How to mend a strained relationship with your child

The relationship between a child and a parent is one that must not be trivialised. There is the need for intentionality on the part of parents and guardians to see to it that they establish a cordial relationship with their children.

Contents

1. Acknowledge that things are not right between you and your child 2. Call your child’s attention to it 3. Make amends 4. Be patient 5. Spend quality time together

Having a strained relationship with a child is quite possible as a result of factors such as neglect, lack of set boundaries, unrealistic expectations and demands, overprotectiveness, overindulgence, rejection, lack of communication, undesirable parental models, family conflict, divorce, and so much more.

For parents and guardians experiencing a strained relationship with their wards, it is important to take bold steps to bridge the gap between you and your child. This is because, according to Frederick Douglas, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

It is often easier to mend broken relationships with your child while they are young than when they’ve grown into adults.

Here are things to do to help you mend your strained relationship with your child.

1. Acknowledge that things are not right between you and your child

A strained relationship with a child does not just happen suddenly; it takes a while. But most parents do not know because they are not observant enough.

Your child doesn’t just drift away from you in a day. There have been certain things going on that have been making that shift occur that you have not paid conscious attention to.

The first step to amending a strained relationship with your child is for you to acknowledge that something is wrong. Don’t live in self-denial, accept what has happened and seek solutions.

2. Call your child’s attention to it

After acknowledging that there is a strained relationship between you and your child, the next thing to do is to call the child’s attention to it and hear their own side of the story.

Calmly, let your child know what you’ve observed and how you feel about it. Don’t be harsh on them. Give them the liberty to make their opinions known because it is from their words that you know what’s wrong and how best to resolve the situation.

Make your child see that you are intentional about making things right. Ask them what they think can be done to make things right. The 21st-century child is not just the usual child. They know much more than their age, so don’t look down on them or take their words lightly.

3. Make amends

After knowing the cause(s) of the strain between you and your child, the next thing you should do is to make amends.

Whether you are wrong or right or what you did was intentional or not, you need to show your maturity as a parent and take the bold step of bridging the gap between you and your child.

Rather than focusing on your child’s behaviour or actions, take responsibility for your part in the strained relationship. Have you been busy, impatient, frustrated, controlling, and so on? Apologise and work on making it right with your child.

4. Be patient

A strained relationship with your child didn’t happen in a day, so it will be wrong and unrealistic of you to think you can amend the relationship in a single day.

Sometimes, it may take weeks, months, or years before the strained relationship between you and your child can be restored.

Don’t be in a rush, don’t try to force your child to reconcile with you, but rather give them time to heal and make use of every opportunity you get to spend with them to show that you sincerely love them and you’re willing to make things work.

Some days, it may seem that your efforts are not making a difference. Just stick to the process, and in the end, you will be glad you did.

5. Spend quality time together

The time to mend a strained relationship with your child is not the time to be far away from them. Try as much as possible to have them around without forcing them.

Find things you can do or places you can go that give you a chance to be together. Find time to engage in their hobbies together and you can just sit together in silence without necessarily having a discussion.

There is a possibility that your child will be resistant at first, you don’t need to force them, just keep the door open and continue to look for opportunities to spend time together.

Here is how to strengthen the bond between you and your child

You don’t have to get stuck in a strained relationship with your child as there is always going to be a way out.

Always remember that parenting is an art and an extremely demanding task which requires utmost dedication and readiness to deal with the challenges that come with it.

strengthen the bond between you and your child

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