Human relationships across the lifespan

We explored the salience of human relationships as the foundation for emotional wellbeing in a previous article. Important take home messages were: i). All human beings are alike in our core emotions – desire to be happy, to be accepted, appreciated, treated with respect and dignity and so on. ii). However, we are more often than not, very careless with regards to the way we treat others – even though we expect to be treated nicely. iii). Taking the pains to be nice and thoughtful towards others – especially family, spouses, children, colleagues at work e.t.c. is an investment that we should all buy into, to make our experience of life better for us all. This week, we discuss the importance of human relationships across the lifespan.

Children and young people

Children and young people learn about human relationships first by observing how their parents and other family members relate with each other. Children begin their socialisation process, through observation and imitation. This process forms the bedrock of their early understanding and potentially shapes their interpersonal relationships for the rest of their lives. In this regard, “The child is father to the man”.

Therefore, the ability of a child to form stable attachment and relationships with family members, that is positive stems from being nurtured in a loving, happy home where everyone is treated with respect and dignity; where conflicts and disagreements are resolved through explanations and discussion -rather than an exchange of blows and insults. Thus, you are teaching your child to grow up expecting and conforming to the same standard of behaviour. Until it becomes engrained and second nature to the child, to be respectful, to help others and offer a helping hand, to volunteer for more responsibility in times of need, and not to resort to insults and violence when provoked, frustrated or angry. The reverse is also true that if the family environment is toxic, hostile and unstable, it also negatively affects the child’s self-esteem, happiness and is likely to result in poor emotional wellbeing. Such children may also exhibit behavioural problems such as fighting in school, disobeying rules and poor academic performance.

Adolescence is an even more delicate phase of development when they may turn to peers for guidance, reinforcement and a feeling of bonding – especially where these are not available in the home environment. Especially in these days of social media and virtual friends, the quality of relationships within the family and the home environment is crucial to provide a reality check and serve as a stabilising factor.

A good school that boasts of a mental health promoting environment is also an important asset for children and adolescents. Such a school should support and encourage every child and adolescent to achieve their potentials without being made to feel awkward or rejected. Every child and adolescent have their unique strengths and it takes a good school with experienced teachers, who are well trained about the emotional needs and peculiarities of children and adolescents to enhance these traits and promote their emotional wellbeing.

If the school environment is not supportive or conducive to emotional wellbeing, then bullying, peer pressure, experimentation with drug abuse and ignorant exploration of sexuality will be the norm – with potential for disastrous consequences.

Adults

Adulthood comes with the responsibility of securing and retaining a job, starting a family and having to navigate the work environment. Relationships at home (with the spouse and children, as well as with family members and in-laws) can contribute towards positive emotional wellbeing or can be destructive and a source of constant emotional stress. Additional challenges can also occur when marriages break down, resulting in divorce or separation; when there are financial worries; difficulties at the work place or health challenges.

Studies are clear that the relationships we form and nurture throughout our adult lives are important to our mental health. Those who are able to establish stable relationships have been found to be consistently healthier, happier and contented with life. The major task of adulthood therefore, may be twin-pronged: establish a successful and happy family life and develop a successful career. None should be sacrificed for the other, but a good balance should be sought.

Later life

The majority of our senior citizens (aged 65 years and older) have to contend with loneliness and isolation. At this time, most of their children have moved and established their own families and the senior citizen may have also retired from work. Health challenges may also be a constant concern. Thus, close relationships and having a closely knit social support system is crucial to their emotional well-being in later life. Absence of such relationships may lead to depression.

Conclusion

Optimal human relationships are crucial at every stage of human life, from childhood through adulthood to old age.