The holy writ admonishes expressly: “Touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm.” I may not be the quintessential follower of the Creator, but I work really hard to decipher good from evil and adhere to the commandments. Consequently, I have never sailed on the waters of disrespecting a prophet or made port at the shore of a prophet’s ridicule. The reason for this “is contrived and here is my postulate: doing either of those would mean condemning my soul to an early immortality that would be attributed to walking off the plank like on the Flying Dutchman.” This paragraph is an extract from one of my articles that was originally published in 2015. But in the last two years, I have had cause to rehash it in several other write ups.
Today, I am being forced to make reference to it again, not because I love dishing out opprobrium to prophets, but because most of these Nigerian prophets, like pregnant teenagers, keep spitting hilarious irritants from their ‘anointed’ buccal cavities. Why can’t they just stick to their calling, that is, if they truly have any!
I may not be a preacher’s wife but from Bible study, I learnt that prophecies are meant for these three fundamental purposes- edification, exhortation and comfort. Consequently, it wouldn’t be out of place to inquire of Dr Olagorioye Faleyimu, prophet and founder of Mountain of Blessing and Miracle Church of Christ, where his Christmas day prophecy on Nollywood actress and fan’s delight, Funke ‘Jenifa’ Akindele, fits in the three categories of prophecies, would it?
Earlier that day, I had been held spellbound by the exquisite showering of gifts on Jenifa by her husband, JJC skillz. I was swooning in the romantic gesture as I kept swiping on my device to see all the juicy pictures that captured the moment. The tiny smile across my face expanded till it became a huge curve directly connecting my left ear to my right. Yes, I was genuinely that happy for the actress as I assured myself that she had finally found love and the right man. My intuitive antennae didn’t pick up any stage-managed vibe from the photos. It looked real and I could almost wager with my earnings that it was.
Meanwhile, somewhere in the city of Lagos, while ‘Jenifa’ was relishing the succulent love of her husband and reeling in the euphoria that came with the Yuletide, some prophet was making her life the core sermon of his Christmas day message or was it the punch line? I personally feel a huge sympathy for every member of Faleyimu’s pew that was in church on Christmas day. I would be depressed if I had gone to church on the day the universe was celebrating the birth of the Saviour, which was by the way an immaculate conception, to hear about the damnation of another woman to a life sans the motherhood experience.
How did the sermon for such an auspicious day, diminish into dooms day prophecies for a hard-working woman that has risen to stardom from the very bottom? I would like to convey my sincere condolences to everyone that was a part of Prophet Faleyimu’s congregation that day because they were robbed of the essence of Christmas, listening to why another woman would die barren on the day another gave birth without knowing any man!
Imagine hearing this at a Christmas service: “A popular actress in Nollywood, Funke Akindele who was once in the Yoruba movie industry should pray deeply so as to have children. Without special prayers, she won’t have a child before she dies because she is destined to be wealthy and famous but not destined to have a child and stable husband until she engages herself in the special prayer.Whosoever marries her must have another reason because the issue of not having a child will keep coming up and it will scatter the marriage. If she refuses to do the prayer, she will end up adopting a child and, by that time, she will be living alone without a husband. Another grace she has is to marry a pastor who can fight the battle on her behalf with prayers.”
I would have been nauseated if I was there listening to all that. Well, according to my people from the East, a toad does not run around during the day for no reason; something is either chasing it or it is chasing something. So, here are my postulates: maybe the prophet was tactically applying to be Jenifa’s executive personal prophet (EPP) so that he could conduct the special prayers that would break the yoke of barrenness in her life. Perhaps, on the other hand, he was, in subtlety, indicating his interest to be her next husband after his foretold split with JJC Skillz comes to pass. After all, he is a pastor who has the grace to intercede on her behalf like his prophecy indicated, isn’t he? Come to think of it, isn’t Jenifa’s Diary in its seventh season and making serious waves both locally and internationally at the moment? Why won’t prophecies about Jenifa spring up?
With my little understanding of the scripture, whenever God sent the prophets of the old to kings, they sought them out and only in the privacy of their palaces, divulged God’s message. However, Funke’s message had to be a sermon to a congregation she was not even sitting in. That’s alright!
But another thing that is very alright is JJC Skillz’s epic response to the prophet’s prophecy, “NO EVIL PROPHECIES WILL COME TO PASS IN YOUR GENERATIONS.” JJC Skillz had written it just like that; all in capital letters…I bet he was going for emphasis and I guarantee you, his declarations will have real spiritual impact because he is not only her husband but her spiritual head. A role he aptly demonstrated and I am so impressed. Also, it was very alright for OAP Freeze to respond to that prophecy. I was really impressed because, sadly, I had formed certain opinions of him during recent controversies. But now, I am screaming, ‘way to go, Freeze!’
It saddens me, however, that Christianity gets sullied in the mud of controversies and outrageous prophecies every now and again in this country. Pastors, self acclaimed prophets, are springing up everyday and with each passing dawn, we have more emissaries of doom, falsehood and ambiguities. Perhaps the last days which the book of Matthew described, is starting from Nigeria.
I have never met Funke ‘Jenifa’ Akindele, but this is simply ingrained in the girl code – you must have each other’s back. I have watched her grow over the years and I can say categorically that she deserves the spotlight she currently is in and maybe more. She is a strong woman, a real hustler and an inspiration. So, I would say a gargantuan AMEN to JJC Skillz’s declarations. On a second thought, Funke, you should probably send the prophet an audition invitation if a spot opens up in Jenifa’s Diary. I feel Adaku will need one to exorcise her of her gluttony: ‘I am pride in you.’