Help! I am being friend-zoned

To say friend zone is a thing is to only be restating the obvious.

For those who may not know, you are friend-zoned if you have romantic interest in someone but he/she doesn’t see you as such. This week on WhatsApp Conversations, contributors share their opinions on how to get out of the Brother/ Friend Zone:

Joel Ajayi

Friendzone happens most times to guys and it’s probably because he’s chasing ladies who want to still have fun. They are not looking for who they’d be committed to and probably he looks so innocent and doesn’t look adventurous. Look for ladies who are ready for commitment and he should up his adventure game. He should be a fun person as much as possible.

Josephine Idowu

Declare yourself first before they declare you or better still, change that zone yourself after they zone you. You have to be intentional in this life. Be intentional in changing zone as you want.

Eunice Jossy

One important point is desperation. Anyone desperate for love will seem to keep repelling it. Whatever emotions people have for you will die once you come off as needy or clingy. Love is built. Don’t jump the steps. Deliberately take your time to get genuinely interested in people.   Don’t be too fixated on relationships. The more available you are, the less attractive (don’t get me wrong). People tend to chase after elusive things. Just be patient. Yours will come.

Denny E. Aliya

This friend zone thing is straightforward. When you approach the person, make your intentions known even before the conversations continue and always remind the person of your intentions. If at all you fall in love with your friend, still do the same thing. And when the lady or guy tells you she wants to be friends instead, let him/her know you can’t be anything other than friends as lovers.

Femi Babafemi

The key to stop being zoned (friend-zone, brother-zone, sister-zone, colleague-zone, whatever) is to intelligently define the relationship from day one. Ask the right questions, don’t always assume the other party knows what you want. The other party is not a mind reader.

Geraldyn Bisola

I’m pretty sure you’re a really nice and awesome person. Everyone gets friend-zoned sometimes but since yours happen a lot, I think the problem is you did not speak up on time. Let the person know your intentions from the beginning. And if they do not feel the same way, take plenty of steps back. Give the person a wide berth. You do not have to be the person’s friend. Because that is not what you want.

Oluwafemi Afolabi

The thing is you too do not just go for any girl. Obviously, if you go for the too spiritual ones, you would be brother/friend-zoned; also the same goes for the slay mamas and those who are already into yahoo boys for the petty things they get. No, do not go for those or you will be wasting your time. Now chill and watch well the lady you like and you wish to be intimate with and approach her and become friends with her and then ask her out on a date or perhaps just woo her in not more than a week. If she says no, then try again if you truly want her and if she persists then lock up and move on, you’ll get another with this same principle. But if you let your friendship reach up to two weeks and above, before you say what you wanted to say, you may likely suffer being friend-zoned.

John Ogungbade

Well, in my opinion, friend zone is better than enemy zone. Of course, everyone cannot be that intimate friend of yours…It is your obligation to look at that very specie you want more than a friend from and make your intentions known before the person turns you into friend zone again. However, the period between meeting the person and the days/month is your buffer and leverage. The period of meeting the person and the months to follow is crucial not to have the earlier results

Femi Jubril

As a guy, if you get friend-zoned then the problem is you. I will explain. Before you approach a lady, know that you are the prize. When you realise this fact, you’ll see clearly and understand how you relate with the female gender. If you get friend-zoned, it’s because you’re a nice guy. Be everything but do not ever be nice. Be a gentleman but do not be a nice guy.  Always put yourself first, be masculine. The ball is always in your court if you ask a girl out and she says no but says you can be friends. Please end that conversation right there and block her or stop communication with her. When you ask a girl out, you are making a proposition because you are the prize but when she rejects you and then proposes to be friends, that’s her trying to suck you into her own frame for her own selfish reasons which shouldn’t be so. Suck her into your own frame, not the other way round.

Be courageous, be reasonable, be optimistic, be authentic, be confident, be engaging, be generous, be assertive, be inspiring, be curious, be honest, be bold, be kind but DON’T ever be a NICE GUY.

It’s better for a lady to tag you as “so annoying than be tagged “so nice.”

Next week, the topic of discussion will be a question from Samantha. I’m 18-years-old and I’ve never had a boyfriend. No boy has “hit on me” or asked me out for a date. I’m not fat or chubby. Does that mean I’m ugly and why I don’t have a boyfriend? To be part of the next edition, send your response to 0813361345.

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