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How to enjoy your spouse (II)

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2 years ago

As a follow up to the last edition of this column, this is the concluding part of the write up.

For the husband, the wife should relate with him as follows

Respect

This is the number one priority for the husband. He is wired naturally to crave for it. If you tamper with this, it’s like you have stepped on a cobra’s tail, and it will not be without consequences. Every husband looks forward to being respected by his wife, even if he doesn’t deserve it. What a mystery of an expectation! It is also a determinant factor in his productivity level in life. It’s a tonic he needs to perform adequately in his job, business etc.

You should not only respect him, it must be communicated to him that you respect him. Such a communication is depicted by the following among others:

Regard his directives to you and the children. Don’t joke with your hubby’s directives.

Let him lead in decision making. Make your inputs on matters in a way that he is made to feel that he is leading in the decision making process.
Take permission from him for your outings and whereabouts, by informing and seeking his consent on your schedule. It’s a sacrifice expected from a wife. That’s why the decision to marry a man must not be made lightly.
Don’t talk down on him as an habit, and be ever ready to apologise for such bad communication when it happens.
confide in him before giving away items belonging to the family, including your personal effects i.e. money. Don’t give away foodstuffs meant for the family without his consent in order to avoid distortion in the family budget.

Be sexually available for your husband

Sex is a must in the marriage, hence it must not be denied by either party. Due to nature, women usually are the ones more guilty in the matter of sex. Sex doesn’t flow easily for them, unlike men. That’s why a man is likened to a helicopter, which takes off instantly for a flight, while a woman is considered an aeroplane in the same sex matter, because it takes time for her to take off for a flight. Managing this difference in sexual response will go a long way to ensuring that the marriage stays healthy. A wife who will enjoy her husband must be wise in handling the sexual nature of the couple. A lot depends on her for a great sex to happen in her marriage. She must be constantly communicating her likes and dislikes to him, so that the marriage can provide mutual sexual fulfilment for the spouse. I have written a lot on this sex issue in this column, and most of them are captured in my books, Enjoying Great Sex Life, and How To Help Your Wife Enjoy Sex.

Be cooperative with him on the financial matters involving the family

Be content with what he has to offer you, financially. Don’t look down on him due to his financial state, by nagging him in comparison with other husbands around your circle of friends.

Motivate him to improve the financial earnings of the family. Plan your expenses together through budgeting process.

Support him financially if you are able, without usurping his authority in the family, or presenting him as being irresponsible to the outside world.

Be his number one cheer leader

Your view of, belief in, and expressed opinion of your husband go a long way to affirm him for maximum output. You will do your family a lot of good by going all out to give positive affirmations to and about him,in order to help him achieve his dreams. Don’t be a dream killer in his life by discouraging him on his projects or job. Rather, be a part of his dream making team to help him realise his dreams. This is not to say that you cannot caution him if needed, rather it is to ensure that such is presented wisely in such a way that he will not have his self esteem deflated. The bitter truth in this wise is that you hold the ace of his performance to a great extent. That’s why it’s a popular saying that “behind every successful man, is his wife”. You should never use the power of womanhood negatively for him. Like someone said, “be a wife, and not a knife”, with your womanhood power, to your husband. You are in his life to make him happen, so that both of you can happen together for your good.

In conclusion, enjoying your spouse requires sacrifices, responsibilities and compromises on both sides of the divide. That is, from both husband and wife. It’s an awesome responsibility that must be fully understood, and precisely delivered if the marriage must fulfill its expectations. You are in it together for each other’s good by adding value to your lives. Let us not trivialise it. You should not just ensure that you fulfill your own obligations, but you should also help your spouse to fulfill his or hers, as a helper of his or her destiny. It’s in doing so that both of you can enjoy each other. Therefore, don’t make it difficult for him or her to fulfill his or her own side of the responsibility. That is, make it easier for him to love you by submitting to him. Likewise, make it easier for her to submit to and respect you, by loving him. These things work better that way.

MY BOOKS, ENJOYING GREAT SEX LIFE AND HOW TO HELP YOUR WIFE ENJOY SEX are still available for sale. You can call 08112658560.

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