Our mumu neva start

UNTIL President Muhammadu Buhari came back warlike to prove his lionliness in a staccato of speech, which he said was mainly for irresponsible Nigerians, I had thought of writing about God-fearing men as husbands. Sisters in public eyes drool over them with dreamy eyes. Yes, these desirables are kind of amorphous. But they are available somehow, only that our over-ripe sisters only get them in their nightmare. Isn’t that what an unrealistic desire usually becomes? Deep soul-ache is knowing something desirable is available but you are not desperate and determined enough for it. While sniffing for the Godly men, these sisters make do with satanic bedmates. How can they truly want saintly long-term partners, and be passing time with devil’s kids. If you marry devil’s child, you have him as father-in-law, and you can’t stop him from paying visit. So, devil visits and sisters dying for Godly men, but in pseudo conjugal with devil’s pikins, become Baby Mamas and the dream of Godly partners becomes dreaming. But with God nothing shall be impossible.

Do those tagged irresponsible by Buhari look anything like these dreamer sisters? If a surface prognosis of the speech, laced with affected grammar, is harnessed, the secessionists, restructurers, resumption agitators, political opponents especially those wishing him dead and those generally not sharing the president’s views, are the irresponsible Nigerians. Mr President, really! What are even the president’s views? Nigeria’s unity not negotiable, Council of State and National Assembly legally propped to fix the lopsided country and give all the nations therein, equitable belonging, Secessionist-in-Chief Ikemba Ojukwu agreed with him about 14 years back Nigeria must remain an indivisible entity and other odds and ends blah blah blah.

Dearest Daddy president, agitating Nigerians aren’t irresponsible. You are, with deepest respect, the hypocritical one. Is there anything those agitators are doing today which you haven’t done in excess? If Muslim-should-vote-only-Muslim statement isn’t a textbook definition of separatism, then our vaunted oyinbo knowledge is all haram. Would the statement from then Citizen-Buhari amount to irresponsibility? Does such statement and a couple infamous others by him define a non-negotiable unity? The past, they say, is always in your face.

Nnamdi Kanu and his IPOB choir’s secessionist melody is without doubt a dirge for the country if allowed in orchestra proportion. They needed rebuking, particularly over style, but is Mr President morally fit to? The president, in this regard, is the lady seeking a Godly suitor but still has devil as a father-in-law. Before his Apostolic sermon on national unity can win souls, he would need deliverance from his divisive ways.

The quantum of Mr President’s goodwill, in the face of tenuous presidential performance, will make him arguably the luckiest with Nigerians. But will that obviate his style of being peevish with anything not his way? His kind of mindset can’t sincerely, unite.

It is unbelievable that the Council of State which he now wants us to deposit our collective future with and sleep with two eyes closed, was rogue-collectives to him before he became president. Except when he thought his clearest path to Aso Rock was about being circumvented through a planned shift of the 2015 general election, he never ventured near that body after he lost a one-sided election to his latter-day buddy, Olusegun Obasanjo in 2003. If Buhari himself thought that body useful once in 12 years, does hypocrisy have a better meaning, with his recommendation of the same “August” body, to the restructurers?

And the National Assembly of Bukola Saraki and Yakubu Dogara? Ah, Mr President. Please, don’t take Professor Itsejuwa Sagay’s sleep away. He over-trusts you, even in your constant indiscretion, If you insist Saraki and co. are the real heroes to fix our future, no problems, only that as you strive to clothe these your new legislative friends with presidential credibility, your goodwill, even among your base, may need an overdraft.

After Boko Haram started tasting blood under the current administration and realized its tongue sharper than its arms, the terrorists began enjoying a different kind of new lease of life, wasting thousands without holding territories. I have heard arguments about soft targets. If it is a thinking military, correct strategy readings should have ensured preparations to contain what should have ordinarily been an aftermath of Sambisa dislodgement. But no, the wild party over dislodgement never seems to end. Hope the blood of the “soft targets” will stir the reverie.

With the anti-corruption campaign, Buhari will always score with the Nigerian mob, baying for the blood of alleged looters. He should however watch out for an over-kill. A broken record isn’t always treasured for long. The biggest threat to his signature policy is his political household. All Baba’s anti-corruption pikins are tearing their oesophagus.

Imagine The Lion laughing off protest over his holing up in London. Can he check his political timeline properly? Does he realise no president-wannabe had perfected street protest like him? Well, some also scorned him then. But, see the street protester of 2003, 2007 and 2011, today.

I wish I could have a different welcome for someone rescued from early grave by Divine Hand, but he spoiled the welcome shindig with his e ku ile (hope I met home well.) message. The president will have to stop behaving like a housewife who went to shave her legs outside, resorting to gra-gra to cover the explaining she should do about her whereabouts. For Baba oyoyo’s information, we aren’t all effeminate cuckcolds. But is it not anti-climax for our Lion who came widening his eyeball for the nation, to scamper from mere rats. Lion King indeed.