Taming domestic violence through good communication

Many quarrels between couples stem from poor communication, making marital intimacy a Herculean task. Many people in marital relationships don’t know how to communicate. We just think that talking, reactions, and actions get us to communicate.

Really, most of the talking, reactions, and actions say something to our spouses. But the health of what is said to our relationship is what matters. Does it promote intimacy or cause you to drift away from each other, creating room for domestic abuse in the form of physical and emotional abuse? When what you communicate in words, actions, and body language pulls you apart from your spouse, it is simply called bad or poor communication. Pure and simple.

There is, therefore, a need for us to avoid poor communication in our marriage, the aftermath of which is increased marital harmony.

*Dealing with poor communication in marriage.

Coming from the angle of poor communication pulling couples apart, we must address the following issues about poor communication:

Communication with your spouse must be an open and sincere one, void of fear and threats. You must be able to express yourself freely, on all matters, without the fear of backlashes from your spouse. This is how to grow your friendship in marriage.

That’s why someone wrote that we encounter couples claiming that they have a great relationship. This means that they communicate with one another and feel positive towards each other when they interact.

According to the writer, “Strong collaborative communication skills are required for making decisions together. Both partners need to communicate in a way that both are willing to listen attentively and respond positively. And this is what makes a good couple.”

*Find the appropriate or right time to communicate with your spouse.

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Wisdom demands that you wait for the right time to address issues with your spouse. The middle of a soccer game of his favourite team, under the threat of relegation, when she is still hurting from a negative remark about her cooking, when temper is rising over an argument, are certainly not the best of times to communicate with your spouse.

You must not plant maize in a grass-cutter invested farm. That’s why many females wait before sex, or after sex, to present their request. Results have proven that such a time is highly effective to communicate such issues.

*Watch what you communicate with your body language.

A lot of the time, we speak louder than words, through our body language. We must therefore be sensitive to how our spouses respond to our body language. Some people recoil to their shells as a result of the communication of the body language of their spouses.

A husband stopped asking his wife for sex because she formed the habit of being in bed, dressed like a battle-ready soldier, with her full uniform on. To him, it meant she was avoiding sex matters. So, he kept to himself in such scenario.

*Avoid harsh and sarcastic expressions in your communication with your spouse.

Hurtful and harsh words make your spouse defensive and evasive during communication. He or she is put off from the communication, allowing both to further drift apart. Your tone should not be loud and disrespectful in communicating your hurt to your spouse. Otherwise, you will not achieve a peaceful resolution of your conflict.

*Avoid communication based on assumptions.

I have discovered that many couples’ words, actions, and body language in communication are based on assumptions. You assume that your spouse is avoiding you, so you keep late night to communicate your displeasure.

*Sex matters communication must be absolute and total, with no hold back.

That is, likes, dislikes, temptations, etc., must be openly discussed by each couple. It is a good way of staying strongly connected in a marriage. A lot of infidelity has its root embedded in a lack of sexual fulfilment, which is not a subject of communication between the couple.

I cannot agree less with the following quote: “Discuss your sexual fantasies with your partner and communicate during intimacy. Partners who talk openly have good communication, solid trust, and more excitement that leads to a great and nourishing relationship. Communication during intimacy (e.g. giving verbal cues) shows that your bond is getting stronger and your trust level is increasing.”

In conclusion, communication determines how intimate couples are. The better they communicate, the higher the level of intimacy in the marriage. Many marriages have crashed on the altar of poor communication, and therefore must be avoided like a plague by taking every necessary precaution. Many cases of domestic violence would have been averted if couples had achieved marital communication.

You can avail yourself of copies of my books: ‘Enjoying Great Sex Life’ and ‘How To Help Your Wife Enjoy Sex’. Contact 08112658560 for details.