Religious, traditional institutions must adapt teachings to address realities of domestic violence —Ibironke Odetola

Ibironke Odetola, an experienced legal officer with the Ekiti State Ministry of Justice with over a decade expertise in Criminal Law, Arbitration, Mediation, Gender and Legislative Advocacy, speaks with ‘YOMI AYELESO on rising cases of domestic violence and deaths among couples and solutions to the menace in the society.

Considering recent trends of deaths in homes due to misunderstanding among couples, why are more Nigerian couples resolving conflicts with violence instead of dialogue?

The alarming surge in violent conflict resolution within Nigerian marriages is a complex issue indicative of a broader societal breakdown. From my perspective, this trend highlights a critical failure of our social support infrastructure and the concerning decline of traditional conflict resolution mechanisms. While the current economic climate, characterized by high unemployment, inflation, and poverty, places significant strain on families and increases emotional stress, these factors alone do not explain the prevalence of violence. The core issue is a systemic lack of access to effective communication and conflict management education. Many couples, burdened by intolerance and impulsivity, are ill-equipped to navigate disagreements constructively, leading to the rapid escalation of minor disputes into violent confrontations. Furthermore, the insidious normalisation of violence whether through media representation or within certain cultural norms, contributes to this disturbing trend. While the law mandates peaceful coexistence, its effectiveness is limited without comprehensive educational initiatives and accessible support systems that empower couples with the skills necessary for healthy relationships.

With husbands and wives stabbing each other to death, is marriage becoming a ticking time bomb?

Spousal homicides, tragically on the rise, cast a dark shadow over the institution of marriage, transforming what should be a sanctuary into a source of fear. This erosion of trust undermines the very foundation of our social contract. While it’s inaccurate to brand all marriages as inherently dangerous, the prevalence of unresolved tensions and hidden resentments is undeniable. The legal system, while recognizing the sanctity of marriage, also acknowledges the grim reality of domestic violence. The alarming frequency of lethal violence suggests a critical failure in identifying and addressing early warning signs. To combat this crisis, we urgently need preventative measures, including mandatory and a well encompassing pre-marital counseling and readily accessible mental health services, to equip couples with the tools for healthy conflict resolution. Marriage itself is not the problem; the conditions that breed violence within it are. Addressing this requires a comprehensive strategy encompassing legal reform, social intervention, and a shift in cultural norms.

What is pushing spouses to commit murder, is it poverty, infidelity, or deep-seated anger?

Spousal homicide arises from a complex web of interconnected factors, not a singular cause. Economic hardship, for instance, intensifies stress and breeds frustration, contributing to a volatile domestic atmosphere. Infidelity can also shatter trust, igniting powerful emotions like anger and jealousy that may end in impulsive violence. Underlying anger, often stemming from unresolved trauma or mental health conditions, further amplifies the risk. Crucially, these elements rarely exist in isolation; they frequently overlap, creating a dangerous confluence that can escalate to fatal violence. While the Nigerian legal system may acknowledge these circumstances as mitigating factors in some instances, it does not absolve the perpetrator of responsibility. Murder remains a crime, and the law mandates accountability.

Are religious and traditional marriage teachings failing, or is society ignoring red flags?

Religious and traditional marriage teachings often emphasize submission, forgiveness, and endurance. While these values can be positive, they can also perpetuate harmful power imbalances and discourage victims from seeking help. The focus on ‘keeping the peace’ can silence those experiencing abuse, allowing the violence to escalate. Moreover, society often ignores or downplays red flags, such as controlling behavior, verbal abuse, and threats of violence. We must move beyond basic notions of marriage and recognize the complexities of modern relationships. Religious and traditional institutions must adapt their teachings to address the realities of domestic violence and promote healthy, equitable partnerships. Simultaneously, society must cultivate a culture of awareness and intervention, encouraging victims to speak out and providing them with access to support services. The law provides for protection orders and other remedies, but these are only effective if victims feel empowered to seek help.

With rising cases of domestic killings, should the government declare a national emergency on marital violence?

While the government’s continuous efforts in raising awareness about gender-based violence are commendable, the alarming surge in domestic homicides demands immediate and decisive action. Declaring a national emergency on marital violence would amplify existing sensitization programs and signal a firm commitment to addressing the root causes of this crisis. A sustained, multi-faceted strategy is essential, including: strengthening legal frameworks through robust enforcement and new legislation; investing in comprehensive social support services across all government agencies, with expanded access to counseling, shelters, and support groups; launching impactful public awareness campaigns to educate on domestic violence signs and promote healthy relationships; enhancing law enforcement and judicial training for effective case management; and implementing economic empowerment programs to address poverty and inequality, significant contributors to marital stress. A national emergency declaration must be followed by concrete actions and sustained commitment to effect lasting change. The protection of lives and the preservation of the sanctity of marriage require nothing less.

READ ALSO: ‘How family, faith communities, govt can abate domestic violence in society’