I admire tall, handsome men—Alhaja Kudirat Kassim

Alhaja (Chief) Kudirat Abeni Kassim, the Yeyeoba of Ilishan Remo, is a business woman, socialite and wife of Alhaji Sakiru Olanrewaju Kassim (SHOKAS). In this interview by YEMISI AOFOLAJU she speaks of her humble beginning, family life and sundry issues as she clocks 70.

How do you feel turning 70?

I feel very happy to be 70.

Attaining this age is not a joke, how has it been in the last seven decades?

Attaining this age is by the grace of God. The secret of this attainment is God.

Aside God’s faithfulness, what else has kept you thus far?

Though I am from a very poor background, I thank God because He has made me who I am. I cannot boast, but in all honesty, God has lifted me in all ramifications beyond my imagination.

What dream of future did you have as a young girl?

All my desire as a young girl was to excel and be a success in life. I never thought of becoming a medical doctor, lawyer or engineer. I had the belief then that as a hardworking girl, I was destined for greatness. My watchword from the word go, is hardwork. I also have it that once one is not lazy, there is no way one will not be successful.

Have you ever been an employee?

Yes, I once worked with Kwellarams for four years. I later joined Times Express at Apapa briefly, before I was later transferred to Lagos headquarters at Kakawa, as a receptionist for some years before I got married.

Your educational background?

I attended Methodist Primary School, Ilishan, Ogun State and later Ikenne/Ilishan Modern School, now Ikenne /Ilishan Secondary School. I did not go beyond modern school.

Was this a personal decision?

No, it was not. During our days, our fathers never believed in educating their female children, but the males.

What was your mother’s reaction to that decision?

My mother was a petty trader and did not see anything wrong in what her husband did. Then, men were ‘gods’ whose words were laws.

What were your considerations  for the man of your choice?

I never for once thought of dating a short man because I am a tall woman. I admire tall and handsome men.

So, the man’s purse was never a consideration?

No, it was not a must, as long as I was satisfied with his physique and I could boast of him as my husband, I was ready to consent to him.

Are you saying you gave in to the first man who approached you?

No. My first husband was fairly elderly.

It means you were not the first wife?

I was not his only wife. I had three children for him. He was a police officer.

Is he alive?

He is late.

 Was it after his demise you left or before then?

No, I had left him before his death and I did this because he never wanted me to work.

So, you remarried?

Yes, I did.

What is  now your position?

Number three.

What is your coping strategy in a polygamous setting?

He never married us together. Each of us stayed in different apartments. I am the only one sharing the same roof with him.

Even at that, coping with the excesses of your rivals would not have been a tea party?

Don’t forget that I am a product of polygamy. So, I never saw anything strange about polygamy. The question does not arise, because we are not staying together.

…Till date, in your second marriage?

Yes, we are not staying together. I am the only one staying with our husband at Ikoyi. The most senior is staying in one of the houses built by him.

What is your position now?

I am in the seventh position.

And you want me to include all these in the interview?

Yes, please, go ahead with all the details. It is a known fact. But as we speak, we are three with my husband now, four had left.

How do you manage seeking favour/attention of your husband?

Each and everyone of us is on her own.

So, you don’t get on each other’s nerves?

We do fight, but we resolve our differences amicably. Our husband is a very nice man; he does not give anything out to any of the wives without ensuring it goes round. He lives up to expectation as written in the Quran. He built for each of us our personal houses, bought cars for each of us, with number plates  Alhaja 1, Alhaja 2 and Alhaja 3. I’m Alhaja 3.

How did you become Alhaji’s favourite?

I do everything for him.

Are you his last wife?

Yes, I am the last wife. Apart from being his last wife, I so much love him, which is known to all who care to know. My total submission to him has earned me my children’s success.

What is the relationship between your first husband’s children and the present?

It’s very cordial, I will say it has been God’s doing all the way.

Having worked for people initially, why did you opt for business?

After getting married to my first husband, he said I should not work again. He set me up businesswise in textiles because my mum was also into this line of business. Incidentally, I have been in the business before I got married to the famous textile manufacturer, SHOKAS. We are in the business together till date. I am also into jewellery business. Right now, I have diversified into selling of household items like cooking wares and souvenirs.

How have you been able to retain your customers?

I am a fashion freak. I dress well. My dress sense endears me to my customers because they are sure they will get the best from me. I will never compromise quality. One other thing that has kept my clients is my honest attribute. I have observed over time that if you are honest in whatever you are doing, you will continue to prosper. When we were producing and selling Shokas Lace, it was known to our clients that we were selling SHOKAS, and when we had imported lace materials, it was a known fact.

Is any of your children taking after you in business?

My two female children are into trading. They cut their business teeth while in school.

Are they not lettered?

They are both graduates. One is a microbiologist, two medical doctors, one is an accountant and two computer scientists.

How social are you?

I love partying a lot. I am a high society lady.

Your preferred musician(s)

Sunny Ade and Ebenezer Obey  are  my choice anytime anyday. Sunny Ade even waxed a track for me, Ma ba ja o, ye dakun ma ba ja. Kudi lo loro e , dakun ma ba ja. To ba binu, yan elebe si, wo dobale mi o, dakun ma ba ja. Ani Kudi lolore o dakun ma ba ja. Obey equally did the same for my 40th birthday.

What can you do to make Alhaji get angry with you?

Alhaji is too fond of me that he wants me to be with him at all times. He frowns on my deviation.

How do you make up for the lapse?

I always go on my knees, begging him. Whenever I want to appeal to Alhaji after any brawl, I just play Obey’s album to appeal to him.

What is his favourite dish that you prepare for him?

Amala is his favourite.

You still go the kitchen?

No, I supervise the cooks these days, but before, I never allowed anybody to do that for me; I was the only cook. But one is not getting younger.

Your favourite dish?

I have no favourite.

To what extent do you go at any party?

I spray them (musicians) with money. By the time the musician begins to sing my praise, I get so involved that I can spend all I have.

Your role model?

My aunty, late Chief Grace Otuola Awoyemi, Iyalode of Ilu Ilishan. I have been praying from my early years that God should let me be like her.

What puts you off people?

If  I am lied against or being alleged of doing what I did not do.

Do you support women joining politics in spite of the belief that women politicians are wayward?

Yes, I support both men and women. A woman can decide to be wayward, even if not in politics. I don’t believe in that school of thought. There is no woman who cannot be an adulterer; it depends on the woman. So many have this erroneous belief about me as a woman of easy virtue, but  I know that I am not one.

What made them think you are the frivolous type?

Because I dress to kill. I am so fashionable, but I know who I am created to be.

Your favourite colour?

I love all colours because I combine my accessories correctly.

What has life taught you at 70?

My absolute trust in God has enabled my success in life. Life had been so easy for me because I call on God in the morning, afternoon and evening.

How do you feel as a grandmother?

I am always very happy when I see my grandchildren around calling me grandma.

As the Yeyeoba of Ilishan Remo, what have you been able to do to impart on your community?

I have intervened on so many occasions on meaningful development projects. You know before you can be given a title in your place of birth, you must have been assessed, based on your activities. I am loved by my people.

What would you like to be remembered for?

I will love to be remembered for my good works because I hate hurting other people’s feelings. My watchword is doing good, though I can quarrel with you now, but the next minute, I have forgotten.

What impact have you made on the underprivileged?

Well, if anyone approaches me, I do the little I can afford, but I will start to bring up committees that will see to this issue.