Why new couples who marry as virgins musn’t turn to porn for sex education —Experts

The story was told of a new couple who didn’t know what was expected of them after their nuptial night, and a friend of the young couple handed them a porn video to learn all there is to s3xual intercourse.

“They both married as virgins and when my wife asked them how things went, the man opened up, saying it all felt strange. I remembered that in the olden days, the man was taken aside and tutored by the father. In some cultures, what is taught in the fattening room includes s3x education,” Mr Ade Hammed retorted.

But the new couple for whom Mr. Hammed intervened in their case is an exception. Globally, many young people see pornography as  “an important source of information for learning about s3x’. It is shaping their ideas about pleasure, power, and intimacy.

Pornography, porn, is a subtype of sexually explicit material (SEM) produced primarily for generating s3xual pleasure or arousal. Although commonly understood as explicit material with the intention of increasing sexual pleasure, a quick look through history shows how wide the definitions of porn actually are.

Indeed, today, porn comes from a variety of producers, from commercially funded by large corporate houses to amateur films and personal home-made mobile phone videos.

It is no surprise then that increasing proportions of young people cite the internet and s3xually explicit websites as their main source of information on sexual practices, an opportunity to see s3x performed by real people, and a guide for knowing what to do s3xually.

Where people turn for sex education

Reports differ as to how teenagers get information on sexual practices. In 2016, a study at the University of Lagos reported that tendencies to use the internet as a source of s3x education were more prevalent among the examined adolescents (75%), and 58% had regular access to the internet mostly on their cell phones.

Also, peer pressure, availability of information from parents and teachers, ease of internet access, and satisfaction from online-sourced information on s3x played a major role in motivating adolescents to seek s3x information through the internet.

The study, in the Journal of Biology, Agriculture, and Healthcare, looked at their source of s3xuality education and how this influences their s3xual behaviours.  The internet’s appeal is based on its ease of use and its perceived anonymity regarding sensitive topics, away from the scrutinising eyes of adults.

In 2022, a survey among 3780 first-year university students registered across the seven faculties of Rivers State University in Port Harcourt, Nigeria, found that the most common sources of first-s3x education are school (54.6%), family (21.6%), social media (9.5%), and others like television (7.6%) and books or magazines (4.9%). It was in the Journal of Environment Public Health.

Pornography is an acted-out script

Professor Imran Morhason-Bello, a consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist at the University College Hospital, Ibadan, said in reaction to the finding that porn is the commonest means young people claim they learn about s3x activity from aside sexually explicit movies, messages, and cartoons.

“In a study that we did, we asked young people about how they learn about different types of sexual activity, both penetrative and non-penetrative s3xual activity, the majority of them said that they learned about this s3xual activity through watching pornography,” he declared.

But he stated that studies also show that young people sometimes misconstrue the intention behind pornography because “they see it as a real-life thing,” whereas people engaging in pornography are acting it out for business purposes.

“Their misconception often drives their interpretation; that’s why they want to go and experiment with it in a real-life situation when they are involved in a romantic relationship,” he said.

Again, many of them look at the time intervals that this movie lasts and wonder whether they will be able to endure that type of energy and perseverance to pass through, not knowing that sometimes porn is shot in clips that are now merged together.

Professor Morhason-Bello declared: “That is why when some of them try it and feel they cannot achieve it, they either use Viagra, alcohol, or other drugs that can potentiate sexual activity.

“Also, those who want to engage in anal s3x will not know that the anal verge is so tight and that a lot of people engage in it for whatever reason or with respect to pornography use some precautionary measures like the use of lubricants. That is why some of them could get traumatised, injured, or even sometimes lead to serious injuries that may require surgical intervention.”

Moreover, Professor Morhason-Bello stated that oftentimes, when young people engage in it, porn can disrupt their sexual health.

Pornography is indicative of mental health status

Professor Alfred Adegoke, a counselling psychologist at the University of Ilorin, said the change in s3xual patterns of younger people, including their involvement in pornography, could also be indicative of their mental health status.

“A lot of these students are cohabiting; you need to know the s3xual activity that goes on among university students. It is unbelievable,” he added.

Dr Taiwo Alatise, a lecturer and psychiatrist at the Ladoke Akintola University of Technology Teaching Hospital, refuted the belief that porn is a form of s3xual education, saying that while it is usually scripted and acted out, indulging in it over time is addictive.

“Going to porn to learn about s3xual activity will come with a failed expectation because, in reality, they wouldn’t be able to live up to what they see in porn, and when it becomes addictive, they wouldn’t be able to live without it even when it affects their daily functioning and relationships,” he added.

Comprehensive se3xuality education is missing

Mrs Oluyemi Oyeyemi, a health educator with Vision Spring, a non-governmental organisation working in Oyo State, said what young people need is a comprehensive s3xuality education to help them better understand their bodies, rather than pornography or information they read on the internet or social media sites.

“Most of them have wrong information about their reproductive health, including their s3xuality. But a comprehensive s3xuality education will help them understand their bodies and correct misconceptions like “s3x is an antidote to menstrual pain.”

“Most young people turn to pornography because parents are also not giving s3x education that is age-relevant. Religion and cultural values also inhibit people from talking about s3xual intercourse, treating it as an abomination. So, many young ones turn to different things, including pornography, to get answers to their questions.”

Similarly, the proprietor of His Kingdom Schools in Ibadan, Mrs Olufunmilayo Beyioku, said parents need to focus more on the s3xuality education of their children and wards, particularly with the increased access of many young people to smartphones and the internet

Parental conversations on sexuality are missing

Mrs Beyioku noted that decades ago, no parent discussed s3xuality, even when young people were about to marry.

She said that young people who turn to pornography, because they are curious about s3x, could end up with the wrong expectations and have difficulty getting satisfied with normal sexual relationships with their partners, when married.

“Those already addicted to pornography need help; newly married ones don’t need to learn how to have s3x while watching pornography. Nobody teaches anyone how s3x is done; human nature will do the right thing,” Mrs Bayioku declared.

Moreover, the Executive Director of PLAN Foundation, Mr Obatunde Oladapo, noted that the confusion between s3xual acts and people’s s3xuality is the reason some people turn to pornography as a how-to guide and to resolve doubts they may have about sexuality.

The consequences of having s3x are not in pornography

S3xuality education is ensuring the knowledge required to have a healthy, normal, and beneficial relationship with others in terms of their sexuality. It includes discussions of anatomy, birth control, disease prevention, negotiation skills, abstinence, and healthy relationships. It also talks about how to control their s3xual urge.

“This is not what is learned in pornography; it is even the wrong place to learn about sexual intercourse, as you will end up learning wrong things. The consequences of having s3x are not pornography, like unwanted pregnancies, unsafe abortions, and s3xually transmitted infections. Some also act it out under the influence of drugs.

“S3xual intercourse is something that comes naturally; it is not something that you need to consult a teacher about or learn about watching pornography. Pornography is a make-believe; it is not normal s3x; it also heightens people’s expectations of how they should perform in bed. So it is not the right thing for young people who are curious about s3x.”

Mr Oladapo contends that young people need to know that s3xual intercourse is just one aspect of the relationship between two people, and relationships extend to other things like connections, work, family, and society.

However, he faulted how s3xuality education and life planning education are implemented across Nigeria, saying they have exempted many schools, and in schools where this is taught, it leaves many questions in the hearts of young people unanswered.

Hence, it is essential that programmes be modified and that the content that has traditionally formed part of s3x education is updated. In light of the digital influence, it is urgently required to include aspects of affectivity, interpersonal relationships, and empowerment.

It is therefore important to understand young people’s knowledge and attitudes, as well as the relationship between s3xual practices and the sources used to obtain s3x education, to reduce the consequences of unsafe s3xual practices and gender inequalities.

ALSO READ: Gunmen abduct Channels TV reporter in Rivers