ONE of the issues in marriage is sexual satisfaction. A lot of married people have been found guilty of infidelity as a result of lack of sexual satisfaction. This cuts across both genders. It’s also a point of complaint by wives who see their husbands as being selfish in the act of sex. To such, a husband is tagged “use and dump”, in the matter of sex. This is because their experience is that the husbands only use them to satisfy their sexual desire.
Some husbands also complain about the same concerning their wives. This is attributed to the fact that their wives only want to have sex when they feel like, irrespective of the mood of the husbands. To such husbands, sex is procured on the altar of the mercy of their wives. That is why, according to the husbands after this order of sex at the mercy of wives, “I am tired, please leave me alone”, is a normal response to sex, from their wives. Some of the husbands do confess that at times, they resort to committing “rape” against their wives. After all, “body no be wood”. When nature calls, they have no choice than to obey.
This piece was provoked by this save our soul, (S.O.S) call:
“Kindly hide my identity. My husband always demands for blowjob which I always give to him but he never for once reciprocate. I told him that if he can’t give me a head then no more blow job for him. What he said break my heart he said “Then I should be ready to loose my marriage to a more serious lady”.
Please what should I do? I don’t want to continue giving to his needs without being satisfied as well. Our marriage is 5 months old and his demands started as soon as we got married. Mind you he never for once gives me a head. Thank you”
Issues arising from the above:
* Married couples need to understand that mutual satisfaction should be the heart of their sex life. Every couple must work towards satisfying each other sexually. When this is understood and embraced, sexual friction in marriage will be an exception rather than the rule. It’s a known saying in my place that a hungry dog does not play with a well fed one. I think this fits in here. How can I be happy with you when I am not satisfied, while you are basking in the joy of satisfaction, in the act of sex? It’s like having someone’s hope dashed, or someone’s expectation being cut short. It’s like going to the bank on payday, only to discover that one’s name is erroneously omitted in the pay roll!
* The only time sexual satisfaction is not mutually expected is in prostitution. It’s for monetary consideration. Whether one is satisfied or not is irrelevant, and not mandatory. The prostitute cannot complain that she is not being satisfied. In this situation, the man is the only one who can complain. But, in marriage, it’s a different ball game altogether. Satisfaction must be mutual if sex must flow freely and frequently.
* Sexual styles must be targeted towards the mutual satisfaction of a couple. You cannot be forcing your spouse to engage in sex with you, using a particular style(s), if it will not be mutually satisfying. This will be a resonating hiccup. This is what is about playing out in the above referenced quote. Couples must work together for their being mutually satisfied in bed. Sex styles should culminate in mutual satisfaction of each couple, most of the time.
* A lot of couples don’t understand the nitty gritty of the act of sex. Thus, they cannot be optimal in performance. I am doing this sex enlightenment today because of what my husband and I experienced in the early years of our marriage. We did not have adequate information about sex, and as such we suffered on both sides for so long, until we realised that we ought to learn more about sex. I know this is the major problem in marriage. When you lack knowledge about how to engage in sex for mutual satisfaction, you will always have issues like we have highlighted here. Couples must therefore strive to achieve mutual sexual satisfaction in the marriage, in order to save ourselves from avoidable stress.
Skills for mutual sexual satisfaction in marriage
The following are some of the skills that make for mutual sexual satisfaction. However, let me state here that the issue of mutual sexual satisfaction involves a lot of things that cannot be captured in one write up like this. What I am doing is just like tips for couples to work with.
- Understanding that act of sex is simply more than rising and sinking
Both partners must understand this fact that sex is beyond in and out of the two main sex organs. Many couples don’t know beyond that simple approach to sex. Thus, they only derive pleasure of procreation from sex. Mutual sexual satisfaction demands this knowledge from the partners.
- Recognition of the difference in the body makeup of man and woman.
This difference is what makes for the sexual responses of a man and a woman. A healthy man responds instantly to sexual prompting with erection. A woman on the other hand takes time to respond to sexual prompting. That’s why a man is likened to a helicopter which doesn’t need to taxi before taking off, while a woman is likened to an aeroplane, needing time to taxi before taking off for its flight. Thus, for a man, sex is an “any day, and any time” thing. No special preparation to have sexual intercourse: merely seeing the naked parts of a female is enough for him to get aroused. A woman however needs time to prepare her for a good sexual intercourse. She needs time to be sexually aroused. The beauty of sex is lost when the fulfillment is not mutual.
- Participation in the act of sex must be mutual.
You cannot make your sexual satisfaction mutual if you are passive in bed. As he is touching you in the inners, you are also pulling his beard and mustache, or doing something with any part of his body. You cannot be lying down like a log of wood, and expect mutual sexual satisfaction to play out. Be an active participant in the act of sex, and not a passive one. It’s only then that you can have mutual satisfaction in the very act.
- Knowledge of the sex channels of each other.
These are multiple pleasure points on the body of each other. It is where you can fan the flame of fire in the act of sex. It determines the kinds of responses and how quickly each response will come. Whether moaning, or body tremors or verbal expressions, the channels are the turning points to search out. When each of you knows these points, your mutual sexual satisfaction is guaranteed.
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- Knowledge of sexual positions or styles.
Couples who want to mutually enjoy sex must do more than just the traditional missionary style of man on top, woman under. Knowledge of different styles in bed enhances mutual satisfaction. I have written much on this in this column. You can get it from previous articles.
These are some of the skills for mutual sexual satisfaction.
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The PDP spokesman recalled how the opposition party had on various occasions alerted that the APC government had ceded sovereignty over a large portion of our country to terrorists, “many of whom were imported into our country by the APC.”
He further stated: “From the video, in a brazen manner, terrorists as non-state actors boldly showed their faces, boasting, admitting and confirming their participation in the Kuje Prison break, some of whom were former prison inmates who were either jailed or awaiting trial for their previous terrorism act against our country.
“Nigerians can equally recall the confession by the Governor of Kaduna State, Mallam Nasir el-Rufai that the APC government knows the plans and whereabouts of the terrorists but failed to act.
According to Ologunagba, about 18,000 Nigerians have been killed by terrorists between 2020 and 2022 “as the criminals continue to be emboldened by the failures and obvious complicity of the APC and to which the PDP had always drawn attention.”
“This is not politics; this is about humanity and leadership, which leadership sadly and unfortunately is missing in our country at this time,” he said.
The PDP added that it is appalled by “the lame response by the apparently helpless, clueless and deflated Buhari Presidency, wherein it told an agonizing nation that President Buhari “has done all and even more than what was expected of him as Commander in Chief by way of morale, material and equipment support to the military…”
“This is a direct admission of incapacity and failure by the Buhari Presidency and the APC. At such a time, in other climes, the President directly leads the charge and takes drastic measures to rescue and protect his citizens.
“In time of adversity, the President transmutes into Consoler-in-Chief to give hope and succour to the citizens. Painfully, Nigeria does not have a President who cares and can stand as Consoler-in-Chief to the citizens.
“It has now become very imperative for Nigerians to take note and realize that the only solution to this unfortunate situation is to hold the APC government accountable. We must come together as a people, irrespective of our political, ethnic and religious affiliations to resist the fascist-leaning tendencies of the APC administration.
Ologunagba called for an urgent meeting of the National Council of State to advise on the way to go over the nation’s worsening insecurity.
“Our nation must not fall. The resilient Nigerian spirit and ‘can-do- attitude’ must be rekindled by all to prevail on the President to immediately and without further delay, accede to the demand by the PDP and other well-meaning Nigerians to convene a special session of the National Council of State to find a lasting solution since the President has, in his own admission, come to his wit’s end,” the PDP spokesman declared.
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