. Never be under the illusion that you are infallible. When you give your followers the impression that you are infallible, they become unforgiving of your foibles. Make humour an essential part of your life and learn to laugh at yourself sometimes. After all, you are still human.
Furthermore, learn the lessons from any failure and use them to advantage without feeling a sense of loss. In the same vein, savour your moments of success. Celebrate and reward yourself when you record any success without feeling that you are unworthy of it. God created you with the success software and so, achievement is nothing to be ashamed of!
Be willing to sign on for new things and ventures with a readiness to endure the taunts of those who think that they have mastered what you are just engaging in as well as the jeers of those who think you are stupid for trying to blaze trails by swimming in uncharted waters.
Finally, live every day with a sense of gratitude that focusses more on what you have than on what you lack! An attitude of gratitude will chase out the elephant of fear faster than any other strategy can!
Remember, the sky is not your limit, God is!
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