When you think about having sex, would you say “intimacy” is the first thing that comes to your mind? Do you think of sex as a place to feel truly seen, loved and free to fully express yourself?
If you’re finding yourself answering “no” to any or most of these questions, you’re not alone. For most (honest) people, the answer to is a resounding “no.”
But why? Especially given that sex is, basically by definition, one of the purest expressions of intimacy there is. Yet couples display a huge gap between what most people truly long for in sex and what they actually experience in their day-to-day lives.
Because this gap creates a great deal of suffering, disappointment, resentments and other unpleasant emotions, doing the following things could help deepen the experience of intimacy in the bedroom.
Recognise the importance of cultivating an intimate friendship with your partner
Many people who want to feel deeply connected during sex tend to focus too much on technique — the details of sex itself. In reality, however, the quality of your relationship with your partner is far more important for feeling intense intimacy in the bedroom.
Emotional connection, mutual trust and a sense of safety within the relationship can basically be thought of as a prerequisite to the fulfillment of your sexual desires. Intimacy also requires acceptance, understanding and, of course, physical attraction. Ultimately, it’s that feeling of being at home with someone that we crave so much, and that makes the actual act of sex so pleasurable.
One of the most underrated ways to increase trust and ditch fear in your relationship (which hinders intimacy during sex) is to really work on developing a solid, always-evolving friendship with your partner. When your relationship is a safe space to share, be and express without being judged, your ability to offer more and surrender without reservations in the bedroom greatly increases.
Connect deeply to your own body
The everyday stressors of life — from work to cleaning our houses to making dinner to paying bills — keep most of us from maintaining consistent and thorough self-care routines. A result of this is that most of us devote a minimal amount of time to exploring, embracing and enjoying our own bodies.
Unfortunately, these effects of stress trickle down into our sex lives. When we haven’t developed a comfortable and intimate relationship with ourselves, it’s nearly impossible to cultivate a comfortable and intimate sexual relationship with someone else.
When you create the space to feel, explore and love your own body, you are better able to communicate what you want, what you crave and what makes you feel fulfilled.
Speak up!
One of the most common reasons that sex starts to feel routine, and far less passionate, is through lack of communication. It may seem unnecessary to express how disappointed you were when your partner didn’t really acknowledge your effort in planning the perfect date. But think about it this way: when you suppress your pain in one moment, it doesn’t go away; it will simply come up again, in another form.
One of the ways this happens is through suppressed intimacy — emotionally, sexually and beyond. The more you can practice shortening the time it takes between feeling hurt and letting the other person know, the lower your chances of developing resentment. Less resentment and other negativity means a greater willingness to give and receive in other ways, especially when it comes to sex.
Culled from www.mindbodygreen.com