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You need a relationship detox

THE word detox is shortened form for detoxification. It is usually described as a process where the body cleanses itself or is enabled to do so as a form of removing toxins from the body so that the body can be rejuvenated and energised for further effective performance. Health practitioners tell us that a toxin overload in the system can slow down our cognitive responses, do damage to our digestive system and cause a whole series of other health problems. On a good day, the body does a good job of it through an effective system of excretion when our organs are in perfect working order and we take in the right mix of nutrients. However, because of our warped dietary choices and sometimes frenetic lifestyle, we suffer a toxin overload where the body is clogged with a lot of unwanted junk to the point where it is overwhelmed and functions below par.

A relationship detox therefore has to do with the expunging of certain relationships in your life that do not allow you to function optimally or which constitute a hazard to your destiny.

It has been said that you are the average of the best five relationships in your life, spiritually, materially and even morally. If five of your best friends or associates are highly successful or wealthy, you are next in line. If you have five multimillionaires in your circle as your top friends, you will eventually become the sixth! Relationships are catalysts designed to spur us into achievement. Conversely, bad ones can hasten our descent into the abyss of failure!

If relationships are so powerful, shouldn’t you be concerned about the people you allow into your life on a protracted basis? Life will bring you in contact with all sorts of people, just like your body is exposed to all sorts of junk on a daily basis. However, in the same way that your body routinely expunges waste and sometimes has to be helped through deliberate detox, you must learn to choose who you give significant room in your life.

To do a successful detox, begin with a relationship AUDIT where you ask some hard questions. Take an inventory of the people you currently have in your circle. How many are empowering by their words and presence? How many of them are like wet blankets who dampen your enthusiasm about any venture in your life? How many of them challenge you and make you feel that your greatest achievement is like kindergarten level compared to where you ought to be? How many of them do you desire to be like or emulate? How many of them can you trust? What is the nature of the conversations you have with them? How do you feel when they leave? How many of them do things for you without expecting a return? How many of them actually listen to you? How many drain you of energy, time and resources?

You need to be as exhaustive as possible in your list and pigeon-hole each one. It is a tough exercise and just like a standard detox process, your body will resist it. But when it is over, you have a lighter burden to carry.

Now, determine who stays and who goes. Or those who are just there – that you relate with but at arm’s length because if they are too close, they can be corrosive, yet they are essential to where you are now.

You must love everyone. Loving people however is not synonymous with giving them undeserved space in your life. Not everyone is going in the same direction with you on the destiny journey. When it comes to issues of your life and future, don’t get unduly emotional about it. What kind of people should you give a wide berth to?

First are pessimists to whom the glass is ALWAYS half-empty. They only see the darkness of the cloud and never the possibility of rainfall. Association with pessimists can infect you with depression, inaction, anxiety and fear, psychosomatic health issues. Pessimism will turn small mistakes into setbacks, which, unchecked, can snowball into catastrophes. The molehill is always to them, a mountain.

Second are judges and critics. To them, optimism is naivety. They take joy in running others down. Nobody else deserves to succeed except them. They define their boundaries of right and wrong and expect everyone to fit into it.

Next comes the perpetual victims who always have a story of woe to tell. The weight of the world literally rests on their shoulders. To them, society always treats them unfairly. They will blame the sun that rose too early or the rain that fell late at night for their daytime woes. Their dysfunction must always be someone else’s fault. They set very low expectations for themselves, so their bars are very low. They would hardly risk anything outside their comfort zone. Change to them is like a looming disaster. They don’t believe in, talk less of celebrating their own victories, so they cannot celebrate others.

You also have the drama kings and queens. They see life as one big, long episode of Zeeworld or any of the popular soap operas. They always want an audience or someone to play a supporting role in their push for the limelight and they want to use you to fill that role. They are control freaks and understand the language of emotional blackmail. They don’t want to do without you yet, just when you think one drama is over, they simply create another one. And it is one in which you are not an active participant but just one needed audience.

Next in line are the bitter apples who are so eaten up with bitterness and who hate to see anyone close to them succeed. So, they will NEVER deliberately support your hustle or your drive and passion for success. They always love company for their misery. They are versed in sarcasm and wicked humour. They probably became bitter as a result of some disappointment but have now turned their anger inward till it has become poisonous. They will always seek to infect you with it.

Deliberately seek to weed people like these out of prominence in your life and relate with them ONLY WHEN ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. If you consult them in the essential issues of your destiny, they will subordinate your aspirations to their prejudice.

After a body detox, you need replacement supplements to replenish lost energy, enzymes and revitalise your body. Create a no-toxin zone in your life and guard that jealously. The man wearing white apparels doesn’t go dancing around a palm-oil shop.

Look for people who inspire you. Pursue those whose current reality is the realm of your dreams. Pay a price to reach them and get their attention. If they have written books, invest on their products. Think of the value you too can offer them.

Your destiny is NOT CHEAP! Don’t pawn it! Access to greatness is never thrown at your feet. It will cost you something. Cultivate and earn the trust of those you respect. Develop relationships around your destination, never around your frustrations.

Remember, the sky is not your limit, God is!

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