A stressful marriage can kill you: 9 strategies for coping

Continued from last week

• Give your spouse’s opinion serious consideration as you work together to discover solutions to your problems.

4. Don’t wallow in self-pity. No problem has ever been solved by feeling sorry for yourself or your situation. Successful couples grab “the bull by the horns” and work for solutions. Making a family work is clearly difficult even in the best of times and even more challenging when you have many stressors to deal with. Some steps you can take:

• Sit down with your spouse to figure out possible solutions to your problem and determine a plan that both of you can support.
• Celebrate your successes as you accomplish each step of the plan. Feeling like you are moving in a positive direction helps eliminate self-pity.

5. Make an effort to keep the flame of your love affair alive everyday. What type of priority do you place on making time for fun and romance with each other in your hectic lives? Doing so can help you overcome the challenges by reminding you of why you fell in love in the first place. Some steps you can take:

• Make a point of touching your spouse in a loving way at least ten times a day.
• Carve out time to have a romantic date with each other: bring home flowers, get a hotel room, go for a long walk together, drink a bottle of wine watching the sunset, write a love note or even just snuggle in bed a little longer in the morning.
• Plan a vacation (or even just a stay-cation). Nothing helps people reconnect better than a little time away from the daily grind.

6. Allow each other occasional time for privacy and aloneness. One of the keys to a successful marriage is when both partners allow each other to have privacy and aloneness. We live such hectic lives at work and at home that the time to be alone with our own thoughts is paramount to our ability to engage in any meaningful communication with each other. The quality of communication can only be enhanced between the two of you after refreshing your mind and spirit with alone time. You have to belong to yourself before you can belong to others. Some steps you can take:

• The amount of time available to satisfy these two needs varies from one marriage to another and from one marriage partner to another, and can increase during times of stress. Talk with your spouse about each of your needs and desires for privacy and alone time.
• Work together to determine a plan that you both will honor to allow each other occasional time for privacy and aloneness.

7. Remember that the simple things matter in marriage and they need to be practiced daily. Thirty-two years of research on love and successful marriage has taught us many things, but first and foremost that no love has blossomed or been sustained without doing the simple things. Big things don’t matter until your relationship has mastered the art of doing the simple things day in and day out. Too often when we are engaged in stressful life situations, we forget to just do the simple things for the one we love the most. Some steps you can take:

• Make a list of 20 simple things you will do to make your spouse’s life better. Examples include remembering to say thank you, calling when you are going to be late or leaving a sticky love note on your lover’s wallet or purse.
• Be more generous with your time for each other.
• Engage in simple acts of kindness and spontaneous feel-good moments.

8. Develop a network of support from family, friends and relatives. You and your spouse do not have to deal with the stress all by yourself.

Don’t be deluded into thinking you can or even should do it alone. Your friends and family want to support you through thick and thin. Take full advantage of their willingness to help.

• Cultivate good relationships with your family, friends and relatives. They can be your best supporters in times of need.
• Don’t be shy about asking for help from your family, aunts, uncles or neighbors.

9. Stay healthy and happy, both physically and mentally. It is nearly impossible to take care of others when you don’t take of yourself. Some steps you can take:

• Live healthier: take your vitamins and medications, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, cut down the use of alcohol and nicotine.
• Engage in a daily exercise program with your spouse.
• Don’t forget your annual physical exams.

Dealing with the many stressors in your marriage and in life can be a real challenge. Dealing with them effectively could not only save your marriage, but also save your life.

COURTESY :www.yourtango.com

YOU SHOULD NOT MISS THESE HEADLINES FROM NIGERIAN TRIBUNE

Nigeria Records 573 New COVID-19 Cases, Total Now 16,658
The Nigeria Centre for Disease Control (NCDC) has announced 573 confirmed new coronavirus cases in the country on Sunday. This brings the total number of confirmed cases to 16,658…Read Full Story

Naira Marley Saga: FG Suspends ExecuJet Indefinitely
The Federal Government has suspended flight operations of ExecuJet for flying a hip-hop artiste, Azeez Fashola, aka Naira Marley, from Lagos to Abuja for a musical concert. The Minister of Aviation, Senator Hadi Sirika announced the suspension at the daily briefing by the Presidential Task Force on COVID-19…Read Full Story

UPDATE: APC Governors, NWC Meet With Gambari In Aso Rock •Obaseki not guaranteed victory as incumbent ― Oshiomhole
In an apparent bid to resolve the crisis arising in the run-up to the primaries in Edo and Ondo states, the chairman of the All Progressives Congress (APC) Governors Forum and Governor of Kebbi State, Atiku Bagudu and the party’s National Working Committee (NWC) led by Comrade Adams Oshiomhole, met with the Chief of Staff…Read Full Story

Lagos Govt Condemns Opening Of Private Schools, Threatens Sanctions On Recalcitrant Schools
The Lagos Government, on Monday, condemned the intentional flouting of rules by some private school owners in the state that have opened their schools to students despite the government’s directives to close schools in a bid to curb the spread of coronavirus…Read Full Story

Show Empathy, Lost Lives Not Replaceable, Health Minister Tells Striking Doctors
The Minister of Health, Dr Osagie Ehanire, told the National Association of Resident Doctors (NARD) on Monday that they cannot go on strike during a very difficult situation like this, when the country, like other nations of the world, are battling the COVID-19 pandemic…Read Full Story

Ibadan/Oke-Ogun Road: Sure Route For Smugglers, Illegal Immigrants
THE Oke-Ogun region of Oyo state is one of the richest in Nigeria in terms of natural deposits and agricultural production and is acclaimed to have contributed a lot to the development of the state and Nigeria; but for many reasons, it has remained the most undeveloped and marginalised…Read Full Story

NBET Gets New MD As Buhari Approves Amobi’s Removal
President Muhammadu Buhari has approved the removal of Dr Marilyn Amobi as Managing Director (MD), Nigerian Bulk Electricity Trading Plc (NBET), to be replaced by Dr Nnaemeka Eweluka. The Minister of Power, Saleh Mamman, made the announcement in a statement issued by his media aide, Aaron Artimas on Monday…Read Full Story

EDITORIAL: Tackling Rape Epidemic
This is a season of anomie judging by the spate and frequency of cases of sexual assault, defilement and paedophilic actions in the country lately. These criminal vices are pervasive and have become a daily occurrence. The cases are legion: a 100-level university student was allegedly raped and killed at a religious centre in Benin City, Edo State; a man reportedly raped 40 women in…Read Full Story

NITDA Alerts Nigerians On Fake Websites Pledging FG’s Lockdown Funds
The National Information Technology Development Agency (NITDA), has drawn the attention of the general public, especially those in the cyberspace, to the existence of fake websites in circulation, trying to capitalise on the COVID-19 pandemic to defraud unsuspecting Nigerians…Read Full Story

Important WASH Practices To Stay Free Of COVID-19
WASH in the field of environment stands for Water, Sanitation and Hygiene. It goes without saying that appropriate WASH practices are key to halt the continued spread of the novel coronavirus (COVID-19). In a presentation made by Professor Mynepalli Sridhar during the recent World Environment Day held at the…Read Full Story

APC And The Price Of Impunity
The All Progressives Congress, APC, is fast becoming a house of commotions, where things seem to have fallen apart and the centre can no longer hold. Or how else do we describe the present situation in Edo and Ondo States, where the ruling party is at loggerheads with itself over its flag bearers for the coming gubernatorial…Read Full Story

PHOTOS: At The Age Of 35, 30, They Are Parents Of 11 Children
A couple who never planned to have any children have revealed they now have a huge brood of eleven, the Daily Mail of UK reported. Joseph Sutton, 35, and wife Nicole, 30, live with their eight daughters and three sons in their three-bedroom home in Aspatria, Cumbria, England…Read Full Story