Ifeoluwa Oyatokun is a writer, a United Kingdom-based banker, and the founder of AfricHer Rising. She is passionate about women’s leadership and development. In this interview by KINGSLEY ALUMONA, she speaks about her experience as an only female child, her work as a women’s advocate, among other issues.
As a child, how did you view the female and the male genders in terms of rights and opportunities?
I grew up as an only child, a female one, in a male-dominated society ─ in one of the most traditional, historical villages in South-west Nigeria. And there was always that contention of: Who will be the heir?
Despite my parents’ efforts in shielding me from the harsh realities, I could not help but pick up on the pity, unsolicited advice and the uneven scale that both genders sit. I understood early that for a girl to be seen in the same light, given the same opportunities as a boy, she has more work to do, and a lot to prove.
What inspired your interest in leadership matters, especially as it concern women?
It all started from childhood ─ standing up to a bully, defending my friends even when it was not my business. There has always been that leadership streak. And when it comes to women, that is a result of social conditioning and necessity.
A teacher once told me, I should have walked away from defending myself against a bully simply because he is a boy and I am a girl. “A girl doesn’t talk back at boys,” she chided.
I was upset, not because of what the bully did, but because he got away with it simply because of his gender. The society creates a breed of entitled male-minds and timid female-minds, and we cannot wish it away.
So I chose to join the league of exceptional women changing the narrative one niche at a time.
Why did you found your organisation, AfricHer Rising? How is the organisation faring in this male-dominated Nigerian and African society?
AfricHer Rising was birthed after my experience representing the women of Osun State as the second Woman Leader for ANN flagging Fela Durotoye for presidency. I came to realise that it is not enough to simply speak the vocabulary of inclusion, if we do not emphasise the necessity of excellence and competence, history will simply keep repeating itself.
We choose to bite the hard ball, instilling confidence in the competent, and competence in the passionate, in preparation towards better Africa. This is what has given rise to AfricHer Rising as a movement.
As regards faring in a male-dominated society, it has been quite positive. The labours of those who have gone ahead of us pays off because right now we have quite a number of forward-thinking male volunteers amidst us. I treasure this.
What major programme or event does your organisation use to inspire or teach women and how do you sustain such programme?
The strategy that we have adopted is the use of social media awareness, mentoring and workshops. We have a community on Facebook that trains and empowers women intellectually, for free. We also give room for people’s passion to peep through. For instance, we have a segment called Ted Talk Tuesday, where we listen to women’s most burning message towards social development.
Our annual conference held on the 26th of March with the themed: Break the Bias: Leadership is Feminine. The focus this year was to bring to fore attributes of femininity that have been regarded as weaknesses, which in essence is the bane of true leadership, emotional intelligence, physical beauty and attraction. These are qualities you readily anticipate in a leader ─ checkout any notable world leaders. Our conference was attended by experts and industry leaders from different parts of the world to teach women the secret of the game.
Patriarchy is a big challenge to womanhood and women development in almost all spheres of life. How are the women in your circle or organisation handling this challenge?
Patriarchy is present, and we cannot wish it away. What we can do is stand up for ourselves, influence our circle and build a better society, one conversation and action at a time.
Many people believe that too many conservations on women issues, as feminists and activists do, is exaggerated and boring. What is your take on this?
Exaggerated and boring? What if we said freedom fighters like Claudette Colvin, Nelson Mandela’s actions or Martin Luther King’s speech was exaggerated and boring? What would be the fate of Africans now even in our own states?
And as regards feminists, you cannot tell a child how to hurt. You listen and try to make it better. You cannot disregard an idea because it makes you uncomfortable. You tune in and fix it, starting with yourself. I think the society still has a long way to go when it comes to balancing the scales. But I believe we are closer today than we were yesterday.
The National Assembly, in its constitutional review, rejected some women bills, but later decided to review them. Do you think the bills would be signed into law?
The question is: What are they afraid of?
It is clear that the male-dominated Assembly seems to get a kick from sabotaging the opportunity for more women involvement. On 1st of October, Nigeria would celebrate independence. We remember tales of heroes who fought for our freedom across Africa, yet we are quick to embrace the same shade of bias when it comes to women involvement in policymaking and governance, playing the same dirty cards amongst ourselves.
If just 19 of the 469 legislators currently serving in Nigeria’s bicameral legislature are female in a nation where we have approximately 101.67 million women out of the 206.1 million population, what does that tell us?
It is a good development the assembly has chosen to review. However, while they do, I will like them to bear at the back of their minds that we hold the cards. We own almost 50 per cent of the votes, and our sons own the rest. Women are rising, and that cannot be shut off.
If you were the president of Nigeria, how would you govern the country differently to ensure development and security of the citizenry?
The prosperity of any nation lies in the secret of its elders and the strength of its youths. We are a nation with rich history and untapped resources. Our holy grail is in not in wild sugar-coated manifestoes or bogus ideas. It is in the art of listening, engaging and acting.
Listen to the streets, to the ones you govern. Tap the untapped resources. Engage the strength of the youth. Let the wisdom of elders guide and put the nation to work. Developed countries are systematically harvesting our greatest resources, and I am not just talking about the minerals, I am referring to our greatest talents and best brains.
So for me, it is not about the flamboyant ideas. It is about putting the nation to work and making the system work.
The catch phrase of the 2022 International Women’s Day was ‘Breaking the bias’. In what ways are you breaking the bias and barriers your gender places in your way?
By being the best version of myself, being excellent and being human. Speaking up for myself where and when I need to. Asking questions and taking actions with all boldness and assuredness. Knowing and honing my skills regardless of social narratives. Shattering my own personal barriers, and then proceeding to do the same in and for my community.
Apart from AfricHer Rising, what other jobs/engagements demand your time? And how do you manage the stress/challenges associated with your engagements?
I currently work in the banking industry, with a notable bank in the UK. I also run a couple of businesses, an African fashion couture outlet and a consultancy agency amongst others. I am an author, my book ‘Proverbs 31 Woman on the Streets of Lagos’ is currently in stores in Nigeria, Amazon.com and soon to be in Ghana.
As regards stress and balance, prioritisation is of utmost importance. Also, I have learnt to recognise different seasons and adjust accordingly.
Tell us about your family and how your husband is helping your career? What three qualities does your husband possess that you want other men to emulate?
I am privileged to be a mum to the smartest, most handsome young man; and a wife to the most supportive man I have ever met. Most of what I do now grew from flame to full bloom when I married my husband. I count myself blessed to have chosen to do life with a man like my husband.
How do I fit this man into just three qualities?
Clarity ─ he takes his time to understand me. He is very clear about who I am. He understands my frailties and strength, and embraces both.
Confidence ─ my husband is very self-aware. It is one of the qualities I have always admired about him, because he projects the same confidence unto me.
Compassion ─ he is a kind man. Highly empathetic. He does not only communicates his compassion in words, but also in action.
What advice do you have for young girls and women who are aspiring to be like you?
First of all, I would say, you can never be a better version of someone else but the best version of yourself. Believe in yourself early, trust the future you see and work towards it. It will come to you.
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