Wahala for doctors, Rivers and Portable

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2 years ago

One rattling and rambling little man, who lives somewhere in the belly of Ogun State, has been thrilling and riling the entire community with his social status. He thoroughly disturbs and, at the same time, entertains through his deeds, some of which light up the internet. On many occasions, this man has given Nigerians contents for their videos, memes and sundry work. His looks are one of a kind; his hairstyle and colours numb the analytical senses. But it is said to be ‘the entertainment industry’ and this man has created a unique style for himself. One of the dollops in the man’s packed plate is his proclivity for ‘wahala’. Wahala is a street lingo for ‘trouble’. While wahala is just slang for trouble, it is way deeper than just that. Wahala is a metaphor for everything one does not want in one’s life.

It is detestable to be enmeshed in wahala of any kind because it could lead to one’s ignominy. Rather, it is helpful to pray against and actually avoid it. Many indeed contend that wahala (nsogbu in Igbo language) could stand in the place of Bilisi or Ajo ihe which we supplicate against through The Lord’s Prayer of Christians. But Habeeb Okikiola, Omo Olalomi, has chosen to call himself Wahala. Apart from being Portable (as his nom de stage and by size), the Zazu crooner is indeed wahala unto himself, his neighbours in and outside of the internet, and his immediate physical community in Ifo Local Government Area of Ogun State.

This man who also aptly calls himself Were Olorin (The Crazy Music man) saw a special tinge of wahala recently. He had had a brush with the police when he ranted uncontrollably as policemen visited his office to arrest him allegedly based on petitions. This irritant but talented entertainer made so loud a noise of the incident that the policemen backed out – retreated as they say. Then the police went back afterwards and he landed in court, as sober as a judge. He is on bail but has made a musical track about the short experience. The point of his single after being released on bail is that “after God the Almighty, the government is next” in terms of power. This points to the fact that the law is no respecter of persons.

Portable’s social and musical statuses aren’t anything near those of Fela Anikulapo Kuti or Peter Tosh yet, but he is one reprobate in his own tremendous rights. It is even an insult to those legends to mention them in the same breath with Portable but he too is on his way to eccentricity stardom. Those worldwide greats had their numerous brushes with the respective authorities of their countries for the same marijuana and eccentricity but they also made enduring impacts. Will Portable endure at this rate? Only time will tell.

However, today isn’t actually about Portable’s manners but the various forms of tangible and intangible wahala cascading all around us as a country. We have our peculiar rivers of wahala flowing unhindered, tingling nearly all the orifices of our national life. The new one is a bill which seeks to ensure that doctors trained in the country serve for a minimum of five years before they can seek opportunities abroad. The bill is racing fast to become a law, and it seeks “to prevent medical and dental practitioners from being granted full licenses until they have worked for a minimum of five years in the country.” Dear Doctor, this bill if passed and signed into law, will not only cage you, it will also keep you for five years against your desire for a greener pasture. The main reason for this is that your training was “heavily subsidized by Nigeria.”

The bill passed second reading at the House of Representatives yesterday (Friday). It has such a long name and looks like it will be a long-standing customer. It’s titled: “A Bill to Amend the Medical and Dental Practitioners Act, Cap. M379, Laws of the Federation of Nigeria, 2004 to mandate any Nigeria-trained Medical or Dental Practitioner to Practice in Nigeria for a Minimum of Five (5) Years before being granted a full license by the Council in order to make Quality Health Services available to Nigeria; and for Related Matters (HB. 2130).” It is sponsored by Mr. Ganiyu Abiodun Johnson representing Oshodi/Isolo Federal Constituency of Lagos State. Johnson was said to have told the House of Representatives that it was “only fair for medical practitioners, who enjoyed taxpayer subsidies on their training, to give back to the society by working a minimum of five years in Nigeria before exporting their skills abroad.”

It is not the first time Nigerian institutions will abandon devastating leprosy to face hapless ringworm. It is not funny that Rep Johnson and his hailing horde have not touched the cause of doctors’ japa menace but chose to battle the effect. It is pure legislative grandstanding because these lawmakers seem to be telling people trapped in a burning house not to seek escape. Also, if “any Nigeria-trained medical and dental practitioner” is properly scrutinized, it does appear to mean that doctors in Nigeria are being trained totally by Nigeria. However, what Nigerians hear often is that training of Nigerian doctors is “heavily subsidised”. Thus, these doctors are believed to pay a pittance to get trained.

What is then the sense in heavily subsidizing the training of doctors who end up not having tools to work or the facilities to ply their trade? What is the guarantee that these doctors would have a place to practice outside their housemanship? The doctors swim in the same boat with other students in Nigerian universities who suffer from ASUU, SSANU, NASU, NAAT strike actions. Our Reps were helpless the last time ASUU went on strike; we have not solved the problems that led to that eight-month hiatus in the life of these doctors and sundry university students. What is the position of the bill on doctors trained in private universities – are they “Nigeria-trained” or “Nigerian-trained”? Who says that countries in dire need of these medical hands might not hire yet-to-be-fully licensed doctors? They have their ways – both ways, and this bill might either be a waste of efforts or a white elephant.

There are many things to argue about the bill. It is believed that doctors themselves, the Nigerian Medical Association, Medical and Dental Council of Nigeria and other stakeholders would react accordingly. But in the meantime, let’s also see a bill to stop medical tourism abroad. We would also love to see it pass with speed as this one which has further swelled our overflowing rivers of wahala.

Interestingly, ‘Rivers of wahala’ is also metaphoric. Rivers State of Nigeria is currently enmeshed in its own brand of wahala. Its troubles are like rivers, all flowing from one source known as Nyesom Wike. There, those who were not allowed to vote during the elections are slugging it out with those they said disallowed them from voting. Their wrestling arena has now been shifted to INEC office in Port Harcourt. Lawyers have been abducted from INEC in Rivers. Winners and losers are all protesting the outcome of the same election. It is very curious. The matter is like that of the millipede that was stepped on which did not complain aloud, but the man that stepped on it has been shouting all around.

An elder who sits carelessly in public, exposing his testicles will have children ridicule him by the sight. There is wahala o!

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