For many, attention has always been on the husbands’ physical abuse of their wives. On this platform, we have also considered physical domestic violence, and without any reservations, condemned it on the strongest terms, without sparing the abusive husbands. The position taken was that there is no justifiable reason for domestic physical abuse. The onus lies on the husbands to maintain self-control, in the strictest manner, in the face of provocation from their wives. This is to avoid the dare consequences of physical domestic abuse, with the high possibility of fatality.
Having done that, there is also the need to drum it to the ears of the wives, to refrain from razor blade tongues in addressing conflicts with their husbands. To fail to address this issue, which boils down to emotional abuse for husbands will be a great misnomer in addressing the issue of domestic violence in marriages.
The provocative nature of emotional abuse really calls for great caution on the part of women, in order to help their husbands stay sane, and avoid giving them thorough beating, when provoked. The reason is that when a person is pushed to the walls, he is capable of doing the unimaginable. So, a person should not be tempted beyond what he or she can bear. That’s why Thomas Hardy wrote in his book, ‘Thess of the Durber Villes’, “constant droppings will wear even a stone.”
Just like self-control is needed by husbands, likewise is it relevant to the wives in avoiding emotional abuse of razor blade tongue. Every one of us needs the discipline of self-control in the journey of life. Without it, man cannot not succeed in life. Destiny journeys have been prolonged due to lack of self-control. Or how does one explain a student who keeps sleeping around instead of concentrating on her studies, when she becomes pregnant? She must obviously bear the consequences of having to repeat the process of her studies, if she is ever able to survive the incident of unwanted pregnancy.
Wives must realise that words are powerful in motivating a husband, positively or negatively. Therefore, words must be carefully chosen in the marriage.
Husbands have hinged physical domestic abuse on the issue of their wives’ usage of derogatory words for them. One said his wife called him a horse as opposed to a husband. Another one retorted that his wife’s well known appellation for him is “bastard man”. To another husband, curses and use of physical features’ abuse are his lot, once he has issues with his wife. She is fond of saying, “big head, small body”, “fish eye man”, “plastic arms” among others.
One man said his own issue with the wife is parental abuse. There is no name his wife cannot call his parents, once they have conflicts. That’s why he loses his temper, in order to checkmate his wife.
In conclusion, wives would have to exercise great caution with the use of the tongue in settling marital conflicts; otherwise, the war against physical domestic abuse will be a herculean task. Even, in saner climes, where stringent conditions are attached to violence, husbands have had to damn the consequences of murder charge and jail term, by resulting to physical violence against their wives, when pushed to the wall.
I have adopted the proverbial approach of chasing the fox away, before caging the fowl, in this case of domestic physical violence.
The responsibility of winning the war against domestic violence lies with the couples. Let each partner act responsibly, and peace will be the order of the day in our marriages.
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