The G.O is a smart guy

A memorable, if disturbing, incident in Ikorodu, Lagos State, in the 90s should start us off quite nicely this week. It so happened that an old chief, a man popularly called Eebuoso, was scandalized by a church’s sacking of traders within its vicinity and their replacement with a new set of (rent-paying) traders following the construction of lock-up shops by the church. The old man felt that as a religious institution, the church should have been compassionate and not taken such a mercantile step. You see, most of the displaced traders were his people, and he (or his father) it was who had given the church the land on which it stood. Well, tempers flared and when Eebuoso would not budge, the authorities of the church uttered a statement that has been quite impossible to forget: “We shall remove J from Jesu and show you real pepper!”

Jesu is the Yoruba rendition of the Saviour’s Name, Jesus, while esu stands for the devil (in Yoruba Christianity). As the old man huffed and puffed on behalf of the displaced traders, the churchmen recited incantations and promised him hell, saying he no longer held any title over the land, and that they would not be dictated to. Well, folks, this is the story that comes to mind as I ponder the fate of Bishop David Abioye, man Friday of the world’s wealthiest preacher, Bishop David Oyedepo. Well, it so happened that after 43 years in Oyedepo’s service at the Winners Chapel, Abioye had to go. Abioye, whose farewell service took place on Friday, October 18, in Durumi, Abuja, was forced out by the church’s “mandate” (operational guidelines). And so he is retired from the business. Moses was 120 when he died, Apostle Peter was in his 60s and Apostle John in his 90s. None retired because retirement from The Lord’s work isn’t contemplated by the Bible at all, and it actually means eternal separation from God.

Now, let’s go to the streets. You see, there’s a saying in the world of Yoruba street thugs or area boys: “Ladugbo mi, ti n ti yo?!” (In my hood, when I’m yet to have my fill?!). This is a phrase used by the lords of the streets when they see strangers trying to dilute their money source, e.g. issuing “permits” to the traders on the street; something that’s their natural remit. When they sight such people, they scream, aghast: “L’adugbo mi! Tin ti yo!” In other words, “You dare try this nonsense in my hood? When I haven’t made enough! Even if I would permit such a thing, wouldn’t it be after I am done making money?”

You see, there’s no monkey in Idanre; a General Overseer (G.O.) is nobody’s fool. Most of these G.Os are Yoruba, and they are versed in street and local wisdom. How can a G.O. hand over his empire to you when he has his own children? According to Forbes, Oyedepo is the wealthiest preacher in the world with a net worth of over US$150 million. The church owns four private jets and buildings around the world. Does anyone seriously expect him or any other G.O. to hand over the money tree to outsiders? To whom did Taiwo Odukoya hand over his enterprise? And Idahosa?

When a man starts a church, prowls the streets for years and you stick with him as a loyal friend, thinking you can inherit his position, he looks at you in the field of his mind with bitter scorn and asks himself: “This one wants to chop my money. Ladugbo mi, ti n ti yo!” How can a man hand over money from a masquerade’s presence (owo oju eegun), money obtained through toil, to you? You think say G.O. no get sense? They say it’s in the mouth of a lion that money lies, and you want the brave hunter who snatched it to share it with you? Who are you by the way and the bush? Na you dey inside N1,000? Last last, the G.O. fit “settle you,” give you small change make you take hold your side. But to hand over to you? Abomicountry! G.Os are what’s up( street-smart) guys who know how to bam bam, as veritable Agba Ballers! Now you know…

Most of these G.Os grew up with the elders and they know, as our elders say, that whoever wants a friend’s property must obtain it while he is alive, as a man’s property is the exclusive preserve of his children (Aaye la a jogun ore, omo eni ni jogun eni.) The G.Os will only hand over to their children or their wife/wives as the case may be. Don’t they say that blood is thicker than water? Golden rule: if you want to own a church, start one. If you see any G.O. handing over to somebody else, then he did not start that church. As Chinua Achebe said, which wise man will throw out the morsel that good fortune placed in his mouth? Forget about “mandate” or no mandate: the issue is the money and the real estate. It is too hefty to throw away. If you think your G.O. is going to leave all those hefty cars and all those Chinzu money to you, you had better check yourself into Aro psychiatric hospital very fast. Your G.O. is praising you to the skies on your birthday, but in his mind he is saying: “See this compound idiot o? Does he think I’m going to hand over my property to him and that wife of his with that stupid gele? Werey! L’adugbo mi!”

You all saw the Commonwealth of Zion Assembly’s (COZA) extravagant hosting of Matthew Ashimolowo, proprietor of the Kingsway International Christian Centre (KICC, which sounds like KFC!), at its recent leadership summit in Abuja. Ashimolowo’s journey from Lagos to Abuja began in a blue and ash-colored Rolls-Royce, which transported him to the Murtala Muhammed International Airport under armed guard. There, he boarded a private jet, and when he landed in Abuja, he was warmly received by COZA’s lead pastor, Biodun Fatoyinbo, and his wife, then transported to his superb suite at the Transcorp Hilton in a white Rolls-Royce. The church’s post on X read: “Pastor Matthew Ashimolowo’s INSANE VIP Arrival in 3 Rolls-Royces & a Private Jet!”

Biodun Fatoyinbo is evidently a billionaire. Now, does anyone seriously think that he’s going to hand over all that Chinzu money, houses, lands, etc. to anyone but his wife and children? Such a person is living in la-la land!

But let’s tell these moneybags a story, though. In the 13th century, the famous theologian, Thomas Aquinas, visited Pope Innocent IV in Rome. The pontiff took him on a tour of the Vatican’s treasury and showed him the treasures of art, gold and silver, saying smugly: “You see, Thomas, we cannot say as did St. Peter, ‘silver and gold have I none’.”

Aquinas’ reply: “No, but neither can you say, ‘rise up and walk.”

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