Handling sex-starved marriage

I hear a lot about sex-starved marriages, where couples have less sexual activity than the desired. Such could be like once in two months, three months, or in some cases, six months. When such is the situation in a marriage, it can be said that the marriage is lacking in sexual intercourse than is required. Sexual activity in a healthy marriage should be a weekly affair, depending on the health condition of the couple. Anything short of this is an indication that the marriage is sex starved.

Reasons for a sex starved marriage:

Busy schedule of one or both partners.

Reaching career or business goals could be really taxing and take its toll on the overall marital relationship, including sex. Today’s workplace demands have a serious stress on marriages. Many couples don’t have enough time to spend together. Thus, the overall health of the marriage, including sex, suffers.

Poor sex communication between the couple.

Couples being shy, especially wives, about asking for sex in marriage, when they really want it, can become an issue. Couples generally have poor “I need sex” vocabulary. This makes sex not readily available.

Poor handling of misunderstandings.

When issues and conflicts are not given priority and adequate attention towards resolving them, they fester, and sex becomes unattractive.

Poor handling of financial pressure.

Financial pressure is allowed to keep tearing them apart, such that they don’t see eye to eye, not to mention having sex. When husbands lose financial power, sex becomes a bargaining issue in the marriage. If the wife does not apply wisdom, the husband loses the boldness to ask for sex, especially if he had been “blocked” with serial excuses in previous attempts.

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Solutions to a sex-starved marriage situation

I have checked and ruminated over the issue of sex-starved marriages, and my conclusion about the solutions to the problem lies in couples going back to the beginning of their love relationship. How they handled issues during their courtship or dating days will help them in solving their sex problem.

For instance, in the beginning, couples usually don’t allow misunderstandings to stop them from having sex once they start engaging in it. Rather, they settle misunderstandings with sex.

But in marriage, couples sleep on the same bed, and don’t touch one another, not to mention having sex. The common style is the biblical phrase “To your tent o Israel.” This may go on for days, weeks, or months before allowing reason to prevail.

Not only that, misunderstandings are usually handled with priority attention during courtship or dating days. Both partners are ever ready to make prompt sacrifices to resolve these differences. But in marriage, couples don’t usually give topmost priority attention to misunderstandings. It is like once married, we take ourselves for granted unnecessarily. I think the issue is that, after all, he or she has no choice: we are married already, so no more pampering. Couples don’t think they can break up once married. Otherwise, they will be more proactive and eager to resolve misunderstandings. Therefore, misunderstandings are not quickly resolved, and may, and do eventually snowball into conflicts, which result in complications: malice, extramarital affairs, battery, and in the worst scenario, separation leading to divorce in the end.

My take on the issue is that if couples adopt the courtship/dating days’ styles, sexual starvation will be reduced to the barest minimum. If we were that keen to have ourselves, we should be more than keen to keep ourselves in the marriage. Why dissipate so much energy to have ourselves, and then trivialise keeping ourselves? If we can go back to the beginning of the love relationship that led to the marriage, all the issues responsible for sex starvation in marriages will be easily resolved, thus ensuring sexual satisfaction in the marriage.

My books, ‘Enjoying Great Sex Life’ and ‘How To Help Your Wife Enjoy Sex’, are still available for sale. Please, contact 08112658560 for details. SMS only.