My First Prophecy of the Year

He was sucking the breasts of his female congregants for free. How he got that lucky? He said one god called him to be a deliverance pastor who would suck cancer out of the breasts of afflicted women. In his mouth was cure, deliverance and healing. His name was Ralph Obi and he was popularly known as Pastor Sharp Sharp. He feasted on women already distressed and desperate. He said one god called him and he answered. So he became a self-acclaimed pastor. He had a ‘church’,. He had a congregation. People actually believed him, his calling and his story. Even he must have lost count of the number of breasts he fondled and sucked in the name of spiritual healing. Then his judgement day came, in broad daylight and he did not even have to die first. Detectives from Area M Command, Idimu, swooped on him and hauled him off to jail.

The breast-sucking ‘pastor’ was caught in the act while performing his strange brand of deliverance on the wife of a member of his church on Abaranje Road by Cele bus stop, Ikotun, Lagos State. And when the detectives went to search his house, of course, what they found were not rosaries, holy water or different versions of the holy Bible. Obi had in abundance tools of his trade of deceit. That happened here in Lagos, not in some remote hamlet or farm settlement where people do not know their Genesis from their Revelation. It all went down here in the Centre of Excellence, from breastfeeding to arrest. That arrest was made nine years ago.

Two other young men tried their hands on forcing their gods on a church altar and ended very badly.

Kelechukwu and Prosper started life with their eyes set on a bright future. After their secondary school education, they started to look for ways to make their dreams come true. They struggled, hussled, tried a few menial jobs, learnt a trade or attempted to learn a trade but the road to fame and wealth seemed too long and arduous. They decided to make their own luck if their ‘chi’ refused to bless them. Gbam, they decided to call God and the gods, and from the ways things turned out for them, I think some gods heard them and called them back. They ordained themselves preachers of the gospel.

Kelechukwu and Prosper wore designer suits and white collars. God watched them prancing from one side of the altar to the other, taking His name in vain. Their flocks called them Daddy, their wives were Mothers-in-Israel. Their congregation believed their ‘calling’ and respected their ‘anointing’.

Soon, Kelechukwu’s calling started tearing at the seams. His bank balances were not growing in direct proportion to the prancing, singing and the speaking in tongues. The all-work-no-money services and vigils were definitely not working for him. He knew he had to review his plans. They decided to do something to help God. They believed there must be another power that could help God.

READ ALSO: Pastor jailed 3 years over possession of 2 human hearts in Ondo

Prosper saw his friend’s struggles and offered to help. He took him to a native doctor in Ondo State. The jazz worked and Kelechukwu’s church started growing. Then envy crept in. Prosper felt he wasn’t properly rewarded for his efforts. Really pissed with his ungrateful friend, he again knew where to find assassins who assisted him in doing the needful.

The police eventually arrested him for killing his childhood friend along with the woman leader of the church and the pastor’s assistant. Their bodies had even started decomposing before they were found. That is what one ‘man of god’ did to another ‘man of god’.

In case you were thinking this is from an African Magic Epic movie, perish the thought. It was from Prosper’s testimony when the police ended his reign of evil.

‘Pastor’ Prosper’s words: “We both attended the same secondary school and started our gospel ministries together. We were both preachers. Iwuanyanwu was my childhood friend and we were also co-pastors. When he was having challenges in growing his church I took him to a native doctor in Ondo State to get charms to attract members to his church. The charms also helped him to perform miracles. I also gave him N100, 000 to support him during the trip.

“I hired three boys from Aba to attack the pastor. We trailed him to his house when he was going home and laid an ambush for him. We waited until midnight, when we knew he would return home,” Prosper said.

Pastor Kelechi was murdered along with his assistant, Pastor Ikeagwu Kalu, aka Ambassador, and the women leader, Ruth Andrew Eze. With all the jazz and juju from Ondo State and the annual top-up, The Wind of Glory International Church, where Iwuanyanwu presided before his gruesome murder is a church of not more than 200 members. And I’m still wondering what exactly this jazz achieved.

These two stories are to remind us of where we are coming from and that was before the Yahoo banditry business became a sector of the economy, one that I hope the new NRS and JGB will apply the full force of the tax reforms to. The juju men who call themselves pastors will wreak havoc in 2026. That, my brethren, is my first prophecy of the year. These smooth-talking predators will carry shining big Bibles, memorise a few verses and before you can say ‘Jesus’ rent a ‘small small’ shops and give it fancy names like Last Bus Stop International Gospel Mission or All Solution Miracle Arcade (AKA Miracle Now Now).

The predator from get-go knew it was a business and so will come with everything into the ‘Ministry’- black juju-in-a-calabash buried deep under the altar, another charm under his designer jacket that makes you warm up to him. The white handkerchief he constantly whips out of his pocket to wipe his face is designed by Baba to keep his congregation hypnotised. Around his waist is another one that works with a ring so everybody he touches falls under the ‘anointing.’

Back in his village, he would have been a dreaded native doctor. The problem is if he starts a shrine and erects a signage saying 21st Century Native Doctor’s Shrine (we kill, we make rich, we help you destroy your enemies), who will go there? We will all turn down our noses at him and call him evil. He will not be able to wear designer wristwatches and openly fraternise with politicians and big babes. We will expect him to mark his face with white chalk and tie red wrapper around his waist. He would not get customers.

So, this year, if one pastor tells you to unhook your bra and put your nipples in his mouth so he can suck out the spiritual husband preventing you from getting married and you do so, you are his maga, his lawful captive. It is not his fault that you believe him. A man who sees a cancer-stricken woman as a sex object is not just a sick freak but a demon from Satan’s kitchen cabinet. And they are all over the place, driving flashy cars and living colourfully. They are bringing shame to the name of God and Christianity. Their shrines continue to attract worshippers who pretend to know the Bible when all they do is just listen to their priests and priestesses.