That UBA “wahala” ad

IN my home, we all bank with United Bank of Africa. Despite our passable misgivings, we consider the brand bankable. Building brands is not a task for the feeble-minded. Things could just simply go wrong with something considered insignificant and bring a whole lot, careening down. Because we don’t get told the whole story in the banking sector, especially with a deep-insider as the golden-boy of the chief-regulating Central Bank, it would be foolish for an outsider, to knowingly clip his molar on Ogun’s (god of iron) instrument, bearing witness on any bank’s credibility. But I assume UBA ranks fairly well, with the banking public.

The current mad-dash for street credibility among banks, is at a crescendo. After leaving the corporate world a near empty shell, with conniving CEOs, banks are now doing the street vibes even better than Olamide, the self-acknowledged lecturer of the “special science students.” In fact, today, he is the toast of the banking and corporate arena, with spent CEOs, totally out of survival depth, now reveling in striking genuflecting photo ops with him while signing the street dude, to multi-million naira endorsement deals. You are likely to see them grinning sheepishly.

No, there is nothing grievous about Olamide’s runaway boardroom success on the street. For one, he isn’t your omo rapala kind of brand, though he tries to form igboro (street toughie). Whatever one might say of him, he is educated enough to earn those endorsement on the merit of western education. He also, has a cult following and I must add, nearly everywhere. Was he not the main attraction the day Candidate Muhammadu Buhari campaigned in Lagos, which is also the last day, the president stepped on the soil holding the largest number of votes in the country. A presidential visit is however certainly in the offing. At least, the president as candidate for 2019 presidential poll, would visit for vote solicitation, before likely shutting out again for another four years, if he wins.

The cross-over appeal is also there. Two domestic staff in my Lagos abode, literally worship him or more like his voice on vinyl. Apart from having his songs as ringtone, the downloaded songs, recorded on their phones are endlessly played to my amusing discomfort. Then they engage in endless argument over him, including what they know absolutely nothing about. Which CEO would not want such an X-generation god, as brand ambassador, considering that the CEOs strutting the banking halls, are now all Giorgio Armani suit, brilliant suitcases and barely-existing business acumen. They are better with cutting corners, insider abuses and lavishing depositors’ fund on their indulgences.

But hasn’t business been good, using the “ugly” to promote “the beautiful”? The world, all generations inclusive, is getting monstrous. In fact, the ugly is now beautiful, for a world that is bent on destroying itself. Until you present your beauty as ugly, the world won’t buy it. I remember an adopted kid sister around me years back, who was always dreaming of being bedded by two “handsome” thespians; Saint Obi and Segun Arinze. When her obsession became very irritating, I had to ask her a particular day, why the duo and not Ramsey Noah, the Nollywood sweetheart. She shocked me with, “Noah is too beautifully handsome. Obi and Arinze are ugly in their comeliness and that is my type of men”. I nearly fainted. Is Arinze not the same person that comedian AY always uses in completing his cliche of “the good, the bad and the Arinzes”?

Her boyfriend then, was a shade “greater” than Arinze. He would pass for “the bad” before “the Arinzes” in AY’s comparative chronology.

I guess it is in the spirit of giving the world what it drools over that got UBA starting its new campaign on IT-driven banking with “Omo wahala dey.” Until last Thursday, my consciousness never caught the background song in the branches I have done business in Abuja and Lagos. Maybe, because I detest banks, the same way, I do, hospitals. Easy to lodge, difficult to retrieve; is my sustained mentality of banking and anytime, the funny characters in suit and tie begin the paper abracadabra, I usually remind them that it is a regret not retaining my original idea of making my pillow, my bank. At least, it will require same effort, to lodge and retrieve, which is as easy as getting robo (groundnut delicacy) to disappear in your mouth.

But as I sat with the customer relations manager at the Ikosi branch this fateful day, the first line of the song sank. For the sake of everything holy, how can you want to introduce a new product to me and start with “omo wahala dey”. What kind of omo rapala (obscenity) pitch is that? Yes, I know of the efforts by the growing community of global elite who want to take us far away from God. In many public places, including in Nigeria, there is official taboo to mentioning God or trying to preach the gospel. They will tell you it assaults the sensibilities of atheists, the godless, satanists, traditionalists, et al, to talk about what they don’t believe in, or the God they don’t believe exist. The tragic news, is that they are succeeding even with many Christians who now help their message, with “we must be sensitive”

But on such “sensitive” platforms, debauchery is lavishly promoted to the joy and amusement of the supposed children of God, I mean, of all faiths.

I have no problem with being sensitive to the feeling of others. Infact, that shared respect, forms the basis of genial humanity. There should be no compulsion in faith. At the end of the race, it is an individual thing.

That also makes it compelling for UBA and other brands who are escaping the boardroom to the street, not to roam completely without any semblance of a leash. Except customers and depositors like us, don’t matter, such brands can’t go all out, selling the worst of the street to every soul, including those who wish to enter the banking hall in the morning and have a better wish from their bankers, instead of the prophetic “wahala” (trouble) message.

Without doubt, professional, economic and commercial reasons would not be in short supply for UBA’s kind of welcome, but apart from offending sensibilities, such lines could be re-worded for even greater effects.

I didn’t bother to listen to the rest of the message. The intro is a big put-off. Such negativity could also bring a pull-off. Imagine running away from UBA’s “wahala” and some lazy-about hugging “double wahala”. Some show.