Our men and our money!

For so long, many of us were raised with a simple blueprint: get a good education, build a decent career, but remember that the man is the “oga at the top,” the ultimate provider. But if you look at most women now. They are not just building ‘decent’ careers; women are creating empires. Women are CEOs, tech founders, top-tier doctors, and creative powerhouses. From the bustling markets of Lagos to the corporate towers, women are increasingly becoming the primary breadwinners in their homes.

And while we celebrate these wins, a quiet question often lingers in our hearts: How are men handling this? How is the Nigerian man, raised in a culture that places the burden of provision squarely on his shoulders, adapting to his wife or partner earning more?

Curious, I’ve been talking to people—my brothers, my friends, and their partners. I wanted to get past the usual social media noise and hear the real gist. The responses were as diverse and complex as a pot of party jollof rice.

Let’s start with the good news, because there is plenty of it. I spoke to men who are not just coping, but are genuinely thriving as partners to successful women. They are their biggest cheerleaders. One man, Tunde, told me, “My wife’s promotion was the best thing to happen to our family”. The financial pressure on me eased, and I’m so incredibly proud to tell anyone who will listen what she does. Her success is our success.” These are the men who see their partner’s win as a collective victory. They understand that a rising tide lifts all boats in the family. They’ve moved past ego and embraced partnership.

However, let’s be honest, it’s not always a smooth ride. For some men, this new reality is a tough pill to swallow. The cultural expectation for a man to be the sole provider is deeply ingrained. One man confessed that he initially felt like less of a man when his wife’s income started to dwarf his. “The side-talk from my own family was the worst,” he said. “It took many long nights of conversation with my wife for me to understand that my value isn’t just in how much I bring home. She needed me to be her rock, her support system.” This is where the real work happens, sisters. Through open, honest, and sometimes difficult conversations, many couples are navigating this territory and coming out stronger.

What gives me the most hope is the younger generation. The men in their 20s and early 30s seem to be wired differently. Many of them grew up with working mothers and see gender equality as the norm. For them, partnership is the goal. A young banker I spoke to put it perfectly: “Why would I want to carry the entire financial burden alone? It’s 2025! We are a team. I cook, she handles the investments. We both change diapers. It’s about building a life together, not fulfilling some outdated role.” This shift towards a more balanced division of labour at home is creating deeper bonds and happier families.

Ultimately, this is forcing a beautiful redefinition of what it means to be a strong Nigerian man. Masculinity is evolving from being just about financial dominance to being about emotional intelligence, strength in vulnerability, and the capacity to be a true, supportive partner.

Of course, the journey isn’t complete. There are still men who struggle silently, pressured by society’s expectations. There are still aunties and uncles who will make sly comments at family gatherings. But the change is happening, and more men are becoming less aggressive about it.

Please know that I am not speaking about men who deliberately put the financial burden of a home on their wives or partner. I am speaking about how men are really reacting to the rise of women who support the home financially. I will say the rise of the female breadwinner should not be a threat to men; it’s an invitation to build a new kind of partnership—one that is more resilient, equitable, and fulfilling. When a couple communicates openly and shares common goals, they become an unbreakable team.

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