Managing your emotions for marital success

In the first write-up on this issue, I stated that emotions drive humans. Our actions and responses to the actions of others are driven by our emotions. Emotions determine a lot of the outcomes of our human endeavours. Whether we will succeed or fall in life will, to a great extent, be the outcome of our emotions. Managing emotions is a vital skill for maintaining mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life.

It’s therefore essential for everyone to make conscious efforts to manage emotions. Below are some of the needful nuggets for managing our emotions, not only for marital success but also in other areas of life.

 

*Be conscious of your emotions.

There is a need for us to identify our emotions to be able to deal with them. This is the first step in having victory over our emotions. It’s the starting point for victory in managing our emotions. Once identified, managing it becomes easy. But living in denial over it leads to disaster. Tell yourself that you have an issue at hand to deal with and be on your way to victory over it.

*Understand how you feel and what triggers those emotions

This has to do with your trigger button. It’s like knowing the point at which your emotions run wild or out of control. It’s a way of preventing the fire of emotions from burning, rather than fighting the fire after it has started. So, understand your emotional strengths, weaknesses, and triggers. This is in alignment with the popular saying “Prevention is better than cure.”

 

*Keep in focus the consequences of your actions

I always remind myself that for my actions, there are consequences that I may not be able to live by. So, I consider the consequences of any action before following through. If I run my mouth against my husband due to anger, I should consider what will be the consequences if he goes physical with me. I have watched boxers beat themselves to stupor before. So, I imagine what the consequences of a physical fight between my husband and I would be. So, I would just calm down.

We should realise that our actions may take us farther than we are prepared to go or in the direction we are not prepared to go.

 

*Learn to intentionally engage in physical exercise

Jog, walk or stretch to release tension and improve mood. Find a relaxation activity group to occupy yourself with — it will help you overcome boredom that may lead to burnout. You can also use relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, and sports like table tennis, polo, ludo, draft, etc. to help you stay in the right mood. Engage in activities that bring joy and relaxation, such as reading, taking a bath, or listening to your favourite music, etc.

 

*Prioritise positive thinking over negative thoughts.

Be deliberate about keeping your mind free from negative thoughts. While it’s a fact that you can’t stop negative thoughts from flowing into your mind, you have the choice to dwell on them or not. It’s like a case of not allowing a bird from building a nest over your head, though you can’t stop it from flying above your head.

Learn to express gratitude for the miles you have crossed instead of crying over your unconquered territories. There is no point crying over spilt milk when you can still own another jar of milk. Being grateful is an antidote against negative approaches to issues of life.

 

*Keep company with people who can help lift up your spirit

Keep company with people who can add value to your life, and share the burden of life challenges with one another. In the multitude of counsellors there is safety. Make time for good counsellors, especially the professional ones. It’s a way of weathering through the storm with a shoulder to lean or cry on. Don’t shy away from seeking support from a mental health professional or support groups for guidance and connection in case of need.

 

*Learn to take solace in the existence of the Supreme Being

The Supreme Being, under whose everlasting arms you can relax or take shelter, can help in times of storms.

 

*Take advantage of emotional intelligence

Take advantage of emotional intelligence skills by recognising and respecting the emotions of others, and developing effective communication and conflict-resolution skills.

If we follow through with these efforts, we will succeed in our endeavours, including marriage.

 

You can avail yourself of copies of my books ‘Enjoying Great S3x Life’ and ‘How to Help Your Wife Enjoy S3x’. Contact 08112658560 for details. SMS only.

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