The Irish-born British management educator and writer, Charles Handy, once said: “If there is one general law of communication, it is that we never communicate as effectively as we think we do.” On this premise, one could comfortably argue that the spoken word is not enough to convey all the thoughts and desires of people. Non-verbal communication means, therefore, becomes imperative in this regard.
Non-verbal communication and sign languages are powerful tools not only in marriage, but also in all other aspects of human endeavour. Most people do not usually know how to read meaning into them.
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Some people are shy or naive to talk about what they want. This makes them to make resort to the use of signs which, if not understood by their partners, could gradually lead to a broken relationship. The thing about people, especially woman, is that they would find a way to tell you what they want. On some occasions, they find it difficult to let it come out of their mouth. However, they would find other ways to communicate their thoughts and desires.
It is a fact that action speaks louder than word. The British neurologist and writer, Oliver Sacks, said, “Sign language is the equal of speech, lending itself equally to the rigorous and the poetic, to philosophical analysis or to making love.”
As long as one of the partners in marriage is not getting what he or she wants, or is not satisfied, he or she will not be happy. This may lead to an unhealthy marriage. Most men get irritated because their wives could not say what they really want. However, unknowingly to them, they express themselves at every given opportunity through signs. Most women leave clues around their men, expecting them to make sense of them. On the other hand, most men are quite insensitive to the signals that their partners are sending when they are trying to express themselves.
Some women leave clues with the kinds of songs they sing, some through the types of dresses they wear, and others through makeup. When a woman is not happy and is not ready to tell her man the reasons for her distress, he should be able to read meaning every of her actions at that moment, because that is where the answer lies. All these signs are common Non-verbal means used by most women to gain the attention of their men. A woman might decide to sing a love song, repeating a part of the song that she thinks might arouse something in her man. When this happens continuously, a sensitive man should be able to make sense out of what is happening and should also be able to decode the message she is trying to send across.
The most popular Non-verbal means women use to pass their messages across is their dressing. When a woman wears a sexy dress, she is trying to send a message. She wants her partner to give her attention. Some women send signals via movies. It is a creative way women use in communicating their thoughts. Most times, when a woman wants to tell her partner what she want from him in bed, she would get a movie that focuses on that and make sure he is around when she is watching the movie. While watching the part of the movie she thinks she wants him to see, she would make some comments in order to elicit a feeling in him. Some women may not be interested in movies. They would tell a story and ask for their partners’ opinions about it.
Some other women would prefer to buy a magazine, though it might not be for her readership, for her partner. She would open a page where she wants her partner to get her message and leave it where it would catch his attention. Such a woman does not need her man to read everything in the magazine. She only needs him to sight or read a particular page that would catch his attention. Some women tell their men what they want through the food they prepare for them. Some other women wear makeup to catch the attention of their lovers.
Signs are crucial to a successful marriage, and communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Communication does not necessarily have to be a verbal one. It could be through signs, attitudes, actions, etc. There should be a frequent flow of communication in marriages and relationships.
Whenever a woman is uncomfortable or expressing a certain emotion, her partner should be able to ask what she wants or, better still, surprise her by giving her what he thinks she is lacking. Since a married woman is not free to do whatever she likes, unlike most single ladies, she expects the man that has restricted her freedom to satisfy her in the marriage or relationship.
Men do pass messages across to their partners through Non-verbal communication as well. However, it is more common among women. Perhaps, the commonest sign men use is silence or facial contortion. When there is continuous silence on a particular issue, a sensitive woman should know that her husband is trying to tell her what he does or does not want. Both men and women should be sensitive in their relationships or marriages. They should be attentive whenever each partner speaks through verbal and Non-verbal means.
French statesman and diplomat, Charles Maurice de Talleyrand (1754 – 1838), said, “Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts.” It is obvious that, these days, many spouses and people in relationships say much without meaning much. To a great extent, what they actually mean is in their body language, in the expressions on their faces, and other Non-verbal means, which when probably deciphered, could make a relationship or marriage worthwhile.
Comfort Oyedokun is an intern with the Nigerian Tribune.
